Hubster: "Mmmmm, zombie boobs....they undulate"
Me: "there's something wrong with you..."
Us: giggling our asses off at that whole exchange.
/life is good.
Saturday, October 4, 2008
HOLY SHIT is this funny.
At least I think so, what with my penchant for spending the day target shooting with the air revolver thingy, mowing the lawn with my manual mower, sh0pping at the 'Mart* (cuz I'm broke like dat, and being broke trumps my ability to hack up some social ire, n shiat, sorry - that be the way itIzz), drinking wine, cooking and cleaning, trying to decrease my quotient of Suck where my kids are concerned, etc.,
I'm just gonna say one thing, then I'm posting that funny-assed blog I just read that made me start writing this in the first place: (i fucken forgot what I was gonna say, so here's the blog.....
*bought the sweet night scope with the friggin' infrared button for sweet night vision!! AWESOME! //hillbilly!
I'm just gonna say one thing, then I'm posting that funny-assed blog I just read that made me start writing this in the first place: (i fucken forgot what I was gonna say, so here's the blog.....
*bought the sweet night scope with the friggin' infrared button for sweet night vision!! AWESOME! //hillbilly!
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Well there's a brand new political superstar on the scene and she's tough as nails and the media won't leave her alone and she's a rough-and-tumble Alaskan hockey mom and why are they asking all these questions and she is the pure reincarnation of the invincible Anglo-Saxon frontier earth mother and stop picking on her!
So maybe Sarah Palin doesn't have all that much "experience." Maybe she doesn't pay much attention to your fancy-pants "foreign policy" or "domestic policy" or "policy." Maybe she's "crazy" and "corrupt" and was picked by a "vetting process" that consisted of "tossing darts at a phone book in the middle of an all-night Ambien-and-Ketamine binge." But maybe that's just because Sarah Palin's just too busy being a real American to hang around with your namby-pamby liberal candidates with their arugula lattes and their east coast Ivy League universities and their "qualifications" while they tax the Jesus Fetus to pay for gay Muslim healthcare! Well Sarah Palin understands that being vice-president takes more than just book-smarts or regular-smarts or knowing what a vice president does! It takes gumption and spunk and other made-up words that hearken back to another time - a realer time - a whiter
VALUES.
As a Jesus-fearing moose-hunting hockey-mom mother of five, Sarah Palin understands real American values, because she is a real American just like you, only with much more money and power and a tiny invisible fairy that lives in her brain and tells her to ban books and blow up Muslims. Sarah Palin understands that the key to America's success is personal responsibility, and the key to personal responsibility is getting lots of money from oil companies and the federal government while you enforce other people's personal responsibility! Oh, you wanted state funding to help with your out-of-wedlock Sin Child? Shoulda thoughta that before you decided to not be born to Sarah Palin!
Sarah Palin will also ban abortion, 'cause in the hardscrabble up-by-the-bootstraps wilderness of the Alaskan suburbs, they don't have abortion. They also do not have adequate access to health care, birth control, or equal pay for equal work, as it turns out.
MAVERICKNESS.
As a moose-hunting Jesus-fearing hockey-mom mother of five who hunts moose, Sarah Palin isn't some petty Washington bureaucrat. She's a petty Alaskan bureaucrat, and she's gonna shake things up in Washington! For her first reform she will pose for photographs with a gun and a stuffed moose head! For her second reform she will say something bold and brassy. For her third reform she will give birth at a live press conference to six eagle scouts, three peregrine falcons and an American mastodon, rear them in the Christian faith and release them into the wild before hunting them down, shooting them and mounting their heads in the Roosevelt Room!
Now some of you are saying "oh Giblets these aren't actual reforms" because you are boring and stupid and I hate you. But if you think about it, Sarah Palin would be reforming Washington just by being elected and finally giving a voice to marginalized white Christian evangelicals everywhere. She will also re-ban abortion, in case abortion got away the first time.
ENVIRONMENTALNESS.
As a Jesus-fearing moose-hunting hockey-mom mother of five who hunts moose for Jesus,gunning it down from her airplane. Sarah Palin understands that America is dangerously addicted to oil, and that the only cure is more oil. She also understands that nature is our natural enemy,also knows that we've got to leave this earth behind for our children, at least until we can find a way to drill for oil in our children. Sarah Palin is committed to exploring Baby Trig's vast and abundant petroleum reserves.
Sarah Palin may not know if global warming is man-made. She may not know if global warming is real. She may not know what global warming is. But if global warming is caused by abortions, Sarah Palin will fight it - by banning abortion, just in case the first couple times didn't take.
COMMANDERNESS.
As a hockey-playing moose-hunting Jesus-fearing hockey-mom mother of five who plays hockey, Sarah Palin lives in Alaska, which is just a couple thousand miles away from Russia and the Red Chinese, giving her valuable insight into their inscrutable foreign ways. Every day for forty-four years Sarah Palin has gotten up and thought to herself, "Hmmm, the weather is cold today - and I bet the weather is similarly cold in Russia at this latitude." Isn't it about time we had a vice-president who understands the climatological grievances of our most deadliest frenemies? Think about it! But not for very long!
Alaska is also close to the International Date Line, giving Sarah Palin the power to traverse the distance between Today and Yesterday at will and making her the Wizard of Speed and Time. She's sassy and white and ready to lead, people! And to ban abortion. Just look at that blastocyst! How can you say no! time - back when men were men and women were men and great big hairy-chested frontiersmen of the plains wrestled oxen and caribou and the savage Injun Man in their mighty conquest of the West before succumbing to explosive amoebic dysentery! And with the help of God and millions of dollars in energy industry donations, Sarah Palin will give us that dysentery again! Sarah Palin is kin to the wild outdoors and appreciates its bountiful splendor as she is created by a malevolent Satan to come between us and our God-given oil deposits with its hateful, clean water and its foul, pristine air. But Sarah Palin also
So maybe Sarah Palin doesn't have all that much "experience." Maybe she doesn't pay much attention to your fancy-pants "foreign policy" or "domestic policy" or "policy." Maybe she's "crazy" and "corrupt" and was picked by a "vetting process" that consisted of "tossing darts at a phone book in the middle of an all-night Ambien-and-Ketamine binge." But maybe that's just because Sarah Palin's just too busy being a real American to hang around with your namby-pamby liberal candidates with their arugula lattes and their east coast Ivy League universities and their "qualifications" while they tax the Jesus Fetus to pay for gay Muslim healthcare! Well Sarah Palin understands that being vice-president takes more than just book-smarts or regular-smarts or knowing what a vice president does! It takes gumption and spunk and other made-up words that hearken back to another time - a realer time - a whiter
VALUES.
As a Jesus-fearing moose-hunting hockey-mom mother of five, Sarah Palin understands real American values, because she is a real American just like you, only with much more money and power and a tiny invisible fairy that lives in her brain and tells her to ban books and blow up Muslims. Sarah Palin understands that the key to America's success is personal responsibility, and the key to personal responsibility is getting lots of money from oil companies and the federal government while you enforce other people's personal responsibility! Oh, you wanted state funding to help with your out-of-wedlock Sin Child? Shoulda thoughta that before you decided to not be born to Sarah Palin!
Sarah Palin will also ban abortion, 'cause in the hardscrabble up-by-the-bootstraps wilderness of the Alaskan suburbs, they don't have abortion. They also do not have adequate access to health care, birth control, or equal pay for equal work, as it turns out.
MAVERICKNESS.
As a moose-hunting Jesus-fearing hockey-mom mother of five who hunts moose, Sarah Palin isn't some petty Washington bureaucrat. She's a petty Alaskan bureaucrat, and she's gonna shake things up in Washington! For her first reform she will pose for photographs with a gun and a stuffed moose head! For her second reform she will say something bold and brassy. For her third reform she will give birth at a live press conference to six eagle scouts, three peregrine falcons and an American mastodon, rear them in the Christian faith and release them into the wild before hunting them down, shooting them and mounting their heads in the Roosevelt Room!
Now some of you are saying "oh Giblets these aren't actual reforms" because you are boring and stupid and I hate you. But if you think about it, Sarah Palin would be reforming Washington just by being elected and finally giving a voice to marginalized white Christian evangelicals everywhere. She will also re-ban abortion, in case abortion got away the first time.
ENVIRONMENTALNESS.
As a Jesus-fearing moose-hunting hockey-mom mother of five who hunts moose for Jesus,gunning it down from her airplane. Sarah Palin understands that America is dangerously addicted to oil, and that the only cure is more oil. She also understands that nature is our natural enemy,also knows that we've got to leave this earth behind for our children, at least until we can find a way to drill for oil in our children. Sarah Palin is committed to exploring Baby Trig's vast and abundant petroleum reserves.
Sarah Palin may not know if global warming is man-made. She may not know if global warming is real. She may not know what global warming is. But if global warming is caused by abortions, Sarah Palin will fight it - by banning abortion, just in case the first couple times didn't take.
COMMANDERNESS.
As a hockey-playing moose-hunting Jesus-fearing hockey-mom mother of five who plays hockey, Sarah Palin lives in Alaska, which is just a couple thousand miles away from Russia and the Red Chinese, giving her valuable insight into their inscrutable foreign ways. Every day for forty-four years Sarah Palin has gotten up and thought to herself, "Hmmm, the weather is cold today - and I bet the weather is similarly cold in Russia at this latitude." Isn't it about time we had a vice-president who understands the climatological grievances of our most deadliest frenemies? Think about it! But not for very long!
Alaska is also close to the International Date Line, giving Sarah Palin the power to traverse the distance between Today and Yesterday at will and making her the Wizard of Speed and Time. She's sassy and white and ready to lead, people! And to ban abortion. Just look at that blastocyst! How can you say no! time - back when men were men and women were men and great big hairy-chested frontiersmen of the plains wrestled oxen and caribou and the savage Injun Man in their mighty conquest of the West before succumbing to explosive amoebic dysentery! And with the help of God and millions of dollars in energy industry donations, Sarah Palin will give us that dysentery again! Sarah Palin is kin to the wild outdoors and appreciates its bountiful splendor as she is created by a malevolent Satan to come between us and our God-given oil deposits with its hateful, clean water and its foul, pristine air. But Sarah Palin also
Labels: fuck you '08, real america, the end of the world party
posted by Giblets at 12:59 PM
Thursday, October 2, 2008
A little late for the whole "pulling out" thing, iddnit?
LOLZ!
"John McCain is pulling out of Michigan, according to two Republicans, a stunning move a month away from Election Day that indicates the difficulty Republicans are having in finding blue states to put in play.McCain will go off TV in Michigan, stop dropping mail there and send most of his staff to more competitive states, including Wisconsin, Ohio and Florida. Wisconsin went for Kerry in 2004, Ohio and Florida for Bush.McCain's campaign didn't immediately respond to a request for comment.Republicans had been bullish on Michigan, hopeful that McCain's past success in the state in the 2000 primary combined with voter dissatisfaction with Democratic Gov. Jennifer Granholm and skepticism among blue-collar voters about Barack Obama could make it competitive.McCain and his running mate Sarah Palin spent the night after the GOP convention at a large rally in Macomb County, just outside Detroit. The two returned later last month for another sizable event in Grand Rapids.But recent polls there have shown Obama extending what had been a small lead, with the economic crisis damaging an already sagging GOP brand in a state whose economy is in tatters. A McCain event planned for next week in Plymouth, Michiigan, has been canceled."
Yeah, I know 3rd party source and all that, blah blah. Still made me chuckle though.
"John McCain is pulling out of Michigan, according to two Republicans, a stunning move a month away from Election Day that indicates the difficulty Republicans are having in finding blue states to put in play.McCain will go off TV in Michigan, stop dropping mail there and send most of his staff to more competitive states, including Wisconsin, Ohio and Florida. Wisconsin went for Kerry in 2004, Ohio and Florida for Bush.McCain's campaign didn't immediately respond to a request for comment.Republicans had been bullish on Michigan, hopeful that McCain's past success in the state in the 2000 primary combined with voter dissatisfaction with Democratic Gov. Jennifer Granholm and skepticism among blue-collar voters about Barack Obama could make it competitive.McCain and his running mate Sarah Palin spent the night after the GOP convention at a large rally in Macomb County, just outside Detroit. The two returned later last month for another sizable event in Grand Rapids.But recent polls there have shown Obama extending what had been a small lead, with the economic crisis damaging an already sagging GOP brand in a state whose economy is in tatters. A McCain event planned for next week in Plymouth, Michiigan, has been canceled."
Yeah, I know 3rd party source and all that, blah blah. Still made me chuckle though.
GOBAMA!
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
The Pink Girls ate my brain!!!!
Jesus christ. I've been up since friggin' 3am, gave up on going back to sleep, should have hauled ass out of here like 15 minutes ago, but I came across a ditty on ye olde pinklatex blog that sent me spiralling into an uncontrollable maelstrom of ADD, from which I could not escape until I had properly exorcised, from the dangerous and swamp-like morass of my brain, the hobgoblin unwittingly planted therein by the madcap ladies of Pink. It had started out innocently enough as just a comment. As it grew to Tolstoyesque proportions though, I knew then what I must do. And so, without further ado, here it is in all it's craptacular glory...
Aw yeah, biatches! RACE WALKING!!!! What. The. Fork, with that shizzle?
An Olympic even. Racewalking?!? Seriously, walking? Those cats are just...WALKING. FAST. Sure, really, really fast, but still just walking, nonetheless. Heel / toe / heel / toe / lather / rinse / repeat. That's it - WALKING. Something most folks do, cept those lucky fuckers with scooters, I suppose. In pondering this madness, it occurred to me that, "Shiat, I can haul ass with a big bag full of heavy crap, while smoking a butt and thingking furiously, from North Station to the office in like twelve minutes - and it's like a mile, my friends - if I have to. So EAT ME, "olympians". I dare you to try my kick-assed "racewalking" regimen - see how long your heart can take it before you stroke out, bitches! Any douche can walk reeeeeeally really really fast around a damn TRACK (a bouncy, space-aged polymer-constructed one to boot, versus the bombed-out, pothole-ridden obstacle course Boston's streets are - cobblestones??? Really??). Try that shiat from one end of the financial district to the other in Boston, or any wicked old, rickety urban area, during rush hour - now THAT is some Herculean shit right there.
Here's the master plan, chubbies! Get a pen. I'll wait...
1. Apply footwear (something rubbery; stilettos, not so much for this event, though platforms are a more stylish and reasonably lesser evil).
2. Power-enable muscial playback device with attached audiophonic interface capabilities. This step is optional, and actually, free-balling it and going without tunes adds that extra je ne sais quoi of utter suck inherent in being subjected to the random, idiotic bullshit ramblings of fuckheads on cellphones, mumbly-grumblies talking to their invisible friends, hecklers asking for money, etc. and further challenges you by diminishing your ability to maintain focus on the goal at hand while also simultaneously instilling in you an overwhelming urge to abruptly halt and strangle someone. Anyone.
3. Don't stretch or warm up or any of that phaggy shiat beforehand, by the way. That's just ghey. Jump right in and get your stride (distance between your feet at the longest point in your step or something like that) to it's MAXIMUM length - really feel the burn! - while dodging cars / assholes / tards / street lights / crackies and crazy people.
4. Smoke 'em if you got 'em. Throw the butts in a damn trashcan, though, not on the street. Don't be a lazy, ignorant piece of shiat.
5. It will require great agility, mental acuity and most of all, a strong desire to start consuming alcohol at the earliest possible opportunity. That's the real prize here. Oh, and getting to your train on-time, I guess. Yeah, that too. But mostly the cocktails. Some preemptive triangulation of the timing of Walk / Don't Walk (and the seldom seen "RUN, BITCH!") signs is helpful, as is the ability to process the relentless assault of multiple objects (broads with baby strollers / speeding yellow-light running douches, etc.) traversing your path, the trajectories of which are of such ill-placed randomness, even Stephen Hawking would freak out. It's somewhat Fear Factor, if you think about it. Oh shit! A pile of vomit from one of last night's delightful sports enthusiasts!! Look over there! It's an asshole who can't read the "No Turn on Red" sign, and he's headed right for you! Look out or you may cause him to drop the cell phone that must have somehow spot-welded itself simultaeously to his hand AND head! Oh the poor dear! ["Would you drive better if I shoved that cell phone up your ass?"]. Yes lady, it is always a damn fine idea to emerge from behind a parked car stroller-first in order to gauge the relative safety of crossing a busy city street at this particular moment....against the light. Them's some fine parenting skills there, Lou(ise)...
Arrive alive and you WIN! (wear those ugly assed, spandex Grandma panties and you FAIL, though. Always. At life. No gold medal for you - not yours!).
There's a workout for ya! There's more where that came from - hit me up for more great fitness tips, yo!
Aw yeah, biatches! RACE WALKING!!!! What. The. Fork, with that shizzle?
An Olympic even. Racewalking?!? Seriously, walking? Those cats are just...WALKING. FAST. Sure, really, really fast, but still just walking, nonetheless. Heel / toe / heel / toe / lather / rinse / repeat. That's it - WALKING. Something most folks do, cept those lucky fuckers with scooters, I suppose. In pondering this madness, it occurred to me that, "Shiat, I can haul ass with a big bag full of heavy crap, while smoking a butt and thingking furiously, from North Station to the office in like twelve minutes - and it's like a mile, my friends - if I have to. So EAT ME, "olympians". I dare you to try my kick-assed "racewalking" regimen - see how long your heart can take it before you stroke out, bitches! Any douche can walk reeeeeeally really really fast around a damn TRACK (a bouncy, space-aged polymer-constructed one to boot, versus the bombed-out, pothole-ridden obstacle course Boston's streets are - cobblestones??? Really??). Try that shiat from one end of the financial district to the other in Boston, or any wicked old, rickety urban area, during rush hour - now THAT is some Herculean shit right there.
Here's the master plan, chubbies! Get a pen. I'll wait...
1. Apply footwear (something rubbery; stilettos, not so much for this event, though platforms are a more stylish and reasonably lesser evil).
2. Power-enable muscial playback device with attached audiophonic interface capabilities. This step is optional, and actually, free-balling it and going without tunes adds that extra je ne sais quoi of utter suck inherent in being subjected to the random, idiotic bullshit ramblings of fuckheads on cellphones, mumbly-grumblies talking to their invisible friends, hecklers asking for money, etc. and further challenges you by diminishing your ability to maintain focus on the goal at hand while also simultaneously instilling in you an overwhelming urge to abruptly halt and strangle someone. Anyone.
3. Don't stretch or warm up or any of that phaggy shiat beforehand, by the way. That's just ghey. Jump right in and get your stride (distance between your feet at the longest point in your step or something like that) to it's MAXIMUM length - really feel the burn! - while dodging cars / assholes / tards / street lights / crackies and crazy people.
4. Smoke 'em if you got 'em. Throw the butts in a damn trashcan, though, not on the street. Don't be a lazy, ignorant piece of shiat.
5. It will require great agility, mental acuity and most of all, a strong desire to start consuming alcohol at the earliest possible opportunity. That's the real prize here. Oh, and getting to your train on-time, I guess. Yeah, that too. But mostly the cocktails. Some preemptive triangulation of the timing of Walk / Don't Walk (and the seldom seen "RUN, BITCH!") signs is helpful, as is the ability to process the relentless assault of multiple objects (broads with baby strollers / speeding yellow-light running douches, etc.) traversing your path, the trajectories of which are of such ill-placed randomness, even Stephen Hawking would freak out. It's somewhat Fear Factor, if you think about it. Oh shit! A pile of vomit from one of last night's delightful sports enthusiasts!! Look over there! It's an asshole who can't read the "No Turn on Red" sign, and he's headed right for you! Look out or you may cause him to drop the cell phone that must have somehow spot-welded itself simultaeously to his hand AND head! Oh the poor dear! ["Would you drive better if I shoved that cell phone up your ass?"]. Yes lady, it is always a damn fine idea to emerge from behind a parked car stroller-first in order to gauge the relative safety of crossing a busy city street at this particular moment....against the light. Them's some fine parenting skills there, Lou(ise)...
Arrive alive and you WIN! (wear those ugly assed, spandex Grandma panties and you FAIL, though. Always. At life. No gold medal for you - not yours!).
There's a workout for ya! There's more where that came from - hit me up for more great fitness tips, yo!
Monday, September 29, 2008
Wow. Just....WOW.
That's some SERIOUSLY farked up shiat, kids.
It's a GREAT MOTHER FARKIN' DAY to be poor!! YEAHH BABY!
/broke-assed mo-fos say "whuuuut" (whuuuut!) Can I get a "whut whuuuut"!
//silver lining etc.
p.s. Man, watching this thing tank into the 700s is just frickin creepy, man. Seriously - giving me the willies. Kind of. If I owned anything, man, I'd be freaking out. Since I've got nary a pot to whiz in, I'm just mildly uncomfortable, and trying not to think of the ramifications this is going to have. (Sadly, all of the sudden, those "Bu$h wants to be prezident fer LIFE" people aren't sounding quite as insane as they were, say, last Friday. Ulp....
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Epiphany, and why I will vote Obama.
I used to vote democrat because I perhaps didn't know any better. I qualify that with the caveat that I didn't know shit as politics were concerned, other than by and large, republicans didn't seem as if they had done much for me nor those of my ilk and after say, 2003 or so, they were pretty much sending us to our collective deaths. So I guess there's that.
At some point though, eons ago, I too was a 20-something. And when I was? Like you, what the fuck did I know?? Oh sure - at the time, we're all genetically predisposed to hold the steadfast belief that we know Everything(tm), when in reality, we know absolutely Nothing(tm). Ah, the roaring twenties, when we're all up in arms and pissed off and concerned about everything, lousy with our friggin protests, tee shirts attesting to our great and unfathomable angst (hey man, you're like, so old and you sooooo just don't get it, man) and our bumperstickers and our Rocking of the Vote, and of course that goddamned Critical Mass crap...
Flash forward to me, 2008: Friends, Hippees, Slackers: in a few years, some of you will likely be fortunate enough to have families, jobs or even entire lives that amazingly will not revolve around whatever cause-du-jour [ne, cause celebre, truth be told] you're protesting, en masse, today... In fact, said cause probably won't mean SHIAT-all of ANYTHING to you by then, but hey, thanks for fucking up my commute today - it's like SOOOOOOOO totally rad and AWESOME getting home at 9pm, missing the opportunity to put my children to bed (i'm a useless evil breeder though, so what the fuck do I know anyway?), and eating a cold-assed dinner before passing out from exhaustion. I understand that you're so very, very concerned and all, and the only way you could express your concern is to stuff Storrow Drive (or Market Street, for you west-coasters - oh yeah, I'm totally and unabashedly bitching at you fuckers too!) with your dumb-assed signs / bikes, whatever. You know what? GET A F*CKING JOB you lazy pieces of shiat. Better yet?? GET YOUR LAZY ASS ON A BIKE ON ELECTION DAY AND FUCKING VOTE FOR ONCE. Your demographic does a hell of a lot of bitching and moaning, protesting and blogging (oohhh, I'm gonna blog about you, neener!!), but rumor has it you pretty much SUCK when it comes to actually showing up on voting day. Believe me, I don't like putting down the bong / staying sober enough to drive, having to reschedule the removal of ticks from my dog or whatever lame-assed excuse you go with for blowing off exercisig one of the last rights you have left as an American any more than you do, but you fuckin' DO IT. If you don't? God help you if you're out protesting / bitching about Nukes or Bush or anything remotely related. I will seriously mow your ass down with my 11 year old, piece of shit mini-van (bank took the Audi, go fark theyself, hater!) and throw that shiat in reverse to make sure I finished the job.
If you don't vote, SHUT THE FUCK UP.
My point? VOTE, bitches.
I'm a 30-something now. Almost beyond that benchmark too, truth be told. So, those of you younger than I am , go awn with your hatin' of "old people" and well, of fuckin' everything, as you are wont to do. That's your thing - I know, babydoll - I was there - and I was likely better at it then than you are now. So, suck it. (I'm angry, getting older will do that to you - it will also probably saddle you with shit like hemroids, receeding gums and cellulite...and you wonder why we're fucking bitter? HOWEVER, if you're LUCKY, getting older will prompt you to actively seek becoming *wiser*, in that, you don't just wait for wisdom and think you're somehow entitled to it simply because you've been around longer, but you realize that the path to it is to actually get off your ass and FIND it.
And so, I used to vote democrat because, for lack of a better synopsis, I didn't know any better. And now I do.
Now?
I VOTE DEMOCRAT BECAUSE:
1. I give a f*ck. McCain is just....AWFUL. And Palin? JESUS H. CHRIST ON A CRACKER. Are you F*CKING KIDDING ME? Please, please, please, I BEG OF YOU to visit an impartial source - whether it's on the internet or at da liberry - just research it for yourself. No Faux Newz, no CNN, no Olbermann, no Limbaugh (the foregoing combination of pundits and hacks is no reflection of my personal views on any of them, with the caveat that Fox News SUCKS BALLS and Limbaugh is a useless shitbag - yeah, I said it!). Divine from a bevvy of the most non-partisan sources you can find exactly what each candidate stands for. It's NOT that hard. I work a full time job, I commute 2 hours each way, five damn days a week and I have a family at home and somehow, even against all odds, even slogging through the ADD, I managed to gain enough of a semblance of what each of these men stands for to understand who is a total fucking fraud and who is not.
2. I understand the system far better than I ever did, because I took the time to look into it - I looked up the voting records, lives, educational backgrounds, etc. of both Obama and McCain. I'm going to have to side with the self-made MAN, the one with the CONSTITUTIONAL LAW background, the degree from Columbia, the tenure at the Harvard Law Review, the one whose record in the senate (if even just basing the conclusion on the bills sponsored or co-sponsored by said senator) ALONE demolishes the competition. (Read for yourself. Shit, THINK FOR YOURSELF. Start here. Or anywhere. Just START!)
3. I came to the realization, through researching the REALITY of politics in the 21st century (and before....and beyond?) that, not for nothing, peeps - OMG, I'm a f*cking conservative. NOT a Bushite "conservative" [when I tell you Bush and his crew are the sickening, nauseating ANTITHESIS of everthing conservative, I am grossly understating things - the Bush regime is the DIAMETRIC OPPOSITE of every single goddamned TENET of conservatism. And they make me want to projectile vomit for that very reason]. The Bush Regime has DESTROYED what it means to be conservative and has, through the endless bullshit shenanigans, fostered an environment in which a great majority of the population, upon hearing the word "conservative", display an involuntary, Pavlovian and utterly visceral reaction akin to a dry heave and really, can you blame them?? It makes me throw up in my mouth a little bit too - now that I understand what it actually means to be a conservative, and how there isn't one fucking IOTA of conservatism involved in even a nanosecond of the last 8 years. It's been a friggin' HORROR SHOW, quite frankly. But yay us! We elected the guy we thought we could "have a beer with" [despite the fact that I'm pretty sure W wouldn't be caught DEAD with 99.99999% of the folks who voted for him, even if they happened to be carrying a pound of coke, two mexican hookers and an F-150 full of uranium. Still ain't gawna habben. Nah gawn do it.
I'm a conservative. I'm DISGUSTED with the old guard. The ONLY option for me in 2008?
Republicans who voted for Bush not once, but TWICE!??!?!!? You can seriously EABOD and DIAF for what that miserable band of piratical*, hypocritical, usurious bastards has done to this country - both here and abroad. DAMN YOU for your spin, your lies, your distortions of truth. What you and your greedy, soulless ilk have done to this country is nothing short of TREASON. I watched you heartlessly eviscerate the middle class, while pretending to champion them (unless they were actually middle class, had some education and an IQ about 70 - then you maligned them as elitist pieces of shit, because after all, an educated populous is one you can't as easily control, right Karl?) Some of you laugh at this - you've heard it before. And you laugh and you point fingers and call names - names like "commie" and "lib-rul, hurr hurr!!" and "turr-ist" because you're too goddamned stupid....ne, WILLFULLY IGNORANT to acknowledge the truth, the reality of what has happened to America in eight short years.
ARE you farkin kidding me with this shiat? I swear to Baby Cheebas, the next idiot Limbaugh-tard I hear "hurr hurr 'Fuck Yeah Amurrrikah'", I'm going to cawk-punch them like you f*cking READ ABOUT. You love this country so much, shiat-holes? GET OFF YOUR ASSES AND READ / LEARN / CARE / ACT then. Act for your country for once, NOT FOR YOUR OWN GREEDY, MYOPIC SELF-INTERESTS - e.g., elect someone who can actually BE THE PRESIDENT, not just some fucking CLOWN who tells you "Abortions for None, Small American Flag Pins for All, HURR HURRRRR!". Your ignorance, collectively, leaves me fucking SPEECHLESS.
Fuckin' Aye. I'm so very, very angy about this. Yes, ANGY. Ainnnn-Geeeeeeeeee. It's so sad that it makes me want to throw a damn temper tanrtum like a child - and lemme tell you, I have children and temper tantrums are like nails on the fuckin' chalk board. So I don't threaten to exact them on you lightly. But oh baby. I'm SO pissed.
Aren't you pissed? A little? Write me. Tell me. Tell me about your pissed-offedness. If you don't, I will think I'm alone and well, that's just fuckin' sad.
peace, bitches.
*Werd up, Biscuit! You're kind of my hero - and I co=opted piratical from you!
At some point though, eons ago, I too was a 20-something. And when I was? Like you, what the fuck did I know?? Oh sure - at the time, we're all genetically predisposed to hold the steadfast belief that we know Everything(tm), when in reality, we know absolutely Nothing(tm). Ah, the roaring twenties, when we're all up in arms and pissed off and concerned about everything, lousy with our friggin protests, tee shirts attesting to our great and unfathomable angst (hey man, you're like, so old and you sooooo just don't get it, man) and our bumperstickers and our Rocking of the Vote, and of course that goddamned Critical Mass crap...
Flash forward to me, 2008: Friends, Hippees, Slackers: in a few years, some of you will likely be fortunate enough to have families, jobs or even entire lives that amazingly will not revolve around whatever cause-du-jour [ne, cause celebre, truth be told] you're protesting, en masse, today... In fact, said cause probably won't mean SHIAT-all of ANYTHING to you by then, but hey, thanks for fucking up my commute today - it's like SOOOOOOOO totally rad and AWESOME getting home at 9pm, missing the opportunity to put my children to bed (i'm a useless evil breeder though, so what the fuck do I know anyway?), and eating a cold-assed dinner before passing out from exhaustion. I understand that you're so very, very concerned and all, and the only way you could express your concern is to stuff Storrow Drive (or Market Street, for you west-coasters - oh yeah, I'm totally and unabashedly bitching at you fuckers too!) with your dumb-assed signs / bikes, whatever. You know what? GET A F*CKING JOB you lazy pieces of shiat. Better yet?? GET YOUR LAZY ASS ON A BIKE ON ELECTION DAY AND FUCKING VOTE FOR ONCE. Your demographic does a hell of a lot of bitching and moaning, protesting and blogging (oohhh, I'm gonna blog about you, neener!!), but rumor has it you pretty much SUCK when it comes to actually showing up on voting day. Believe me, I don't like putting down the bong / staying sober enough to drive, having to reschedule the removal of ticks from my dog or whatever lame-assed excuse you go with for blowing off exercisig one of the last rights you have left as an American any more than you do, but you fuckin' DO IT. If you don't? God help you if you're out protesting / bitching about Nukes or Bush or anything remotely related. I will seriously mow your ass down with my 11 year old, piece of shit mini-van (bank took the Audi, go fark theyself, hater!) and throw that shiat in reverse to make sure I finished the job.
If you don't vote, SHUT THE FUCK UP.
My point? VOTE, bitches.
DON'T LET THE LAST EIGHT YEARS HAPPEN AGAIN.
EVER.
EVER.
I'm a 30-something now. Almost beyond that benchmark too, truth be told. So, those of you younger than I am , go awn with your hatin' of "old people" and well, of fuckin' everything, as you are wont to do. That's your thing - I know, babydoll - I was there - and I was likely better at it then than you are now. So, suck it. (I'm angry, getting older will do that to you - it will also probably saddle you with shit like hemroids, receeding gums and cellulite...and you wonder why we're fucking bitter? HOWEVER, if you're LUCKY, getting older will prompt you to actively seek becoming *wiser*, in that, you don't just wait for wisdom and think you're somehow entitled to it simply because you've been around longer, but you realize that the path to it is to actually get off your ass and FIND it.
And so, I used to vote democrat because, for lack of a better synopsis, I didn't know any better. And now I do.
Now?
I VOTE DEMOCRAT BECAUSE:
1. I give a f*ck. McCain is just....AWFUL. And Palin? JESUS H. CHRIST ON A CRACKER. Are you F*CKING KIDDING ME? Please, please, please, I BEG OF YOU to visit an impartial source - whether it's on the internet or at da liberry - just research it for yourself. No Faux Newz, no CNN, no Olbermann, no Limbaugh (the foregoing combination of pundits and hacks is no reflection of my personal views on any of them, with the caveat that Fox News SUCKS BALLS and Limbaugh is a useless shitbag - yeah, I said it!). Divine from a bevvy of the most non-partisan sources you can find exactly what each candidate stands for. It's NOT that hard. I work a full time job, I commute 2 hours each way, five damn days a week and I have a family at home and somehow, even against all odds, even slogging through the ADD, I managed to gain enough of a semblance of what each of these men stands for to understand who is a total fucking fraud and who is not.
2. I understand the system far better than I ever did, because I took the time to look into it - I looked up the voting records, lives, educational backgrounds, etc. of both Obama and McCain. I'm going to have to side with the self-made MAN, the one with the CONSTITUTIONAL LAW background, the degree from Columbia, the tenure at the Harvard Law Review, the one whose record in the senate (if even just basing the conclusion on the bills sponsored or co-sponsored by said senator) ALONE demolishes the competition. (Read for yourself. Shit, THINK FOR YOURSELF. Start here. Or anywhere. Just START!)
3. I came to the realization, through researching the REALITY of politics in the 21st century (and before....and beyond?) that, not for nothing, peeps - OMG, I'm a f*cking conservative. NOT a Bushite "conservative" [when I tell you Bush and his crew are the sickening, nauseating ANTITHESIS of everthing conservative, I am grossly understating things - the Bush regime is the DIAMETRIC OPPOSITE of every single goddamned TENET of conservatism. And they make me want to projectile vomit for that very reason]. The Bush Regime has DESTROYED what it means to be conservative and has, through the endless bullshit shenanigans, fostered an environment in which a great majority of the population, upon hearing the word "conservative", display an involuntary, Pavlovian and utterly visceral reaction akin to a dry heave and really, can you blame them?? It makes me throw up in my mouth a little bit too - now that I understand what it actually means to be a conservative, and how there isn't one fucking IOTA of conservatism involved in even a nanosecond of the last 8 years. It's been a friggin' HORROR SHOW, quite frankly. But yay us! We elected the guy we thought we could "have a beer with" [despite the fact that I'm pretty sure W wouldn't be caught DEAD with 99.99999% of the folks who voted for him, even if they happened to be carrying a pound of coke, two mexican hookers and an F-150 full of uranium. Still ain't gawna habben. Nah gawn do it.
I'm a conservative. I'm DISGUSTED with the old guard. The ONLY option for me in 2008?
Republicans who voted for Bush not once, but TWICE!??!?!!? You can seriously EABOD and DIAF for what that miserable band of piratical*, hypocritical, usurious bastards has done to this country - both here and abroad. DAMN YOU for your spin, your lies, your distortions of truth. What you and your greedy, soulless ilk have done to this country is nothing short of TREASON. I watched you heartlessly eviscerate the middle class, while pretending to champion them (unless they were actually middle class, had some education and an IQ about 70 - then you maligned them as elitist pieces of shit, because after all, an educated populous is one you can't as easily control, right Karl?) Some of you laugh at this - you've heard it before. And you laugh and you point fingers and call names - names like "commie" and "lib-rul, hurr hurr!!" and "turr-ist" because you're too goddamned stupid....ne, WILLFULLY IGNORANT to acknowledge the truth, the reality of what has happened to America in eight short years.
ARE you farkin kidding me with this shiat? I swear to Baby Cheebas, the next idiot Limbaugh-tard I hear "hurr hurr 'Fuck Yeah Amurrrikah'", I'm going to cawk-punch them like you f*cking READ ABOUT. You love this country so much, shiat-holes? GET OFF YOUR ASSES AND READ / LEARN / CARE / ACT then. Act for your country for once, NOT FOR YOUR OWN GREEDY, MYOPIC SELF-INTERESTS - e.g., elect someone who can actually BE THE PRESIDENT, not just some fucking CLOWN who tells you "Abortions for None, Small American Flag Pins for All, HURR HURRRRR!". Your ignorance, collectively, leaves me fucking SPEECHLESS.
Fuckin' Aye. I'm so very, very angy about this. Yes, ANGY. Ainnnn-Geeeeeeeeee. It's so sad that it makes me want to throw a damn temper tanrtum like a child - and lemme tell you, I have children and temper tantrums are like nails on the fuckin' chalk board. So I don't threaten to exact them on you lightly. But oh baby. I'm SO pissed.
Aren't you pissed? A little? Write me. Tell me. Tell me about your pissed-offedness. If you don't, I will think I'm alone and well, that's just fuckin' sad.
peace, bitches.
*Werd up, Biscuit! You're kind of my hero - and I co=opted piratical from you!
The financial "crisis"...
Ah yes - as predicted (by me, 8 years ago, natch!), we're on the brink of financial chaos. Taking only the mortgage situation into consideration, would it really be so difficult to triangulate a solution whereby, rather than just bailing out the effin-tards who caused this mess, by and large, the Gubmint mandates that mortgage companies re-write all of the loans currently in default? Seems pretty frackin' obvious that one great way to stem the tide of foreclosures might be to say, WORK WITH THE HOMEOWNERS, durrrrrrr! From personal experience, I can tell you that even when the cards are stacked utterly and completely against the lender (e.g., the property value has tanked, the market has tanked, the property has major challenges and the potential for huge liability on the lender's part, just to name a few), they simply aren't willing or aren't able to get beyond their ridiculously outmoded formulae for "working with the homeowner" and as such, are wholly unable to comprehend what "working what the homeowner" actually even means. It doesn't mean "you tell us how much you make, all of your debts, bills, how much you spend on tampons, how much beer you drink, give us a DNA sample, and we'll run it through the supercomputer, which will use complex trigonometric calculus to spit out a "workout plan" that you, dear homeowner will STILL have no shot in hell of being able to afford". It's assinine!!!
Were the collective of geniuses in Warshington to use just an iota of common sense for once in their Trail of Fail that the last 8 years have been, they would realize that all of these gigantic financial institutions might, just might, fare better were they, on every single loan that has gone bad, to get *some* money instead of *none*. How to accomplish such a colossal feat? Play some ball with the borrowers, dumbasses!!!
When faced with or given the option of either being strangled by a mortgage one has found onesself unable to afford (due to a rate reset, a job loss, etc.), if given no other option, unfortunately, people are going to walk away. Whether it is a heart-breaking absolute last resort, or a decision to cut one's losses or something in the middle of the continuum these two options span, it's going to happen. It has and continues to happen. And it's gutting this country in very tangible and quantifiable ways. Yep, people were tards, and weren't smart enough to read the fine print, do the research, etc. What else is new? Sure, it sucks and it's kind of hard to feel bad for the dumbest of the lot. But the reality is that a) not everyone sucked into this financial maelstrom is a tard and b) it is what it is, and it's f*cking SERIOUS as shiat at this point.
So lenders, throw out the old paradigms and get your heads out of your butts for five minutes. More specifically, you "investors" who back the mortgages serviced by lenders need to unclench your biscuits and loosen up the greedy stranglehold you have on servicers and give them the autonomy and flexibility they need to actually work with borrowers in order to both keep them in their homes and more importantly for you, investors, to keep those properties off your books and allow those assets to perform, instead of what you have now - a massive pile of non-performing shiat. Take a loss, take a hit, allow the homeowner to set terms they can live with - if even for a period of five years. It would be enough to allow that segment of the distressed borrowing population to make good on the deals they've worked out with you, and would serve two very important purposes. Take the short term hit for the greater long-term gain.
It just can't be this hard. I'm no economist, definitely not financially savvy, but JEEBUS!!!! If you owe me money and I have the choice between you paying me NOTHING and paying me something, I kind of feel like I'd be a gigantic TARD if I chose the option where I get NOTHING and have to break your knees, er, I mean take a loss.
God help us all.....
Were the collective of geniuses in Warshington to use just an iota of common sense for once in their Trail of Fail that the last 8 years have been, they would realize that all of these gigantic financial institutions might, just might, fare better were they, on every single loan that has gone bad, to get *some* money instead of *none*. How to accomplish such a colossal feat? Play some ball with the borrowers, dumbasses!!!
When faced with or given the option of either being strangled by a mortgage one has found onesself unable to afford (due to a rate reset, a job loss, etc.), if given no other option, unfortunately, people are going to walk away. Whether it is a heart-breaking absolute last resort, or a decision to cut one's losses or something in the middle of the continuum these two options span, it's going to happen. It has and continues to happen. And it's gutting this country in very tangible and quantifiable ways. Yep, people were tards, and weren't smart enough to read the fine print, do the research, etc. What else is new? Sure, it sucks and it's kind of hard to feel bad for the dumbest of the lot. But the reality is that a) not everyone sucked into this financial maelstrom is a tard and b) it is what it is, and it's f*cking SERIOUS as shiat at this point.
So lenders, throw out the old paradigms and get your heads out of your butts for five minutes. More specifically, you "investors" who back the mortgages serviced by lenders need to unclench your biscuits and loosen up the greedy stranglehold you have on servicers and give them the autonomy and flexibility they need to actually work with borrowers in order to both keep them in their homes and more importantly for you, investors, to keep those properties off your books and allow those assets to perform, instead of what you have now - a massive pile of non-performing shiat. Take a loss, take a hit, allow the homeowner to set terms they can live with - if even for a period of five years. It would be enough to allow that segment of the distressed borrowing population to make good on the deals they've worked out with you, and would serve two very important purposes. Take the short term hit for the greater long-term gain.
It just can't be this hard. I'm no economist, definitely not financially savvy, but JEEBUS!!!! If you owe me money and I have the choice between you paying me NOTHING and paying me something, I kind of feel like I'd be a gigantic TARD if I chose the option where I get NOTHING and have to break your knees, er, I mean take a loss.
God help us all.....
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