Picking scabs.

So, in pondering whether this blog thing is my coloring book or just a piece of crap within the confines of which I yammer on endlessly, I realize it doesn't much matter.

Now, before the muscle relaxer kicks in (been having fucked up back issues for like 3 months - feeling slightly mad about it, in the English sense of the word, though I suppose I am also angry about it, to some degree), there was something I wanted to relate to you, but I'm not sure I remember exactly what it was.

It has something to do with picking scabs. And how much it sucks when something enters your cleverly-constructed defense mechanism, strikes a direct hit and sends you reeling. I have a deep-rooted belief in a half-baked, probably retarded supposition that somehow, if we listen closely enough, or are otherwise in tune to it enough, we secretly know something about what's going to inevitably going to take us out in the end. And let me tell you, it scares the absolute SHIT out of me - there, I said it.

Monsieur Absurd and I were watching some movie tonight, or rather, he was watching the movie and I was diddling with my digital music playback device, my laptop, my blog, other folks' blogs, and of course, the requisite Legendary Thread(tm) on Fark. Like an asshole, I manage to shift my attention from my diddling to the movie at exactly the moment Adam Sandler describes the last conversation he had with his wife before the aircraft that she (and their children) are travelling on, slam into one of the World Trade Center towers on...yeah, that day. Can't remember the title of the movie, but that awesome dude from the Ocean's XX movies is in there as well - he and Sandler are dentists and Sandler's character's whole fucking family dies on one of The Planes.

Within, oh, I'd say 18 to 35 seconds, I'm fucking crying and I'm outenzie. Fwwwwoosh! Out of the room, nab the computer and the comforter, put the half-finished bowl of ice cream back in the freezer, take a muscle relaxer and here I am, telling you my greatest fucking fear. That secretly, I know I'm going out like that -- not in a terrorist attack, jesus H. christ, but fast. Suddenly. And I will regret all of the ways I fucked up in this life, and all of the people I wish I had been better to, closer with, more giving towards. I'll regret that I was never, ever able to be what I thought I was supposed to be to my unbelievably, ridiculously, psychotically AWESOME babies; that I was never able to leave behind a cohesive work - a piece of me that was quintessential and resonating and whole for both them and for myself, selfishly. I'll regret that somehow I always knew that the stupid shit I did would fuckin' pay off accordingly - although for shits and giggles, despite the fact that I'm opting for the oven-crisped method of disposal when the time comes, I just might have "I wish I'd Smoked More!" inscribed on my tombstone, because that's how I roll.

So there. There you have it. You lucky sons of bitches. You, the anonymous reader who ended up here accidentally. Now you know something about that little black hole that I think we all have, but we never, ever speak of.

That fuckin' movie. Don't watch it. It sucked. I think. Stupid feelings.

We now return you to our regularly scheduled political / societal / fromage-from-under screed, already in progress.

This one's for you, Sarah:



p.s. I'm gonna be psyched when you bust out those 40-something hoo hoos of yours. Because really? If you're the attention whore I think you might be, you will. Come to the dark side, baby. You KNOW you want to. You KNOW you will. Your goddy-godderson stuff? Yeah, we're not so much buying it. Oh hey! Is that the end of your career I see from my front porch?

/heh heh. Yeah.....

Friday night is the new Thursday night, yo!

So, it's Friday night and in like the span of 1 hour, I've now seen TWO "Breaking News" alerts - the first that McCain actually defended Obama's character today, when faced with yet more of his DEWSHY, ASSHAT, IGNORANT TARD-TACULAR supporters -- you notice I don't use hillbilly, because hillbillies rawk (well, some do....) and that just wouldn't be right -- spewing their hate-filled, utterly incomprehensible fucking BILE, along the lines of "terrorist!" and "kill him". Those pieces of shit should DIAF and burn in the hell that must certainly be their miserable lives. EABOD, you fucking losers.

Ok, so, I guess I should throttle down on the rant. My back hurts and I'm exhausted. So I'm crabby. But it doesn't excuse you miserable shitty douche-licking whore bags. And that's putting it mildly. F*CK YOU for your racist, ignorant, "book learnin' hatin'" GARBAGE that is the etiology of the cancer that is destroying this country. I can't WAIT until you have to sit and eat shiat EVERY SINGLE DAY as you are faced with the reality of a OHHHH SCARY BROWN PRESIDENT!

I will laugh. I will laugh HARD. And I will LAUGH AT YOU for sucking so badly at life. You are the epitomy of FAIL, cawk-punches. Yeah, you - the ones with the secret belief that Obama has ANYTHING to do with the TURRISTS. You are repugnant motherf*ckers. And you deserve the hell that is your life.

Second "news flash" of the night, as it turns out, OMG Palin is a lying sack of shiat, obsessed with power, (cough-VIOLATED STATE LAW-cough) and a total harpie!!!! OMG!!!11!11!Elenventy!

in case you missed it: VIOLATED STATE LAW

OMG I can't wait til November 4th so I can vote in another dirty, lying, miserable, fallacious, underhanded, devoid of scruples / conscience / a SOUL group of C-BAGGERS. YAYYY!!! I, for one, welcome our fascist, inherently EVIL pieces of crap Overlords!! VOTE KANGA! (Abortions for some, Small American Flags for others!)

DERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR ya F*CKIN TARDS!?!??!??!?! What the f*ck have we been TELLING YOU since, like, 3 seconds after it was announced that she was the pick for VP.

I am telling you this now, if McSame somehow manages to STEAL this election (too) I will lose my shit. I will definitely stroke out, or at very least have a F*CKING ANNEURISM.

If those of you that are f*cking clinically RETARDED manage to vote in another set of fucking LOSERS of the ilk we've just had to spend EIGHT F*CKING YEARS suffering under - OMG, you seriously deserve the f*cking HERPES OF THE EYE and perhaps even the itching, burning, fissured ANUS. Because you're hateful, miserable, rotten, MISGUIDED troll-tards and you should have your voting privvies REVOKED!

Stay tuned - seems like all the good shit comes out on (you guessed it!) Friday night.

/I think it's muscle relaxer time. I'm somewhat peeved.

She's not dumb, she's just drawn that way....

Awesome. Read it.

"I don't think Palin is dumb; she is just proudly ignorant, a cynical opportunist and a pathological liar. " -Andrew Sullivan, The Atlantic Monthly

So? What do you think? Dow @ 8,200 today?

The Asian markets took a beating over night (sucks when you invest in a country run by total douchenozzles, right "my friends" in the pacific rim?)

Don't worry Asia, we'll uh, totally pay you back...someday....or not.

/disclaimer: a SIGNIFICANT portion of this country *didn't* vote these tards in - EITHER time. Of course, there's a decent amount of doubt that we ever voted them in in the first place. Thanks Diebold!!

Dear god I pray / hope / URGE this shiat to change and to change NOW. People of Earf, do NOT become complacent in the face of rising poll numbers. On November 4th YOU MUST GO VOTE!!!!!! Do NOT sit home on your broke asses, tokin' on the bong and eatin' the cheetos and think "eh, Obama's totally got this one in the bag, I can chill here with my homeys and my "Ow My Balls", because if you do? You'll end up reaping what you sowed. And that will SUUUUCK!

This country pulled it's shit together during the great depression and I have to believe that, with an educated, eloquent, **respectable** and admirable leader at the helm, we can do it again. Anyone else just holding their breath until Nov. 5th, until the nightmare is over? I am. If I NEVER have to feel disgust, anger, resentment and loathing for the holder of the office of the President of the United States, it will be too damn soon. If I never have to watch a clown-car-load of total ASSHATS steer this ship into a fucking maelstrom of FAIL, it will be TOO SOON!

GET OUT AND VOTE ON NOVEMBER 4th.
It's our ONLY hope.

p.s. welp, it's 11:15am and we're already at 8,200.....if a DOLT like me can take a guess and be right on this shiat, WHY CAN'T THE PEOPLE RUNNING IT STOP SUCKING AT IT?!!?!?!?

Hate to say I told you so, but....

F*CKING SCARY.

Welcome to 8-thousdands land, pilgrims!

and, LOLZ:

For this, I'll vote for Palin! You Betcha!!

Palin Invited To Join The Pussycat Dolls

PUSSYCAT DOLL NICOLE SCHERZINGER has invited U.S. vice presidential candidate SARAH PALIN to join the sexy girl group, if her election campaign fails next month (Nov08).The singer is convinced former beauty queen Palin has got what it takes to join the all-singing all-dancing five-piece.The Buttons hitmaker says, "She seems like a headstrong woman, a tough chick. And she's hot."It's not the only offer on the table for the 44-year-old Republican governor of Alaska - Playboy boss Hugh Hefner has already asked her to strip naked in the famous men's magazine.

Now THAT is some change I can believe in!!

Old School!

p.s. DOW going into the 8-thousands today, folks. You heard it here first.

Prezzie'Bate II: Electric Boogaloo

ACT II – The Second Presidential Debate: (10.7.08)

AWESOME!!! Countdown to the debate. Have to go cut my nails so I can type WICKED fast. (Massholes in the HIYOUSE!)

(cue video of McFail and Mrs. McMoneybags debarking from the McFail express jet. McFail plane – tail tags – instead of N6794Q, MCFAIL! Air traffic control, come again?)

OK, I’ve cut off my fingernails and even buffed them down just a little so I can type way wicked faster, and it’s now 6 minutes (6 minutes dougie fresh you’re on, uh uh on!) until the debate. I’m free …balling!....er, falling….she loves jesus and horses too – sorry Failin moment…..

6 minutes til the debate. SO TOTALLY READY. All of the indicator lights are looking pretty damn green – McFail is UNSTOPPABLE as a total and complete Fail Machine!!! OMG – how can you not LOVE this guy for the abject FAIL his campaign has embodied throughout this election season??? What really scares me thought is that I kind of feel like it’s possible that this is yet another freaky Rovian plot, whereby they (the neocons) know there is something SO horrible and SOOOO ugly coming down the pike (they think), that they were like “Bro – seriously, you need to throw this election – FOR REALS” to McCain. Why the fark not? Let the dems take the fall for the last 8 years – please keep in mind the attention span of the average American – OMG look at that pretty bird! Ohh, the colors.

See what I mean? Yeah – sad, but true.

“Ginned up” said by Chris Matthews? Really? What does that even mean?

OH JESUS farkin’ Chris Matthews just invoked JFK – really bro?!?! WTF????? I’m telling you RIGHT NOW – if something happens to Senator Obama in the weeks, months or years from now, we need to SERIOUSLY rise up and have a good old fashioned REVOLUTION or anarchy or SOMETHING, because that will be some SERIOUSLY farked up shit, and I think, were it to come to pass, that I would unequivocally have a goddamned nervous breakdown at that point.

I’d move to the middle of farkin’ nowhere, Canada (or Mexico – not so much with the cold, ya feel me?), live completely and totally off the grid and prolly be that farken weird grandma all obsessed with her guns, apron, pies, corn crop and mayhem. You know the kind – maybe that’s your Nana too? Kay, not really my nana – they’re both in the afterlife now. They were pretty special though – Nana Green , fresh off the boat from Germany (Hausach!) and Nana Fern, right from the hizzie in Napoli, bitaches!

AW YEAH LET’S GET IT ON! (9:01pm, live from Tennessee it’s (um….) PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE LIVE!~

Slight eye-roll at Tom Brokaw, but I’m not sure why. I kinda think it might be because he’s been satirized so many times – mocked up, if you will. Yeah, the audience is totally going to be quiet. The fark with THAT shit.

And in this corner, BARAAAAAAAKKKK OHHHH BAAAH MAAHHHHHH!!!!
What a contrast – short / tall, black / white, gimpy / awesome…..curmudgeonly and carbuncular vs. smooth and elegant.

Oh boy – Section A question– Alan Schaeffer.

With the economy on the shitter and us old people being like WTF – what are you gonna do for me, bitch?

O: Thanks peeps – we are in the shitter – seriously, it SUCKS! I’d be scared too if I were a broke-assed mofo like you….but honestly, Bush III again? You’d even consider voting for that asshole? You can’t be serious. Now I’m gonna give you a shitload of facts so you know that my name is the LORD! (Heh heh. Samuel L. Jackson).

Bama, if you can make sure these goddamned piece of SHIT CEOs don’t get their golden showers, er, parachutes from this shit – if that’s the ONE thing you do in 4 years of being president, you will STILL be a farking HERO in my book. ASSHOLES!

I love this farkin’ guy – truly. As the magical SP says, “you betcha”

McFail: quack quack quck quck, cock-a-doodle-doo! Amurrickens are pist – I have a plan. MMMM, energy

ARE YOU FARKING KIDDING ME WITH THIS SHIT?!!??!?!?! DUDE YOU VOTED FOR US TO DUMP OUR FARKING BRAZILLIAN DOLLARS INTO IRAQ / IRAN / OTHER, and now you’re being all “oh, we shouldn’t dump all our money into countries that don’t like us, e.g. countries full of BROWNNNNNNNN PEEEEEOPLLLLLE! Brown people are scary, My Friends™ - REMEMBER THAT! /vote mcFail).

Oh I SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO dislike this bologna-hole – I just can’t even farking listen to him.

I am so disgusted with JSM, I actually feel bad for him. Just a little. I feel bad that he had a stroke and farkin’ lost his damn MIND and is now up on the public stage making a MAJOR ASS out of himself. I seriously do feel bad for him, because folks, he’s DONE. Stick. Fork. Him. DING! Timer. DONE.

FARK Hank Paulson. For real.

McFail: ahh funny joke about not having Tom Brokaw run the Treasury! “That’s a hard question – well, uh, we need someone people can trust. Warren Buffett likes Obama, he sounds like a good guy – and hey, Meg Whitman – Ebay Lady! Who doesn’t farkin’ LOVE ebay!?!?! Only tards and commies hate eBay! Anyway, blah blah blah, economy sucks cuz, uh, crony-ism, ooga booga brown people, etc.
Obama: I like warren buffet, but you know, I like other people too. Next Treasury Secretary has to help the PEEPS, man! The middle class –HELLO!!! Annnnd, a roundhouse punch – “fundamentals of the economy are sound” quote. LOLZ!
OHHH FAH! (like anyone cares what heObie says after THAT one – like that kind of miscalculation on McCain’s part, that kind of financial FAIL leaves the door open for anyone to care about ANY of the other crapola. Someone get McFail a calculator! Bitch can’t add!)

Oliver: uh, how you gonna hep me out?

McFail: blah blah people are greedy – Main Street / Wall Street! DRINK!

Additional protections – oversight – yes, oh, the taxpayers will TOTALLY get their money back, WINK WINK! Blah blah Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac - OBAMA caused that with his cronies!!!

YOU DIRTY LYING STINKING PIECE OF FARKING CRAP!!!!!! Are you FARKING KIDDING ME?!?!?!?:!?!!?

Obama wrote a letter to the feds in farking 2007 warning about this shit and YOU STILL VOTED FOR IT. OMG I seriously LOATHE. THIS. DEWSH.

Obama’s on now, but I need a smoke. GOD McFail fills me with the angry.
So now we’re on economy questions – not sure Obama’s knocking this one out of the park, but frankly, if it came down to it, at this point I’d vote for a farking can of CAT FOOD before I’d vote for McFailin. I shit you not.

McFail: yeah, you should feel shitty – it SUCKS to be poor like you.
“reaching across the aisle”!!! DRINK

Lieberman – what a DOUCHE. “bipartisanship” DRINK

Reform – DRINK!!!!!

Citizens Against Gov’t Waste?

“liberal” spending!?>>!>! I hate this guy – I HATE liars.

Obama’s going to put the SMACK DOWN on him for this one – 9:22pm…mark my words. Overhead projector at a Planet-Arium in CHI?!?!?

M cFail: “Look at our records” Yeah, let’s DO THAT – “Native American Basket Weaving Study”, for example, Senator McFail. (opencongress.org)

The FARK you do. You’ve had TWENTY SIX YEARS and what have you done?!?!?!
Sending money overseas?!?!?! (*head asplodes)

TB: What are your priorities?

McFail: What are my choices again? (TB: facepalm) uh, let’s reform all of those – all that shit. Yeah, that’s what we’ll do! Oh uh, by the way, um, old people? You’re farked.

“RONALD REAGAN” DRINK!! “Nuclear power plants / new jobs / alternative fuels…” (that’s why I consistently vote AGAINST them!!! )

“My Friends” DRINK!!

“TERORIST ORGANIZATIONS” (DRINK) [vomit]…(what a dick bag)

TB: OK ‘Bama – can you do “everything” ?

OBama: uh, no – that’d be retarded. Energy needs to cut the shit. Ahhh! Russia, Venezuela – versus “ooga booga middle east”. $15B over ten years – we are free on Middle Eastern oil (and an invocation of JFK – if the Americans wanna do it, it gets done. #2 – healthcare. #3 Education.

Sen. McCain mentioned our records – and mentioned earmarks – I’m gonna go all UP in that shit to make it work! Line by line, biatches! How about our taxes – how we gonna keep up this Bush tax cut shit - $4B?!?!?! WTF? That ain’t right.
TB: What sacrifices will you make?

McFail: Understand you aint getting shit – we’re gonna cut the shit out of everything that doesn’t make “My Friends” and I a profit. “Earmarks” DRINK!~
Asshole, repetitively invoking the overhead projector shit is LAME.
McFail: 9:30pm – Fark Yeah, Ameriiiiikahhh! Git R Done!

OB: (for real, bro!) oh no SHIT he just “nine-eleven’ed”!!!!! WTF?!?!?!? Nice. Gloves, coming off….old man, going down.

Republican ears across the land suddenly at the mere mention of “9-11”…..Like a dog whistle or a siren, when your dog starts howling…”I smell cake!”.

“Oirl”? Hmmm not sure what he means, but I think he knows that at this moment this shit is going in the can TOTALLY for him – how do you fail against MCFAIL? God, Obama would have to be captured on film drinking fetus blood, rollin’ in his ’64, drinking his Gin ‘n Juice (laiiiid back!) smoking a bong and fisting a nun to blow this one, baby. At least, it would take that kind of farked up shit to overshadow the MAJOR PHAIL in the Bush Regime. God almighty – it’s like the biggest Walk of Shame™ EVER. Like, that time you got so drunk, you banged the guy with the farking glass eye, small shween and strange body odor – not to mention the malformed, “my mom was exposed to environmental toxins while pregnant” gymper leg. Shit.

What the fark was I talking about?

Yeah, sorry about the no-no words, but bitch, I have CHILDREN and I work in an OFFICE – these are TWO places I’m not allowed to sputter off the “FARKKKKKKK”s at will, so pretty much you’re all I have. You farkin’ nutty, random, ‘tarded band of chimps like me. I love you guys. Srsly. All like, farkin, 4 of you that might haphazardly end up on this BLAWG, through no fault of your own.
JESUS H CHRIST with this piece of SHIT “$5K tax credit”. OMG what a FARKING SHAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (he makes me stabby – that McFail – did I mention that? I hope I wasn’t in any way ambiguous on my feelings around McFail. Yeah, around. I said it. I hate it, but I’m filled with piss and not enough farking chemicals at this point. What can I do to remedy?

LOLZ w/ the “straight talk express lost a wheel on that one”. President Obie, I srsly love you SOOOOO MUCH!

95%, mofo! English!! DO YOU SPEAK IT!~ So, tards who make jack shit money like me, and less, OPEN YOUR EARS AND STOP BEING RACIST ASSHOLES.

Sorry – I told you, I’m out of my goddamned mind tonight. Angry, creepy weirdo farkin’ crackie in my general vicinity this evening that has unsettled me quite fiercely.

Basically, unless you’re a totally money-laden, soulless ass-clown, there is NO WAY ON EARF you can look me in the eye and convince me that McFail is a better choice than Obama.

“my friends” DRINK!~!!! 9:41pm.

Guh- more drinky needed. Shut the FUFCK UP about all the dems you’re BFFs with, McFAIL – YOU’RE A HYUUUUUUUUUUUGE FRAUUUUUUUUUUUUD!!!!!!

Oh, and invoking LIEBERMAN over and over? Wow – that’s some brilliant strategy there – that guy doesn’t seem to know his ass from his elbow and comes off like a complete and utter TOOL, FYI.

Let’s just have all the tards and monkeys bang their stubby, simian digits endlessly on 187 IBM Selectric typewriters for about 150 hours and I GA RON TEE you, those hairy bastards will come up with something BETTER than anything McFail / Bush et al. have perpetrated on us over the last eight years.
Jesus H. Softball question, peppered with “green jobs” n shit. Ughhhh…..
McFail, you didn’t disagree with SHIT, so stop lying.

“President Bush says….blah blah…or something like that….” (McFail)
Oh sweet jesus on the cross.

McFail can barely farking get these words out – buh buh buh battery operated…uh…things, and uh, fireplaces! Yeah! Who doesn’t like a nice fireplace! We can burn the timbers from all those empty houses, heh heh!....(Too soon?)
OB: jesus. I can’t believe I have to dumb it down to this degree for these people. Motherfarkers, education just went to the TOP OF the farkin’ list. Jeeeeezus.
YEAHH OBIEEEE with the “26 years in Congress” slam!!! Been waiting for that one. BOOM! Bonus points. I was hoping he was gonna whip that one out, heh heh. Sen. McFail looooves him some drilling, baby. Yeck. Honestly – if we could have drilled our way out of this shit, don’t you think we WOULD HAVE by now??!?!? Shit, I like money!´ Stop being tards, tards.

TB: lights are on, nobody’s home…..Should we go totally off on a new New-kewlar bomb or make a 2nd silicon valley?

McFail: I like boobies. Blah blah blah, make it until it gets profitable, then take it private……WTF? He’s slamming Buch & Cheney? This motherfarker is hell bent on MAJOR fail….ugh. I don’t envy him.

My friends – DRINK! 9:49PM

“Drill baby drill”. Yeah….. that’ll work. Stammer, stammer – look how much Obama sucks! He’s brown? Did I mention that? He’s BROWN!!!!!

Ohh, Lindsay! (wish she could talk – something about healthcare – commodity – wait, what?

OB: bitches, McFail’s plan AIN’T SHIT. Need I say more?

WHAT THE FARK? 10:08pm and AGAIN with the farking’ McFAIL campaign and their “can’t have anudder HOLLAH-COST”!

And that’s where I kind of faded out, edited this piece of crap and decided to eat some Xanax and call it a night.
Nighters’ biatches.

p.s. Bob Schieffer's gawna rock it OLD SCHOOL! Or something. Whatevs.

Better late than never...(notes from the Veep Debate)

I have concentration issues, so sue me.

Musings from the Veep-Bate 10/2/08:

THE VEEP DEBATE – LET’S GET IT ON! (10/2/08).

“Kin ah cawl ya JOWE?”

Time of Death? 9:27pm. That’s when Palin started to lose it. By 9:32, I actually felt bad for her. It’s not even like Biden’s broken out the A-list shit yet, and she’s already on the ropes. “Drill baby drill”? What fucking planet do you live on, you gaping, vacuous chasm of VOID? I like how every time she tries to employ stats, Biden contradicts each and every one. That’s funny, I don’t care who you are.

NEW KEW LAR!?!?!?! WHAT THE FUCKKKKKKKKKKKK? Still? Still you idiots think that shit plays in oh, ANYWHERE in America?!!? Are ya fuckin’ NUTS? Clearly.

She sucks so hard, I fear the emergence of a black hole of SUCK at any moment. Numbers aren’t your friend, McFAILin.

And on we go to the GHEY question!!!!!

Biden: yep, I’m not a total fucking tard. Let the gheys get married.

Failin: Nope, gays are dirty and an abomination!! But I’m totally tolerant of their “choices”….! Ahhhh – she dodged it by milking the religious thing. Yargh.

Biden: we’re not re-defining shit. Just being fair.

What the fuck just happened!?!?!? Palin “whargarbled” and said “next question”. WHAT THE FUCK? “I’m not going to answer your questions the way you want me to, or “whargarblllllll”.

Failin: O’Bama hates the troops! He cut funding for them!!! OMG! We have to win, we can’t pull out!!! (Because pulling out is birth control, and that’s just wrong!)

Biden: shift responsibility to the Iraqis….even THEY want it! The only odd man out is JMcC – he voted the SAME WAY as Obama w/r/t funding the troops b/c there was NO TIMELINE, asshat!!

Nice!

Biden: Make IRAQ pay for their freedom with their $80B surplus! For John McCain there is NO END IN SIGHT for this war. We will END THIS WAR.

Failin: um….you’re surrendering! You pussy! Our troops! America, fuck yeah! The surge totally worked! We’re done in Iraq when they can take care of themselves…

The TALIBANI and WORKING WITH US?!?!?!? Jesus H. Christ what the FUCK!? “Talibani”:!:!:!:!: [eleventy]

Failin is CHUM right now. (Jaws theme) Ohhh, Biden’s licking his chops. He’s actually having a hard time not laughing out loud at her!! OMG. Can’t blame him. Not one bit.

Palin is unintelligible. Oh shit. And the TRAIN WRECK? 9:44 pm. WOW.

Biden: (more tangible evidence of McCain’s Colossus of FAIL! And a nice jab about Phailin’ never cracking a book).

(AMERICANS, PLEASE NOTE: Joseph Biden has the ability to properly pronounce “NUCLEAR”. Honestly, isn’t that good enough for us after the last 8 years????? It’s fucking NUCLEAR!!! NOT “NUKEYULUHR”).

(yack yack, Pakistan…..zzzz) Ohh BURNNNNNN w/r/t Bin Laden!

Failin: The war on terror is in Iraq now? (There’s that ‘fag’ talk again…and now some New-cular) [insert Israel love here….and two more NUCULARs here].

JEEEEEsussssss – again with the “meeting without preconditions”. You’re a fucking TARD – LEARN HOW TO PRONOUNCE NUCULAR.

WHAT THE FUCK?!?!? AN “ally like Israel”!?!?!? When is the last time Israel did SHIT for us!??!?!?/

I pretty much just see them engaging in some sick, twisted, German prOn, complete with black patent leather and big red gag-ball (please Jesus, if you’re out there, hear my prayer, let Failin be the SUB here. Pretty please? Red ball gag, mmmmmmm!).

Biden: She’s just fuckin’ retarded….NICE – calling them out on the fallacy of Ahmadinajad’s power in Iran. Calling bullshiton the “passion for diplomacy” – our “friends” are like “cool OUT bitches!”. If we don’t rap with our peeps, and we keep tripping out ‘n shiat, we’re screwed. WTF with dissing Spain, McCain.

Failin: “whargarrrble, also, too….”

WTF? WHO THE FUCK IS TALKING ABOUT SECOND HOLOCAUST?!?!?! /FACEPALM. That shit is like 9-11 x 10x11th power….(head asplode)

There will be NO McCain Palin administration. Give up the dream, biatch.

The FAIL, it burns.

Biden: [rocks it hardcore with the AWESOME Hamas BURN!!!!! Ohhhh with the Hezbullah!!!!]

Failin: Ham- what-now? Hez-bo-who-there, now?

Delish! “Abject failure”!

Failin: No, and I’m glad we both love Israel! (Scuse me?!?!)

(That’s where hubby fuckin lost it and physically went to the TV and wished he could ninja style kill her with a sharp finger through the television – that’s pretty serious.)

Biden: McFail is just Bush in different shoes. They both suck, suck, suck!!! George Bush! Bush! Bush! Bush! FAILLLLLL!!!!!

(Biden is slow-roasting her…..9:56pm – this is so much earlier than I thought it would be)

Wait, now she said “Nuclear”? Did her earpiece come loose? Kim Jung “Ull”? Oh damn back to Noo-cular. Ohh, let’s talk about Afghanistan! “McCain like totally won’t be like Bush, nuh UH!” “Obama said mean things and that’s mean! Think of the children!!”

Biden: Facts matter, Gwen. The dude RUNNING the shit in Afghanistan says the shit we did in Iraq WILL NOT WORK in Afghanistan. The COMMANDING DUDE. He said it. You FAIL! You get NOTHING! Good day, er….lady! I said GOOD DAY!

Fuckin war – the only thing she gets passionate about and sounds half decent on it. Fuckin’ beautiful. GOD I love her so much I wish I could vote for her like twice! (or not)…

Did Biden just falter??? Oops - Nope – she FAILS. “I wiki’d vice president! I know what a VP does!!” [FACE PALM / EYE ROLL]

(annnnnd, SCENE! Cuz I couldn’t friggin bear any more….)

That's. So. Farkin. AWESOME.

It's so beautiful as to potentially cause one to have just a wee tear in one's eye.

Could it be true? Could our long national NIGHTMARE (see: last 8 years) be over???

Bring it home, people. BRING IT HOME!



p.s. you betcha!

Ad Hominem, propaganda, etc.

What I overheard at Rove University

Palin is totally down with the 'Sixpacks' like us, you betcha!

From CBS, so take it's for whatever it is or isn't worth?

"Overall, the 2007 return shows that last year the couple had an adjusted gross income of $166,080 and paid $24,738 in taxes - about a 15 percent rate after deductions. In 2006, the records show, the Palins earned $127,869 as adjusted gross income, with taxes paid listed at $11,944 - less than a 10 percent rate.

On federal financial disclosure forms, also released Friday, Palin and her husband listed assets worth from $960,000 to $2.3 million. Because the values of assets are reported in broad ranges, it's not possible to calculate an exact value for their holdings.

Like many Americans, their most valuable asset is their home. Theirs, in Wasilla, is valued at $500,000 to $1 million*. According to the Matanuska-Susitna Borough, the land and structure are appraised at $552,100.

*that's like 2 to 5 times the value of my house (or the house I'm living in, whatevs)

Their next most valuable asset is a fishing leasehold, worth $100,000 to $250,000*. Todd Palin's fishing business was valued at $50,000 to $100,000, and his snowmobile racing enterprise was put at $15,000 to $50,000.

*WAY more than I make in a year - that I support an entire family on. Middle class MY ASS, Miss Alaska.

Todd Palin also has a retirement account worth $50,000 to $100,000*, and he owns a variety of mutual funds in a 401(k) retirement plan through his employer, the oil company BP. Sara Palin also has retirement accounts from the state of Alaska and the city of Wasilla, where she was once mayor, valued at $115,000 to $250,000.

*Well, gawwww-lee! They sure am be some DOWN HOME HOMEY FOLKS, ah reckon!

The Palins also own shares of two land parcels worth a combined $51,000 to $115,000. "

I pretty much own SHIT. A 10 year old vehicle, a house I can't get the bank to farkin take (or not take, as the case may be), a hundred boxes of absolute JUNK, a set of nearly 10-year old Calphalon cookwear, some Henckels and Wursthoff knives....a bucket of really old shoes and shit that I can't quite bring myself to toss yet. And this BIATCH is trying to shove that whargarbl of BULLSHIT down my throat about how she's "oh golly gosharooney! I'm just super-dooper middle class, ayup!". She and her husband make and have this kind of cash in f*cking ALASKA -- you know what those dollars would tranlsate into in say, Boston or New York or LA? She'd be like any other douchey asshat, yakking incessantly on a cell phone, unable to use a blinker because her other hand is occupado with a 'latte', driving her precious snowflakes to ballet / soccer / karate (that is, if she weren't like, sorry kids, mommy has better things to do, good luck to yas, I reckon!!).