YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHH “MY FRIENDS”!~!!!
I’m STOKED for this debate. Part of me feels like it’s a foregone conclusion that FINALLY, the log jam of the last 8 years is going to be broken.
I’m going to try to do this without the cussin’, but I’m not sure if it will work or not. Bear with me. I will likely break into a barrage of F-bombs once McFail takes the stage.
I’m sorry McFail, you were probably once a really good dude (or not), but man, the resounding call I hear across the land is “I’d have voted for the 2000 McCain, but I have no idea who this guy is now, and I’m not feeling all that secure”.
Let me just preface this with the statement that the race-card crap just SOOOOOOOOOO needs to stop. It needs to stop NOW. It is ridiculous – white people who are bigots should just be exiled from the country. Send em OUTTA HERE. Honestly – the “I’m white and I don’t like black people” is SO utterly retarded, so unbelievably ignorant / disgusting / soooooo 50 years ago (or 20, or 15 or 5, depends who you are, I’d imagine). Similarly, people needing to lean on the crutch of all that needs to stop that stuff too. You’re better than that. WE ARE BETTER THAN THAT.
Aren’t we? If we’re not, we are sorry, sad, ridiculous excuses for Americans. Get OVER it – when the country is in a state such as it is now, getting pressed over the ancillary stuff is a terrible waste of time and, more importantly, resources. People, if you waste your time on things that, at the end of the day (sorry – overused I know), reall8y don’t directly effect you (case in point is this whole pro-choice / pro-life thing.: does what I do with my vajayjay REALLY, truly, arguably have any DIRECT correlation on the quality of your life? SURE, me killing the unborn may made you sad. It may make you cry. You may worry to yourself, “what if she kills the baby Jesus with her heathen, abortive ways!!! Oh my Werrrrrd!!!”.
Let me assure you, I am NOT the vessel to house and deliver the next Jesus to you. First of all, it would seem that I’m unable to bear boy-children, as evidenced by my two glorious, insanely awesome dooters.
Second of all, we’ve already established that I’m a dirty flippin heathen. So, there’s that, too. And also, too…LOL at SP!
Anyway, that’s the poop with that. It’s dark outside, there are no coyotes to shoot, and it’s almost debate time, so I guess I’ll smell you in a fewsky.
AWESOME! Here’s the prediction (
McFail is going to possibly throw the Ayers thing at Obama and Obie’s going to smack him down.
OR – McFail will outsmart us all and NOT bring that up.
Then again, at every single opportunity since the Palin pick, McFail has, well, Failed. So I’m not banking on him pulling something spectactular out of his rectum and WOWing us all, let’s put it that way.
The pundits echo my sentiments. To the point, sometimes, where I secretly suspect that they are acting most piratically (yeah, Biscuit! Props!) and completely stealing my material. What else is new? (Adjust tin foil hat in 3…2…1).
You know what else? Not for nothing, I really like that Mrs. Obama. She’s *classy* and it is about damn time we had some class back in D.C. This is not to cast aspersions on Mrs. Bush (any of them), as they have been pretty classy throughout. But Michele Obama brings a newer, richer, more robust and (most importantly) RELATABLE class to the arena today. She’s classy. She’s not riddled with sketchy rumours. She’s down to earth. She’s genuine [and if she’s not genuine, I don’t care – she’s just fine in my eyes].
And Obama? Seriously, if you can’t find a way to at *very* least RESPECT the man, there is something wholly wrong / empty / missing from you, if I’m being honest. I make no assumptions for the future; I’m not that naïve. Every man has the potential for fallibility. But at every turn; given every opportunity, I have not seen Barack Obama fail. I have not (most importantly) ever had a moment of disgust with him. I have never had to wonder about his character. I’ve listened to the words spoken by him directly, versus listening to the idiocy of sound-bytes, third parties, newsflashes, etc. I didn’t have to listen to the pundits, did not have to be swayed or otherwise convinced by them on the subject of Barack Obama. (But holy SHIAT I wish that man would lay off the text messages already! Obama supports, can I get an “A-MEN!”. Yeah, you know what I’m sayin’….
(Drumroll) 9?
Let’s welcome Barack Obama and John McSame!
YEAH SHIeffer!
Let’s get it on!
Bad day on Wall Street [drink!]
MC: tax cuts cap gains / tax breaks seniors
Why is your plan better?
M: thanks, thanks, thanks. OH GOD WITH THE NANCY REAGAN!!!!!!! Americans are hurting. Angry. Innocent victims. Wall Street!
Senator
1-JOBS! End tax breaks for cos shipping out jobs / tax breaks for cos making jobs in
2 – tax breaks for ppl making under 200K / access to IRAs without tax penalty (wait, what?)
3 – disagree w/McFail on how to help homeowners – we’re gonna pay FULL PRICE for shiat that’s already been marked down!??!?! Daaaayummmmmm!~
let’s fix the shiat that matters to people…..
McFail:
BS: uh, sounds good!
McFail: Gack!
McFail: Don’t call me that!!!!
McFail: He’s BROWN! And he will, in keeping with his brown-ness, STEAL YOUR MONEY!!!!!!
Oh snap –
Deficit: Sux to be you. Both of you. Whatcha gonna do about it? Some peeps analyzed it and you’re BOTH full of crap. What you got?
“Aren’t you both ignoring reality?” Give us specifics.
NICE! “PROFLIGATE!” sorry, dingbats who hate “book learnin’”. Sorry you will have to either look that word up, or writhe a little inside as a result of the cranky that happens when your soul realizes you’re a DUMMY.
McFail: energy independent! Millions of jobs! Spending freeze! OHHH HATCHET / SCALPEL (DRINK). “WE” have presided over the biggest yack yack….10 trillion debt…china….I know how to do it!! I do!!!
Uh, how?
Uhhh, STUFF! You know!! Ethanol! Um, er, ETHANOL!! Uhh, whatever – I KNOW HOW TO DO IT!!!!! I F*CKING KNOW HOW TO DO ITTTTTT!! VETO! VETO! PORK PORK PORK!!! PORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRK!!!!!!! OVERHEAD PROJECTOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUUUUUUUUUCK!!!! OMG I’m LITERALLY LAUGHING OUT LOUD (
Ok, I seriously think I just had a debate orgasm. OVERHEAD PROJECTOR!!! (Frig it, I’m going for two!!! I’m greedy like that!!!)
(god, I’m literally short of breath for that, and I think I need a smoke – whew that was good).
A-ss-ho-le.
McFail: I’M NOT BUSH! HATCHET / SCALPEL!!!!! That one voted for yack yack, taxes on ….$42K income…yack, energy independence. Energy independence!!!! I KNOW HOW TO DO IT!!!
He seriously looks like he’s going to ASPLODE in like 14 seconds. God, I hope I’m still conscious, being that they’ve hit every major DRINK word in just the first 22 minutes of this thing.
(eyeroll). Now McFail has laid down the gauntlet – this is the big one, folks.
Ah, the great
“If I’ve mistaken Bush’s / Your policies, uh, sorry about that – but YOU ARE JUST LIKE HIM!!!!!” Yay you, being ,kind of against torture – that’s generous of you, considering.
McFail: Oh I’ve TOTALLY ….disgreed – LOOK AT THE SCARS!!! Earmarks!!! [DRINK!] (medic, bring the replacement liver, please, this one’s no good no mo’) I’m a FIGHTER!! Blink blink blinky blinkity blink!!
BS: say it to each other’s FACES, bitches!
McFail: it’s been hard! Really hard! (don’t forget
Yeah, the tone of the campaign C OULD HAVE BEEN DIFFERENT, but I’m retarded and so is my ENTIRE campaign staff, my advisors, weep weep, and my VP pick is just titties and ass, titties and ass. REPUDIATE {drink, if you still can}.
Who the f*ck is John Lewis?
MS: Obie SPENDS MONEYYYY!!!!UT OH HHHHHH – public money thang! Ohhh, you broke your promise.
You know what, while I FIRMLY believe it’s too late for McFail, I have to at very least throw him a bone here – he doesn’t suck as much as he has the last few times and at this point it’s probably the best anyone can hope for.
Obie: dude, 100% of your ads are lies / negative / etc. HA HA ON YOU, OLD MAN! Healthcare / energy / tax policy…the notion that because we’re not doing town hall meetings, that somehow justifies the craptactular ads - that’s RETARRRRDED. Can we please get back to the issues instead of this inane bullshiat? Oh yeah, elitist haters? Inane means “really traded”. Better? (eyeroll)
McFail: WATCH MORE TEE VEE / SPORTS TEAMS, yeahy!!!! Boo hoooo, you TOTALLY attacked me and like, wicked lied and WAHHHHHHHHH! I love immigrants! Someone needs to mow my 14 lawns!!!! Obama spends WAYYY too much money!! WAHH!!! JOE THE PLUMBER (is just code for Joe Sixpack). What’s next, Joe Plumber’s Crack?
McFail: stutter / stutter / flail / but-but-but
McFail: b-b-b-but – sputter / well / wait! OFF my LAWN! Hurrr hurrrrrr
McFail: I love my hillbillies! American flags! Veterans!! WAR! Rah rah!!! Rah rah rallies! Screw that!! Too bad!! BLACKIE!!!!!!!! Re-PYEW-DEE-ATE mother forker!!!! I ain’t havin’ it.
McFail: Who am I? Why am I here?? ACORN!!! Voter Fraud!! Fabric of Democracy.
McFail: DON’T CALL ME THAT!!!!
McFail: Ohhh Ayers wanted to bomb MORE!!!
BS: (eyeroll)_ yeah whatever. Sorry I saked. NEXT issue. The running mate thing.
HOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOO {DEFINITELY DRINK HERE]
Why is Joe biden better than Sarah whats-her-tits?
McFail: Have you SEEN Palin’s titties? Biatch has popped like 5 kids out of that clown car and is STILL totally hittable. She’s a BREAST…er, BREATH of fresh air!!! Oh yeah! She understands those helmet wearing kids and the uh, otterism, and um, er…TITTIES. And uh, she’s wicked good with the ‘tards, dontcha know!
BSL Is joe Binden qualified?
McFAIL: NO, he votes AGAINST war – so he’s a tard!!! He wanted to divide
(uh, how much is that
Here we go with the oil question.
McFail: we’re going to invade….(drumroll)
I can take a break here, because the oil thing is a SHAM / a game / a ruse, and you can take that shiat to the bank.
….aaaand we’re back!!
(yep, they too, like we, are playing the Debate ChugaLug World Series ’08)
mcFail: yargh! HE WANTS NO PRECONDITIONS! We’re going to invade
HEALTHCARE:
McFail: Grrrrrrr!!!!! (clothing seams ripping ever so slightly / skin pallor taking on a verdant hue – visible only to the most discerning of bate-watchers!) We have to do lots of stuff! Let’s put your health care records On Line!! Fitness! Nutrition! OH god with the piece of shiat $5K healthcare tax credit and JOE THE PLUMBER!! Capital gains increase – OBAMA IS BROWN!! OOOGAH BOOGAH!!!!! Oh JOE PLUMBER, PLEASE VOTE FOR ME!!!!!!!!!! I will even RAKE YOUR LEAVES!!! You know how hard it is for me to rake?? I was a PEE OH DUBLEYEW! For FIVE YEARS!!!
McFail: mumble muble, lawn, off it….ywhargarbl!
McFail: BIG GOVERNMENT! TAXES! Ooogah Booogahhhh – He’s BROWWWWWNNNNNN!!!! OOOOGAHHH!!! You’ll all get shiatty heal insurance, don’t worry!!! Not for you fancy people with your penicillin and your bandaids and your plastic surgery and your transplants!!!! BIG GOVERNMENT – did I mention that? Oh Joe, I will gently stroke that furry place between your shank and your pooper – doesn’ that sound nice!?!?!?!? VOTE FOR ME PLEEEZE!!!!
And in this corner, ROE!!! And in this corner, WADE! DING DING DING! Let’s gitttit AWN!
McFail: litmus test / supreme court judges / democrats suck, hate conservatives! I voted for some libby leaning judges – VOTE FOR ME PLEEZE!!! ICAN HAS PRESIDENZY? Yackity, yack, babble…whargarbl. I’ll pick the BESTEST people EVAR!!! Legislating from the bench [DRINK]
(LOLZ for McFail trying to “out-consitution the CONSITUTIONAL LAW PROFESSOR” Sweet baby jeebus on the CROSS is that some hilarious crap right there).
McFail: just get married, you whores! Tough crap. The children! Won’t someone please think of the children!?!?!?!? (This guy has absolutely no idea what the word “nuance” means….Ugh.).
[Ice Cream Break]
McFail – “pro-abortion” movement? What kind of an out-of-touch TAMPON is this guy? Seriously??????
Schieffer: We FAIL at education. What the farsky with that?
[WIN!]
McFail: Damn. I’m tired. (yawn) uh, ghetto schools (he’s BROWN!!!! REMEMBER THAT!!!
What the F*CK did I just hear him say?????: Military people can just BECOME teachers and shouldn’t hav eto take those stupid “tests” and have those ridiculous “qualifications”.
Ok, folks. I’m going outside the norm here and rather than freaking the f*ck out, I’m just going to close (before I stroke out) and remind you that you’re hearing it here first (or not, whatever) – McFAIL is IN THE TANK FOR OBAMA!!!!! McFail is totally throwing this election. What he just said is perhaps the MOST asinine, nonsensical thing I’ve ever heard from a candidate for president. And OH BABY is that saying a lot. Er, “a lot”. Also, too.
LOLZ!
p.s. if you haven't passed out yet, and are still somewhat coherent, WHAT THE FORK WITH THE ELMER FUDD STUTTERING, Nervous McShaky?
