Damn Libruls, hurr hurrrr!!

I like to remind people of my pretty damn conservative leanings when, during the course of a discussion about politics, they shoot the "jesus, another damn Librulllll" my way when I state unequivocally that I wouldn't vote for McSame / Stalin under *any* circumstances.

Took this foofy intarweb quiz ("How Liberal or Conservative Are You?") and here are the results (I chuckled):

Overall: 80% Conservative, 20% Liberal

Social Issues: 75% Conservative, 25% Liberal

Personal Responsibility: 75% Conservative, 25% Liberal

Fiscal Issues: 100% Conservative, 0% Liberal

Ethics: 50% Conservative, 50% Liberal

Defense and Crime: 100% Conservative, 0% Liberal

/suck it, Hippees! (just kidding, you know I love you!)

Bloggy Treats

Oh, I am LOVING THIS SHIZZLE!

I don't know much about this "gawker.com", but I clicked on a link from the fark.com politics tab (werd up, TFers!) regarding the rumors swirling around about the infamous Mrs. Palin (cue dry heaves here) and found some seriously gem-tacular shiat in the comments section. Here is my personal pick for top shelf quote:

ColPash said:

"Her policies are offensive enough, and you are all going to get what you deserve when you elect her. Just don't ask to suck at the government teat when you can't make your mortgage payment, or fill up your tank, or heat your home in the winter. Republicans have been in power for most of the past 30 years and they haven't delivered on their promises of smaller government and less taxes (for the middle class as opposed to the superrich); for that matter they haven't delivered on abortion, either. What they have delivered is Abramoff-style corruption, bigger government, economic decline ahd the prospect of another Great Depression, war without end, and the end of the American Empire, putting a stake through the heart of the American dream."

Couldn't have said it better myself. (OK, maybe I could have, but....)

Itsjustcatnip said:

There is so much real political fodder to use against her, but hey- let's tell anti-Alaskan and anti-redneck jokes in the hopes that every single Alaskan and redneck will get offended and vote for her out of spite! Because we like the way this country is going and want it to keep doing so!

I *wholeheartedly* agree with this sentiment. We're witnessing yet another mass socio-political default to the most banal, the most base, the absolute lowest common denominator and we're (again, collectively) lapping it up by the bucket-load. And why? Because by and large, the universal "we" are not well-versed enough in the variegated tapestry of nuance comprising 21st century politics and simply don't have the requisite background in the process to even begin to truly decipher this maelstrom of suck and all of the douchebaggery, skullduggery and mishugas inherent therein. So, we're spoon fed our pablum by whatever corporate shill-o-meter we happen to religiously tune into and as such, therefrom the basis for our "belief" system is formed. And by belief, I mean "assessment".

Issues are harrrd, let's watch reality television and drink Brawndo!!! I like money!

/Idiocracy

And this, from a fark thread about (what else): (I think it's frickin' BRILLIANT!)

[Lusiphur]: "Has it been pointed out yet that some people deserve to be looked down on? It sounds like an elitist thing, but it's also a highly effective motivation to create the kind of change necessary to make America a better place. The one example that sticks out in my mind is welfare. People always talk about how people used to be ashamed to have to go on the dole in the 40's and 50's. It was the kind of thing you were so terrified of that you got up every morning and got dressed and pretended to go to work for 8 hours while looking for a job. Just so people wouldn't think you were a dead-beat. Now (well, not now now, but 15 or so years ago), Old Dirty Bastard was proud of the fact that he rode in a limo and covered in gold jewelry to the food stamp office and got his food stamps. Now, if we were allowed to sneer at these kinds of people, maybe they might change. Or education. Used to be people were ashamed of being illiterate. Now, people brag about how much they hate reading and hold being a redneck as a badge of honor.

If you consider it an honor to be an uneducated, uniformed, and generally underachieving member of society, you deserve all the derision that can be heaped on you."

p.s. word to Hunter S., yo.

Psychic Friends Block Party....

Here's some of my early scribblins, harvested from the delightful wayback machine thingy. Note the dates that proceed the ramblings.....

Thoughts and comments (or speechless marvelling as you behold my awesome powers of divination, maybe?) welcomed.

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Ranta Del 11/6/00

Stop Riding the Sheeple Train.
People, I have to ask you WHAT IT IS YOU ARE THINKING. Please, someone, anyone, just drop me a line and give me compelling evidence for why on this earth you would vote for George W. Bush????? Please, the curiosity is killing me and I honestly am too damn lazy to (huff) go to his website http://www.georgebush2000.com/ and read about why I should luuuuuvvvv Dubyah. I have suspended belief that we live in anything but a Matrixian web of wierdness where fools are kings and kings are....wait, are there even any Kings left? (Ones that matter, I mean). At any rate -- simply put, In a matter of days, this country -- with it's yahoos and rednecks and big, dumb dummies -- will elect YET ANOTHER farking GEORGE BUSH!!!!! (Does the middle initial even matter here?? Does anyone really think that GHB and GWB are even separate people???). Here's my prediction for the next 4 - 8 years...you check on back in here then, and see if I'm right.

Here goerthe:

1. Watch for a HUGE military build-up. Further prediction: within 18 months Amerika will, once again, be at / involved in / jumping into some war overseas. I could guess the middle-east but that's sort of a no-brainer at this point. I'm going to predict that it will be a country

a) other than one of the ones we consider "middle eastern";

b) one of the ones we have yet to actually get in a war with (well, in recent memory, anyway); and that

c) unfortunately, this time it will be "personal" - which means that we will probably see some action here on our soil. Our delusion of being America the Untouchable will be erased BUT QUICK when someone takes a shot at us and doesn't miss.

(Wishful prediction: That we get into it with Holland so I can be captured, brain washed and coerced into being a Dutchie. Boy, that sure would stink.)

2. Watch for the 80s to come completely back. Sure, if you live on the fringes of sheelpledom, you may already have seen the signs: high, pointy heels; low, squat, curvy heels (I dry heave at the thought); leather pants everywhere on everyone, etc. But I predict that when you DUMB-ASSES put lil Georgie-Junior into the fa-RICKIN' White House, the economy will stabilize (yay, that's grreat!!), then inflate, then inflate to a hereforeto unknown level, then implode completely, throwing us right *forward* (notice I didn't say back - back will look like a bed of thornless-roses and calorie-free cheesecake, baby) into a recession that makes the one we had back at the end of the 80s (for some of you, especially the tradesmen) well into 1993, look like....well, insert your own Dennis Millerian metaphor here. Dot-commers will be glad they bought those utterly abhorrent and ridiculous land-massy SUVs; they will be LIVING in them.

3. Best of all, I predict that at least four Sheeple* will baaahhhh and bleat their common anguish as the shock of what a steaming pile of loaf we're now (then) in cruelly disrupts the ignorant Sheeple bliss and that judging a candidate on his provenance and ability to spew utter bullshit rather than his merits and achievements was really the choice of a dumb-ass and perhaps we've gotten exactly what we've deserved.

-fin
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And den.....

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Stardate: 11-11-2000 We should have let them be their own frickin' country, man.

You see, THIS is what we get, I tell you whut. If you look at that swell map of the Yu-Esse' that all of the networks utilised during the Erection, er, sorry, Election night follies, you'll notice a big red swath across the mid and southern United States. What we have heyah is, failure to HAVE RATIONAL THINKING PEOPLE choose our next frickin LEADER!!!!! Folks, the SOUTH has picked our next president (at least, I think they have, course, as of today, no one is really sure). Does anyone recall other judgement calls made by the south? Hello, SLAVERY? Cecession? Does starting their *own* country ring a bell with anyone in the context of discussing the idiocy that occurs with startling regularity south of the Mason-Dixon? Does ANYONE remember BILLY RAY CYRUS, tassles and rhinestone-encrusted "western wear" or THIS hairstyle?????? Perhaps I'm just a crotchy old Yank at heart (though I dislike the Northeast almost as much as the south, albeit for different reasons entirely), but MAN, these suthunuhs make mind-numbingly ludicrous decisions. Ordinarily, with the exception of cases where we need to go down there and open up various containers of whup-ass, the stupidity of the suthunuhs' decisions doesn't really have much bearing on our intelligent, refined, genteel Nawthun ways - until NOW. "Ooopsie, I didn't mean to vote for Pat Buchanan, (cough- now that I fully realize the gravity of throwing my vote away on a candidate who stood absolutely NO chance of winning" -- folks, it's like going to Spain and attempting to order good Thai food. All you're going to wind up with is one hell of a case of MSG poisoning and something you didn't want anyway. You see? Your vote really DOES matter - now ain't that just a fine how-do-you-do? Who knew? I didn't.

There's only one entity worse than the south in all of this, and that's the Media. The pundits love to yap about how we're living in the "end-times" and so, as a result of my judeo-christian brainwashing - i mean upbringing - I can't help but look around and wonder "Well, who's it going to be? Who IS the anti-Christ?". Gee-Dubya couldn't possibly be - way too much of a dunder-head (thanks again, you frickin' hick MORONS - way to elect a guy with NO EXPERIENCE - Hello, he has NO EXPERIENCE - let's vote for the cracker red-neck frat-boy over the guy who's been co-piloting one of the most prosperous periods in American History - YEAH!!! --IDIOTS!!) -- I digest. So, the anti-christ. I'm thinking it's either Intel (doo doooo doo DOO!) ( iii - mark of the beast?) or, more likely, it's the entire gawd-damned U.S. MEDIA. Can I get a witness????? In the last 10 years, especially, what, with the advent of rotten, mind-rotting shit like Jerry Springer (Jerry's show should be regulated like alcohol and tobacco - NOT for children, or even already-stupid people. If you're not smart enough to see the biting social satire, and you feel inclined to slap on a white hood or pick up a chair, you should NOT have access to this programming...), the media's tendency towards the unabashedly parasitic has increased by an incalculable factor. OJ. Jon Benet. Clinton-Blewinsky. Elian. JFK Jr.'s scuba trip. Need I say more?

The media's shark-like feeding-frenzies frighten me. The big M has violated each and every code of ethics allegedly inherent in it's unspoken charter, going from impartial observer (was it ever, though, really?) to judge, jury and bitchy neighbor who can't keep their mouths or drapes shut. And all of this under the utterly transparent guise of "reporting the news". To me, it's remniscent of mid-century Germany wherein folks were just "doing what they were told" with no thought, no inkling that what they were doing what socially and morally reprehensible. What's worse is that we, as a nation, can only yell at our television sets when we've seen / heard enough. Who among us wasn't ready to take a sledge hammer to the teevee on or about July 15, 1999 (day 2 of John-John's ill-fated trip to the Vineyard?). Big news is a dead, bloated carcass floating in the ocean and the media are the vultures that pick the rotten flesh from its' bones. Privacy, decorum, decency are long-since dead, and the rattling bones long since picked clean. Our media are blood-thirsy scavengers, preying on the sick, the dying, the dead and the stupid. What's worse? Someone out there is watching, and gulping down every rancid spoonful doled out- and still coming back for more. Somehow, grotesque exploitation of any and all seems to sit well with some cross-section of the population. And that is simply unfathomable.

I feel violated by the media. I feel force-fed heaps of bile-laced filth. Why did "we" need to know every sordid detail of Clinton's escapades with the chubby intern? Why did our media feel compelled to act like a 3-year old who's just learned about dirty words and now says them at every opportunity for the sheer joy of shock value? Why are things like this suddenly "news", when even 50 years ago, we didn't have to hear this? I'm willing to bet you that JFK was Clinton to the 27th power AND on crack, but even now, the real deal(s) remain sealed up in someone's vault, or perhaps someone's grave. Before we tinker with the consitution, the electoral process, the framework of this country, we should revamp our "media". Don't ask me how. That's another rant for another day. Until we figure it out, just say NO to the media. Shut it off, turn it down, avert your eyes. You're ingesting someone else's rendition of what they think you need to know. It may taste nice now, but the hangover is going to suck.

(Sure - I feel fortunate enough to know the difference, and sure, I can shut it off, turn the channel, etc. But what about those who can't? What about those sheeple who believe what the media tells them? I guess that would be the south. BzzzX----EEeett! Fished IN, AGAIN! Ayup!)

The election in all of it's utterly absurd glory.

The absurdity of this election cycle actually physically burns me. And it should be similarly so for you. If one possesses even the most minimal command of one's faculties, one should probably be as outraged as I am.

I consider myself to be a conservative. At least I'd like to be. But conservatism is not just dead, it's very nearly past the bloating / stench stage, and is frankly quickly approaching total dessication (if we are to place it somewhere on the death continuum).

I will vote for Mr. Obama, thank you. The assclowns who have run the show for the last eight years have been and will, should McSame and Sarah "OMG ARE YOU FUCKIN' KIDDING ME WITH THIS SHIT, WTF????" be elected, continue to unquestionably EVISCERATE this country. Frankly, I'm disgusted. I'm horrified. I'm stunned to the point of almost not being able to muster the adrenaline response necessary to give a fuck any more, truth be told - but then it returns. When I see or hear the 90,000th "news" story dissecting the delicate nuances inherent in the cosmetic stylings of our porcine brethren, I swear to Christ, it brings me to 'Debilitating Stroke' level of freak-out even faster than being stuck in fucking Boston traffic does - and I think you can extrapolate that one out on your own, right sweet cheeks?

JESUS H. CHRIST on a cracker, *are you people kidding me with this shit*?! Honestly. The economy is IN THE DUMPER. Education is in the dumper. Roads and bridges are literally collapsing before our very eyes and we, as Americans (NOT "Amurrikins, fuck yeah!") are either completely or shortly will be the laughing stock of the UNIVERSE. And why? Because our colletive shit has spun horribly and wholly out of control and no one seems to be able to stop it. Thanks to shitty fiscal management on the part of both the government and the populous, we taxpayers get to whargarrrbl down yet another 90 quntillion dollars of national debt.

God, I hate this miserable piece of shit place sometimes. And yet, I totally and completely love it and I hope to god there is some fight left in us, collectively, to stop this scary, brakeless slide into the abyss because OMG, I'm figuratively shitting my pants at the crap I've seen and the crap that seems likely to come down the pike at us. While I'm sure this isn't lost on you, dear reader(s) (dare I dream?), I'm waxing apoplectic over the state of the union as it now stands.

More later, when I'm not quite so spastic. You see, I had to work late today, since food and oil and everything else has become so goddamned expensive and well, I like to be able to feed my kids and shit.

God, I can't wait for the debates. Though I fear that Obama may not have the dirt-bag, jugular-piercing instinct necessary to go head-to-head with the likes of Darth Rove & Co., which sucks because it seems that if you're classy and smart, you get shit on these days by people who would rather be fucking ignorant, petty, lame and bitchy, versus the "olden days" when people actually valued education, hard work, etc. Goddamn this Springeresque wasteland. Fuckin' TARDS.

Ignorant, closed-minded, religious-teat-suckling morons: please, just DIAF already.