I read this article, the one about the big lawfirm guy who made the unfrotunate mistake of yammering loudly on his cell phone (on a TRAIN, of all places - jesus!), and my initial reaction was along the lines of "OMFG, LOLZ, Holy Shiat, HURR HURRRR". "That guy is teh stoopidzzzz!!".
But you know, after reading the whole thing, and the comments, etc., and seeing this thing burning up the intarwebz, I gotta say, I feel bad for the guy. Sure, he was prolly being a dewsh (talking on your goddamned cell phone that loudly on a train is grounds for a STABBIN', in my book. Not literally, lawyers, natch!), and OH MAN did he use some poor-assed judgement. But all the cracks about his weight? All the name calling and just plain ugliness w/r/t his physical appearance? The utter and complete lack of humanity? Honestly, only Rush Limbagger deserves that kind of vitriol. This poor bastard probably doesn't.
Sucks to be him. Probably sucks to be all of us, if you think about it. (Sigh).
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Tatiana, ORLY???
oh my god. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I think I might have sounded better doing this song at the bar in Whitestone, Queens, NY, after like 27 Gin & Tonics.
Oh children. I know you sound good in YOUR head - but perhaps you should get a goddanmed grip on reality and LISTEN TO THE PLAYBACK.
Pro Tip: If you do the thing where you read my blog and re-play tonight's episode of AI, as you may have done with the Pink Floyd and the Wizard of Oz, you'll laugh. Probly.
Alright, now that I officially have a) the carpal tunnel, and b) the nausea, I'm AUDI 5K.
Oh Tatty - STOP. Just STOP. NOOoooooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooo
I think I might have sounded better doing this song at the bar in Whitestone, Queens, NY, after like 27 Gin & Tonics.
Oh children. I know you sound good in YOUR head - but perhaps you should get a goddanmed grip on reality and LISTEN TO THE PLAYBACK.
Pro Tip: If you do the thing where you read my blog and re-play tonight's episode of AI, as you may have done with the Pink Floyd and the Wizard of Oz, you'll laugh. Probly.
Alright, now that I officially have a) the carpal tunnel, and b) the nausea, I'm AUDI 5K.
Oh Tatty - STOP. Just STOP. NOOoooooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooo
American Eye-Dolls...OH GOD NO.
Oh god. It's Tatiana time. And most likely, my last post of the evening, because I'm fairly certain that after this horrible Berkley School of Muzak reject, I'm going to stroke out and not be able to aspirate AND type - I will have to make a terrible choice between oxygen and entertaining....myself. THE HORROR. I'm not even sure I can make it that long, till TWATIANA performs.....
American Eye-Dolls...8 of ?
Would totally hit that, if only to utterly and completely sully it. Not fabulous, but man, that guy can operate a drilling rig and shiat AND can get this far on the AI? Yeah, would prolly hit that. Cept I have a SMOKING HAWT hubster, so, realistically, I wouldn't hit it. I reserve the right to use "I'd Hit That" to indicate an absence of nauseation inherent in many Tee Vee Foulks.
I think Paula JUST NEEDS TO STOP already. OMG you changed hands / microphone / Bo Bice / OMG OMG OMG>
ST FFFFFFFFFFFFFU! And Simon says? "you're only here cuz you're a broke assed hillbilly who happens to also be attractive". Yawn. whatevs. NICE! Props to Simon for backing the kinda sexy guy. "Sing pretty"???? "Here honey, take my balls, I don't need them any more".
Next?
OMFG. I'm nauseated already. What the FARK with these chicks thinking they can do ARETHA?!??!?!? Are you farkin kidding me??!?!? Someone please, hand me the cane - time to yank them off. (That's for all my old school / old time homeys - "get the cane / yank 'em off!! - GONG!!!"
I soooo dislike this chick. She's really quite horrible. Ohhh I can do runs!!! That am be making me a good singer!!!!
I think Paula JUST NEEDS TO STOP already. OMG you changed hands / microphone / Bo Bice / OMG OMG OMG>
ST FFFFFFFFFFFFFU! And Simon says? "you're only here cuz you're a broke assed hillbilly who happens to also be attractive". Yawn. whatevs. NICE! Props to Simon for backing the kinda sexy guy. "Sing pretty"???? "Here honey, take my balls, I don't need them any more".
Next?
OMFG. I'm nauseated already. What the FARK with these chicks thinking they can do ARETHA?!??!?!? Are you farkin kidding me??!?!? Someone please, hand me the cane - time to yank them off. (That's for all my old school / old time homeys - "get the cane / yank 'em off!! - GONG!!!"
I soooo dislike this chick. She's really quite horrible. Ohhh I can do runs!!! That am be making me a good singer!!!!
American Eye-Dolls...7 of ?
Cue Paula crying for the hottie hotness ("Casey CaRlson"). Yeah, it's hard to be Paula.
she's smokin' hot, that girl. That Idol - 07? Christ - she looks like Jackie O. And you know what, when you're a hawt piece of arse, you don't NEED to be overarchic...crap....abundantly talented. You just need to Classy-Beautiful. Please, don't bother to dispute. Kay, that chick has an AWESOME mom. Rawk AWN Hot Girl's mom. Nice legs! Sheweeeeeet.
Up next? Michael and Anne-Marie. Can't. HArdly. Wait.
Oh, Sol Kumin, what was the scoop? LOLZ.
she's smokin' hot, that girl. That Idol - 07? Christ - she looks like Jackie O. And you know what, when you're a hawt piece of arse, you don't NEED to be overarchic...crap....abundantly talented. You just need to Classy-Beautiful. Please, don't bother to dispute. Kay, that chick has an AWESOME mom. Rawk AWN Hot Girl's mom. Nice legs! Sheweeeeeet.
Up next? Michael and Anne-Marie. Can't. HArdly. Wait.
Oh, Sol Kumin, what was the scoop? LOLZ.
American Eye-Dolls...6 of ?
OH. SNAP.
This girl is seriously beautiful. And what's better? She doesn't come off as a pole-dancing TARDBAG.
Let's see if she can sing.
Oh sweet lord. At least she's beautiful. OMFG. "For me, that was a little pitchy".
PITCHY
Oh holy shit on a stick. HOTTIE was HORRIBLE!
OMG.
This girl is seriously beautiful. And what's better? She doesn't come off as a pole-dancing TARDBAG.
Let's see if she can sing.
Oh sweet lord. At least she's beautiful. OMFG. "For me, that was a little pitchy".
PITCHY
Oh holy shit on a stick. HOTTIE was HORRIBLE!
OMG.
American Eye-Dolls..5 of ?
AWESOME - The indian (dot) guy doing BOBBY BROWN, biatches~~ Shweet! Love this guy.
OH GOD. "Monica"? Who the fark is THAT?!?!?!? I'm shutting this shit off.
Here, feast on THIS.
OH GOD. "Monica"? Who the fark is THAT?!?!?!? I'm shutting this shit off.
Here, feast on THIS.
American Eye-Dolls...4 of ?
unghhhh... i don't know this song, or this contestant. She SUXXXXXX tho.
Who is the next victim? (Who the fark cares?)
Hey AI contestants? LEAVE YOUR FARKIN PARENTS AT HOME. THEY ARE UNCOOL.
Love, Mom.
Who is the next victim? (Who the fark cares?)
Hey AI contestants? LEAVE YOUR FARKIN PARENTS AT HOME. THEY ARE UNCOOL.
Love, Mom.
American Eye-Dolls...3.5 of ?
Rankey?
WTF - OOPSIE - lil glitchie. Brandon?
mmm he's CUTIE PATOOTEY. Sorry, Brent Keith. AWESOME works at teh Home Despot. SEXY AS HELL. Would Hit That.
dayum. He'd better not disappoint. OMG - he's married too. That's delish! You go, good hunny guy. Don't be cheatin' or the Ovarian Nation will STABBY on you.
WTF is he singing. Jesus H. Christ on a Cracker. Country? Mmmmkay, I think the pond just dried up, home slice.
Hot guy, ADORABLY mentions his wife and living paycheck to paycheck (like SOME of us do, Mr. Hastoomuchy, yeah, it's a reality, biatchy). But JHFC - the 'billy muzak? I like the musak as much as the next person. but SRLSY. (word to my FARK homeys).
The judges are TEH SUXXXXXXOR tonight. I hate this part of the "competition". They just lick everyone's biscuits, and no one sucks. Even if they suck. BLEH.
WTF - OOPSIE - lil glitchie. Brandon?
mmm he's CUTIE PATOOTEY. Sorry, Brent Keith. AWESOME works at teh Home Despot. SEXY AS HELL. Would Hit That.
dayum. He'd better not disappoint. OMG - he's married too. That's delish! You go, good hunny guy. Don't be cheatin' or the Ovarian Nation will STABBY on you.
WTF is he singing. Jesus H. Christ on a Cracker. Country? Mmmmkay, I think the pond just dried up, home slice.
Hot guy, ADORABLY mentions his wife and living paycheck to paycheck (like SOME of us do, Mr. Hastoomuchy, yeah, it's a reality, biatchy). But JHFC - the 'billy muzak? I like the musak as much as the next person. but SRLSY. (word to my FARK homeys).
The judges are TEH SUXXXXXXOR tonight. I hate this part of the "competition". They just lick everyone's biscuits, and no one sucks. Even if they suck. BLEH.
American Eye-Dolls...2 of whatevs....
Grace whatsherface: Aretha?!?!!?
Oh jesus, you suck already. That lipstick color is HORRIDIBLE. Oh white girl, you are NO ARETHA. Ungh. Wow, if you took Aretha and dunked her in a vat of Clorox, this might be what you ended up with.
Zzzzzz - BORRRRR INNNNNGGGGGGG. Bleh. Quick, someone fetch me some toast, soaked in milk. God. For reals?
Terrible. "omg, you like, sing SOOOOOOOO good!!! OMG OMG OMG!!". Whatever, white chick trying too hard / not hard enough....bleh. So fuckin' bland it's riduculous. And Randy - are you for real, bro? ORLY!?>!?!?!?
GROSS - these judges are fellating some serious teenage ARSE tonight. ADMIT IT. All these people have BLOWNETH thusfar. Bleh. Oh, "young tender age of 21". Are you farkin KIDDING ME?!?!?!??!
I need a Xanax at this point and Paula needs to come out and admit that she's a lesbian already, because really, hiding that shit, in this day and age, is FRAUDULENT.
OH jesus tapdancing christ, even Simon "likes" her. OMG they invoked Teh Kelley Clarkzson".
Ted Geezer danson!?!?!?!?!!?
more, after the jump.
Oh jesus, you suck already. That lipstick color is HORRIDIBLE. Oh white girl, you are NO ARETHA. Ungh. Wow, if you took Aretha and dunked her in a vat of Clorox, this might be what you ended up with.
Zzzzzz - BORRRRR INNNNNGGGGGGG. Bleh. Quick, someone fetch me some toast, soaked in milk. God. For reals?
Terrible. "omg, you like, sing SOOOOOOOO good!!! OMG OMG OMG!!". Whatever, white chick trying too hard / not hard enough....bleh. So fuckin' bland it's riduculous. And Randy - are you for real, bro? ORLY!?>!?!?!?
GROSS - these judges are fellating some serious teenage ARSE tonight. ADMIT IT. All these people have BLOWNETH thusfar. Bleh. Oh, "young tender age of 21". Are you farkin KIDDING ME?!?!?!??!
I need a Xanax at this point and Paula needs to come out and admit that she's a lesbian already, because really, hiding that shit, in this day and age, is FRAUDULENT.
OH jesus tapdancing christ, even Simon "likes" her. OMG they invoked Teh Kelley Clarkzson".
Ted Geezer danson!?!?!?!?!!?
more, after the jump.
American Eye-Dolls...1 of ?
So, Jackie Tohn - Idol-01: if you went to www.this-sucks.com, that's what you'd see. WTF with the pants? God, Grease called and Olivia Newton John is PIST that you stole her gig. Thank god for Simon - callin' em like he sees 'em. That girl BLEWWWWWWETH. Bleh. yucky. NICE! Simon din't like the "trousers" either. Shweet.
Yeah, couldn't be prouder. Not "more proud", but "prouder". God help us all. You know what, Mom? Be realistic. I have kids, I know. I want them to rawk the hizzle too...."bangin'????" Are you f*ckin KIDDING ME? Girl you are NOOOOOOO Jennifer Hudson. ughhhhhhh....
Next up? OH BOY RICKY! (you know if his name is "ricky", he's going to BA-LOWWWWWWW....)
more, after the jump.
O--M-F-GGGGG. Are you FARKING KIDDING ME WITH THIS SHIAT?!?!?!? Jesus Tapdancing Christ, this guy is doing my FAVORITE fucking song in the UNIVERSE. Donny Hathaway, "A Song for You". I hate this guy already. This "Idol-02" guy. He's ass raping this song and I'm SOOOOOOO F*CKING VERY VERY VERY unhappy about this. Please, folks, do yourself a HYUGE favor and listen to the Donny Hathaway version BEFORE you listen to this complete TARD absolutely MASSACRE the song. God, I kinda wanna stab myself in the head with an ice-pick. OH F*CKIN RLY RANDY!?!?!?!? Dude - that was NOTTTTT a jump off, it was NOT "unbelievable", and he did NOT "kill that". God, these judges make me want to douse myself in gasoline and flick the lighter. Please, Simon - don't disappoint here - please call this tewl bag OUT...
"I'm not jumping out my chair as you three are...". Sweet. No star quality. I dunno about the great voice. UNGHHHHH. That song was SHIAT. UGH. Gross. If you've EVER heard Donny H. do that song, and then you hear this guy, you CAN'T be FARKIN' KIDDING ME with this. I must go vomit now...
Farkin' Seacrabs - "it is a complicated song". Yes. It is. If you haven't had the shit kicked out of you by life - I would imagine that at that juncture you would have little, if any ability to properly personify the pain (and alliteration! wheee) of that song.
GOD I HATE CHILDREN ACKIN' ALL 'SPERIENCED N SHIAT.
Ahhh...christ. Alexis Grace. What you got, beeeeyatch?
Yeah, couldn't be prouder. Not "more proud", but "prouder". God help us all. You know what, Mom? Be realistic. I have kids, I know. I want them to rawk the hizzle too...."bangin'????" Are you f*ckin KIDDING ME? Girl you are NOOOOOOO Jennifer Hudson. ughhhhhhh....
Next up? OH BOY RICKY! (you know if his name is "ricky", he's going to BA-LOWWWWWWW....)
more, after the jump.
O--M-F-GGGGG. Are you FARKING KIDDING ME WITH THIS SHIAT?!?!?!? Jesus Tapdancing Christ, this guy is doing my FAVORITE fucking song in the UNIVERSE. Donny Hathaway, "A Song for You". I hate this guy already. This "Idol-02" guy. He's ass raping this song and I'm SOOOOOOO F*CKING VERY VERY VERY unhappy about this. Please, folks, do yourself a HYUGE favor and listen to the Donny Hathaway version BEFORE you listen to this complete TARD absolutely MASSACRE the song. God, I kinda wanna stab myself in the head with an ice-pick. OH F*CKIN RLY RANDY!?!?!?!? Dude - that was NOTTTTT a jump off, it was NOT "unbelievable", and he did NOT "kill that". God, these judges make me want to douse myself in gasoline and flick the lighter. Please, Simon - don't disappoint here - please call this tewl bag OUT...
"I'm not jumping out my chair as you three are...". Sweet. No star quality. I dunno about the great voice. UNGHHHHH. That song was SHIAT. UGH. Gross. If you've EVER heard Donny H. do that song, and then you hear this guy, you CAN'T be FARKIN' KIDDING ME with this. I must go vomit now...
Farkin' Seacrabs - "it is a complicated song". Yes. It is. If you haven't had the shit kicked out of you by life - I would imagine that at that juncture you would have little, if any ability to properly personify the pain (and alliteration! wheee) of that song.
GOD I HATE CHILDREN ACKIN' ALL 'SPERIENCED N SHIAT.
Ahhh...christ. Alexis Grace. What you got, beeeeyatch?
Sunday, February 15, 2009
"Why, what are you planning to do - photosynthesize?"
just funny as SHIAT. If by some bizarre chance you're one of the 5 Americans who remember / loved this show when it was on, holla. We could form a gang of some sort. You know, the kind of gang that stays home and chats online about our collective of [insert obscure, random show here] bootlegs, quotes and such.
"My barely adequate psychic defences are crumbling !"
Today, I saw a dog,
Yes, a dog.
Talking to a pig,
Yes, a pig.
They were on the pavement,
Discussing Trotsky.
Not brotsky or crotsky or drotsky or frotsky.
But Trotsky.
"My barely adequate psychic defences are crumbling !"
Today, I saw a dog,
Yes, a dog.
Talking to a pig,
Yes, a pig.
They were on the pavement,
Discussing Trotsky.
Not brotsky or crotsky or drotsky or frotsky.
But Trotsky.
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