A quick note on older posts

As I read through my older posts, particularly the political ones, I am amazed at my narrative "voice" back then (some 7 years ago).  I hope that my readers will agree that if a person does not seek (or simply refuses) to evolve and grow over the course of a decade, they're not just doing it wrong, they're missing out on life (and they're stagnant, and that's just fucking boring).  That being said, while I'm not apologizing, per se, I am certainly going to ask that, should you choose to delve into my ancient scribblings, you do so with the understanding that there are many things I said and felt then that I either have changed my stance on or at very least, have taken a more moderate stance on over time.  What's most important for me to convey is that, yes, you will probably come across some things that you are super offended by.  Please don't take it personally.  Personal attacks are straight up not in my repertoire.

Nothing is ever black and white, and my earlier writings, to me, are definitely more raw, sharp-tongued and reflective of virtually unfiltered passion.  I wrote exactly what I felt, when I felt it, and didn't spend a whole lot of time contemplating anything outside of whatever things I was all hopped up over at that moment in time.  While I still absolutely love and employ the tool that hyperbole represents (it's the fucking soul of comedy, in my opinion), something that has really become quite important to me is speaking and writing with the incorporation of some level of respect for my audience.  I don't even really have an audience at this point, but hey - maybe one of you will be stuck on a train or a plane or whatever with only my shit to read.  You don't know, it could happen.

If you know me at all, I understand how utterly ridiculous and out-of-character this "kinder, gentler me" voice sounds.  I've never been one to censor myself, and I will never write in a voice that panders to anyone's feelings or opinions, but I also don't want to be just another myopic, limited-world-view, narrow-minded keyboard warrior with a blog spewing incompletely-informed, super-slanted, biased crap. (Whew! That was like a hyphen fiesta!!!) 

We are all entitled to our own beliefs and opinions, all of which are shaped by our individual and common experiences.  Ultimately though, I firmly believe that we, collectively, share at least a handful of general values and morals that serve as a strong and uniting foundation upon which we can build a straight up better damned world.  Pretty sure there are some fundamental things that just about everyone can agree on; no need for me to try to enumerate them here.

I have a number of friends both in meat-space and on social media who hold vastly different political and social opinions than I do.  Some of these people I have known literally my entire life, others for a few years, a few decades, but none of them do I want to cut out of my life simply because we see things differently.  One person in particular, who I know only through social media, holds many views completely opposite of my own.  It would have been easy to ditch that person simply because we don't see eye to eye on absolutely everything, but you know what?  I respect that fucker, a lot, and there are some really fundamental things that we are in total agreement about.  He's a salty, feisty bastard and he doesn't sugar coat a damned thing, but he is a solid dude - the kind who, like me, can be really fucking hot-headed and super passionate about the things he cares about, but the kind of guy who, when the shit hits the fan, he's the first dude you want on your front lines.  He's what we call "good people" - one of my kind.

At my age, I'm too old and honestly just all set with all this hating and shit-flinging bullshit. There are family members and friends for whom my feelings of affection and care trump the philosophical differences that exist between us.  People who have been there, who have risen to the occasion, people who I respect and admire.  And then there are those who are incapable of participating in heated political debate without turning into condescending, petulant, raging assholes, whose default "debate" style is comprised solely of ad hominem attacks, who don't have a place in my life. Those are the people I have no problem jettisoning.  It is one thing to be passionate in your beliefs, steadfast in your convictions and even to express those things in less than "sensitive" terms.  It is a completely different thing to be a straight up insulting asshole, so I'm going to keep hammering away at the necessity of civility and respect for and from those I engage in discourse with.  I hope you get what I'm saying and more than that, I really hope you'll join me.

Love and props, bitches!

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, Over....

ok, so I'm on a train, in the bar car. A dude came in here and sat down at the beginning of the trip and IMMEDIATELY tripped my WTF / Crazy meter and I've been uncomfortable ever since. He's been sniffling like a cokehead the ENTIRE fucking trip (of which it's now been an hour), has intermittently been taking calls on his mobile phone (yammering LOUDLY in something like arabic or turkish or egyptian - what the fuck do *I* know?) and fidgeting, tapping, and generally being a fucking nuisance. I'm wicked fucking uncomfortable and (yeah, you're going to be like "oh you're so racist / you suck / hillbilly, etc." but you're not fucking here and it's NOT the arabic that is tripping me out - it's the feeling of fucking wierdness and slight panic I've had for a few DAYS now, together with the fact that this mofo is DEFINITELY strung out on coke and THOSE are the things that are totally freaking me the fuck out. I can't wait to get the fuck off this train - and I'm not the only one. Sorry folks, in a "post-911" world (pardon me while I throw up in my mouth a little bit), I pretty much think EVERYONE who is aberrant to this degree is a fucking FREAKAZOID who is going to blow my shit up or otherwise fuck with things. Factor in the market being down like 3000 points in the last 6 months (look it up), the bizarro-world of the current election cycle and there you have it. I feel like I'm on acid.

Stop the ride, I want to get off!!!!!

When Tards Rule the World.

I'm afraid. Very afraid. And so, so, sooooo sorry for a certain cross-section of this country.

I (unfortunately) made the tragic error of clicking on a link to a fauxnewz (TM) site, to find these comments about Frau Failin: (Warning: DO NOT CONTINUE IF YOU'VE JUST EATEN)

"I am a registered Democrat however, my vote will be for McCain this time. Gov. Palin is amazing to say the least, I can hardly wait to see her debate Biden. It will end up Biden who?"

AYFKM?!?! Seriously?!?!?!?

"Sarah Palin showed her stuff tonight, She herself is more than a match for Obama, much less Biden."

THe TARD in that is so utterly pervasive it literally made me feel like perhaps I had stroked out and frankly, rendered me utterly speechless for about 35 seconds.....I think my eyes rolled back in my head.

An Open Letter to America

Dear Murica:

I spend a lot of time reading the sentiments y'all post on various social media, and often find myself stepping into the cesspool that most (if not all) political discussion forums devolve into.  I am absolutely gobsmacked by the level of abject hatred I come across.  

Posters of comments, people with strong opinions, people trying to be oh-so-edgy and saying absolutely horrible things to those whose opinions differ from yours, do you really have to spew that kind of vitriol?  Even when a question, one devoid of incivility of any sort, is asked, shit always seem to go nuclear instantly.  

If I had a dollar for every instance of vile, unconscionably hateful and often personally attacking sentiments espoused by the most extreme members of either side of the (R) and (D) continuum, I'd be one rich motherfucker. What kind of a weapons-grade asshole tells anyone on the internet to "kill themselves", particularly over differences of philosophical or political ideologies?? To be frank, and I am directing this at every single one of you who fit the foregoing description of today's typical denizen of most political discussion forums, if (D)s are all pieces of shit (fuckin' Libbbrulllls!!), then so are Republicans (racist, mysogynist war-mongers!!), and vice versa.  If it's acceptable for your side to vilify and marginalize the entirety of the other side, then you'd better not get your panties in a bunch when they respond similarly.

That sounds pretty fucking stupid doesn't it? All that hate, all that anger? The REALITY is that there exist, on BOTH SIDES OF THE POLITICAL SPECTRUM, those who are pieces of shit AND those who are regular, decent folks - good people come from both sides and everywhere in between. My personal belief is that the absolute best people come from somewhere in the middle - let's go with like, the middle 60%.  The 20% on either end are straight up nutbags and I would hope that's at least one thing we can ALL agree on.

The polarizing rhetoric we are inundated with 24/7 by the politicians themselves and by the extreme media pundits at either end of the R-L continuum is, without a doubt, the single greatest threat to our nation and our society. It is a cancer that is destroying us from within, and people are so busy hating - literally HATING the "other side" that nothing gets done and what does get done ends up screwing us ALL in the long run. Goddamn I wish we could put the UNITED back in United States, but too many people make WAY too much money from dividing the shit out of this country.  Hooray for the Two-Party System: Forcefully, perpetually and purposefully reinforcing - ne, demanding - the "Divide" in "Divide and Conquer", like a BOSS.

 I imagine that most people who fly off the handle and rant hate and loathing for the "other" guys or "those people" on social media a) wouldn't say a fraction of the things they do and certainly not in the way they say them to the face of said "others" and b) would actually benefit a GREAT deal from being civil with and at very least gaining an understanding of what said other(s) believe and value and stand for. There is no fucking way that the entirety of any particular group of like-minded individuals are terrible, horrible pieces of crap. We need to do the polar opposite of what we've seen Congress and the opportunistic, bloviating talking heads do for FAR TOO LONG and sit the fuck down with someone whose opinions and convictions are completely opposite of our own, a 6-pack of beer and talk - TALK to one another, versus what usually happens - shouting each other down in a battle royale for the pyrrhic victory of who is "right" and who is "wrong".  What if I told you that, with the exception of straight up math and numbers, there is virtually NOTHING that is black and white.  We're dealing with humans here, humans who are incapable of being concrete, fixed, immovable things.  Where the human being is concerned, there cannot and does not exist Absolute Truth.  Fiddling with numbers?  Two plus two is always, always 4.  There is absolutely no gray area, there is absolutely no room for discussion of whether this is true or not.  It's straight up true.  In contrast, in absolutely every single human interaction or situation from the beginning of time til the end of time, we are fallible creatures whose observations and experiences are absolutely limited by our very nature. We can get very, very close to Absolute Truth sometimes; we can be completely, totally, super-duper convinced that we're right, but the reality is that we are thinking, feeling meat puppets who are capable only of observing, understanding and interpreting the world around us SOLELY through the filters of what we think and feel.  Thinking and feeling are wholly subjective actions;  they are only and absolute best tools we have at our disposal, barring some crazy advances in AI or whatever, where things like politics and Truth vs. truth are concerned.

So, Thanks, I guess, to all of you vitriolic and inflexible denizens of the internet. Your death-grip like insistence on your opinion as fact and the anger and hate you hurl via digital trebuchet on your fellow man has provided the impetus for me to gather my thoughts on this matter, and to elucidate them here.  

What a strange and disturbing thing it is to watch the extremists from either end of the political spectrum inherent in this our modern American election "dog and pony rodeo" attempt to malign, marginalize and discredit those on the opposing end of the spectrum.  Go, go go, you Keyboard Warriors!  You're making a truly selfless contribution to the process by letting the hate pump through your veins and you're definitely improving things by being wholly and steadfastly unwilling to entertain even one moment's thought that maybe, just maybe, you don't have all of the facts.  If you think any of the usual suspects (Fox, MSNBC, CNN, and on and on and on) are delivering anything even remotely resembling balanced, fair, or hell, even accurate commentary, you are absolutely delusional and I both pity you and fear for us all.  Our media is a conglomerate of corporations and every single one of them from top to bottom have an agenda - one that they are paid VERY handsomely for, and one that does absolutely nothing but foster divisiveness, fear and loathing amongst the citizenry.  Keeping us divided is big bucks, baby!  I digress.

I am no better than anyone else - I too have fallen prey to the intentional and malignant partisan hackery that surrounds us today.  These days, in my older, wiser (ha ha) years, I find myself actively seeking a better understanding of viewpoints that differ greatly from my own. I have come to realize that holding an unyielding and likely uninformed position on anything prohibits me from seeing all sides of an issue. Without the benefit of something akin to a 360 degree view on any given topic, what do I have?  Half a story - or worse, straight up bullshit. None of the aforementioned media are serving the interests of anyone but their corporate overlords and as such, none of us ever get the whole story.  

Being inflexible and unwilling to dig deeper than my own special snowflake feelings prevents me from formulating an opinion rooted in substance,versus the shaky underpinnings that feelings, propaganda, shitty, incomplete or worse, purposefully faulty, information represent.  Feelings, incomplete or false information doth not a solid, substantive foundation make.  

Do your homework.  Step outside the hug-box echo-chamber of our entire modern media and dig!! Dig deeper, harder and wider; derive your information from sources all across the board. Don't stop at the very first thing that matches your preconceived notions. If you do, your information is incomplete, at best; at worst, a steaming pile of bullshit. If you do nothing else, at all, ever, at least be open to the possibilities of other points of view, other opinions.  At least give yourself and all of us that one.  

I'm really, really tired of the knee-jerkery and manipulated hatred so distressingly prevalent  today.  I may loathe someone's ideas, but unless they're Literally Hitler(tm), what kind of an asshole does it make ME if I just blanket-hate everyone who doesn't think like I do? I don't agree with ALL of what EITHER party says; I DO agree with SOME of the things each have to say. That puts me in a far more difficult position than someone who simply hops on the (R) or (D), straight-ticket bandwagon and goes along for the ride. 

For those infrequent instances when it seems like we might have heard the "full" story from one side or the other, the other side will STILL insist that they're right and that the sources / citations / evidence relied upon by the other side are bullshit or invalid or otherwise manipulated. Merica, for the love of all that is holy, y'all mofos have GOT to get out from under the lies and deceit we're being spoon-fed BY BOTH SIDES. I have NO idea how we're going to do that, but I think a really good start would be dialing down the blind hate and ratcheting up the common decency and, dare I say, respect for each other. Give people a chance to reveal who and what they are before you decide they are not worthy of at least a modicum of civility. You'll be SHOCKED to discover how much in common we actually have, all of us, no matter what color tie you wear, what religion you do or don't practice, or what gender you prefer. Ya dig?

I want SO MUCH to believe that none of us would display in person the kind of straight up sociopath-level malice so unabashedly directed at others on the internet, social media and across the board in the media. I think we can ALL agree that people do exist who are just straight up assholes, regardless of their political leanings.  I do think that if we sat down face to face with "Those guys across the aisle", maybe over a beer or a nice single-malt Scotch, and approached each other as human beings with differing opinions, instead of as inhuman, ignorant, evil, violent, bigoted stupid-faces deserving only of our absolute worst, the tide might just start to turn and maybe we could actually get some shit done that benefits most if not ALL of us, instead of this stagnating grudge-match cage-fight fuckery we see going on day in, day out.

TBI follies and other drivel

10-3-15 - It always amazes me when people start talking about the actions of people with brain injuries.  Like, they think they can somehow understand the loss of control, the loneliness, the isolation, the anger, the frustration….amazing, really.  

They think they understand the motivations and actions of someone who was one person one day and the next, woke up with a fucked up brain that differed greatly from the one they grew up with.  Literally, you wake up one day and suddenly you process everything differently.  Language, sound, texture, light, noise, speech, thought, color, pattern, function….all of it - ALL of it - is suddenly completely foreign.  And the normies sit there like they have a clue.  Like they have any idea what it's like.  And they judge you.  They think they understand who you ARE, when the reality is, they (and you!) only understand who you WERE, and they use those outmoded constructs to try to interpret who and what you are post-injury. It's unreal.  You wake up in a new body, a new mind and you're expected to continue to follow the plot, stay in the lines. 

No one can fathom that today you woke up and you no longer understand your own neurology.  Your speech, your thoughts, your actions, your emotions are no longer your own - they are new and foreign and that is sad.  The isolation is, at times, so isolating as to feel like being physically locked in a box.  Remember that movie from the 1970s, the one with John Travolta - Bubble Boy?  He was immunodeficient or something (long before anyone knew WTF AIDS was, or was going to become) and had to live in a plastic bubble.  So, boo hoo wah, he couldn't touch anyone, hug anyone, etc.  (Yeah, the "boo hoo wah" shit is just me doing my usual shitty job of deflecting, as the shrinks call it. Shut up, and put your feelings in a box like I have done with mine.  Feelings are icky and gross and bitch, if I let MINE out, you will see some major Pandora's Box shit happen up in here.  And they will attack and you don't want that (cue that song from the late 80s or early 90s "I've got the Power" - I totally forget the title and the artist, but I'm confident that iTunes can hook a lady up with some info.  I'll get back to you on that).

Peace out, home slices.

I'm Back, Bitches!

10-1-2015 - HA HA!!! Today I received my IBM Model M PS/2 keyboard in all its Buckling Spring glory!!!!! OMG, I haven't felt the tactile sense of typing on one of these keyboards for EVERRRRR, but I love every crazy, palpable, loud-assed, 10 lbs. of plastic and joy, second of all this!!!!

Matt Doherty, the paralegal extraordinare* was the guy who MOST DEFINITELY knew how to play the game, do his job and ROCK IT, was mad about these keyboards. I'm pretty sure I have some oddly conglomerative* memory of him pretty much clutching his keyboard and saying something along the lines of, "yeah, you can pry this bitch out of my cold, dead hands, mofo.". I think we were having layoffs or something at one point, at the firm I worked at with Matty, and he had a thing about him along the lines of, "I don't give a shit what happens, this motherfucking keyboard comes with me!!!!!". I never forgot that, which is odd, because I forget everything. Except the brain injury, ha ha ha!!!.

Yeah there pretty much is nothing like the feeling or sound of one of these freaking BEHEMOTH keyboards. They are heavy as shit and the heft is evocative of an era gone by; an era of thick steel tanks, Murica, WWII etc. This plastic will certainly outlive even the cockroaches, which everyone seems so incredibly sure will outlive everything and end up the overlords of some futuristic dystopia.

On the subject of dystopia, which of course we all feel certain we're living in right now, fuck…already forgot. It was something good, I swear. Maybe I'll come back to it. If I'm quiet and stealthy, once in a while I am able to sneak up on my fast-forgotten thoughts like some kind of wacky TBI ninja. Really? Am I supposed to write a fucking book about TBI? For what purpose? The minute you post anything on the internet, a hoard of raging mental patients descends upon you like a stupid, misguided swarm of whatever the fuck "Africanized Beez" ended up being, since, you know, if you mention anything Africa, you're a dirty piece of shit racist. Anyway, back to the measure at hand. I guess TBI is probably the thing I'm most organically familiar with, unless we're talking about neurology / neuroscience, etc.  Becuase I have an extensive background in neurology, DUH!

*Sometimes I create new words that the english language might be missing. Or maybe I spell them however the fcuk I want. You don't know.