RIP, GOP as you have come to be.

So I was reading through the comments on this "Rebuild the Party" website, as I'm genuinely curious and perhaps a bit hopeful that something new, strong and most importantly admirable (by MANY, not just the ReFUNDIEcans....) will rise from the ashes of the last eight years, in terms of a political party that embraced the actual tenets of CONSERVATISM and perhaps throttled down some on the Goddy-God-Jesusifying Light Brigade, Rah, Rah, USA! USA! stuff.

Some of the comments on the site form the evidentiary basis for a stark lesson on how to completely a) lose an election (bigtime) and b) destroy a political party.

1. Keep flinging around "librul!!!!" in a pejorative manner! Insulting a huge cross-section of the population, while also employing #2, is a vortex of suck the size of Greenland. That's a continent for you die-hard "mavericks". Instead, call them "Commies"!

2. Adhere to an unyielding sentiment of anti-intellectualism. Because yessiree, being a TARD is just sooooo awesome! It's a truly bankable plan! I suppose it does have it's merits though, you know, for those times when you just don't feel like explaining anything to the dimwits, but you do totally want to pump them full of catchy, empty, virtually meaningless slogans and tell them they're dirty heathen liberal commies if they don't vote for you. Yay dumb!

3. Completely and totally obfuscate the line between church and state, and remember, if someone doesn't love Your Own Personal Brand of Jesus, they must be satan-worshipping, abortion-mandating, baby-eating demons from the pits of hell, right? You betcha! (This one works best in tandem with #4).

4. Low on toilet-paper? Fear not, the Constitution of the United States is here to save you! That's right, get in there real good with that boring old piece of parchment paper. Those Goddamned Libruls encourage everyone to run around naked, on drugs, having wanton sexual escapades with donkeys and multiple partners, while eating birth control pills that they got for free at the local MSNBMedical Clinic!! Take away as many of these utterly blasphemous rights as you can! People are stupid and shouldn't be allowed to do anything. At all! Ever!!

5. Absolutely NEVER stray from your time-tested methods!! Adhere strictly to the old-line tenets (brought to you by those nice churchy folks who hate you, because Jesus told them to - quite a fan of the hate, that wacky Jesus was! Right?) and just work harder at it!! Just try harder using the old and busted selection of tools and tactics - and just pray really, really, really hard that all those pinko sluts will soon be smote for their wicked ways (and also, too, all the ways they differ from you! And from Jesus!). To recap, brown people, heathens, homos, crackies, muslims, jooz, et al. are to remain ostracized from our cabal by our exclusionary, dogmatic, ignorant platform! Only the holiest, most pious, Jesus Loving!! people should be viewed as actual people. Viewing the aforementioned list of undesirables as people (shudder!) is sick and wrong and makes baby Jesus cry.