This. Is. AmERican. Eyedoll.

Paula: hopped up on goofballs tonight, it seems.

DANNY the music teacher guy:
me: I dunno about doing the MJ.
Simon: liked him, so again, tonight's audio is off. Again.
Randy: gushing (shocker).
Carla: yadda yadda yadda, I'm channelling Paula from like 3 seasons ago. (yawn).

MICHAEL the oil rigger roughneck:
me: (eye roll - jesus, with the "bad dad" card in play). Oh boy, WHAT THE FARK WITH THE MICHAEL JACKSON SHIAT. (is it farkin MJ night?) WOW does this suck. I'm disturbed beyond repair that it seems to be "Pay Homage to Michael Jackson" night. Yeck.
Simon: frenna frenna, you were ambiguous. I would still do you, but you were ambiguous.
Randy: blah blah dawg / R&B / You were one of the best tonight, dude!! [Michael is the second guy to sing tonight, so wow - way to set the bar high]
Carla: blah blah ohhhh you're SOOO good, and you "brought your game" oh that is just SPIFFY!
Paula: gush, gush, useless natter / regular guy / made-up word / fried on pills

(Hmmm, perhaps I've missed 2 contestants tonight - that last guy is blablablah-idols04. Oops, my bad. Zzzzzz.)

JASMINE:
me: ok, I can't really biatch about this chick. Sure, she has some pitch issues, but she's adorable as hell, so I really don't care.
Randy: "check it out baby" (that means, "you sucked") OMFG - he's playing the "Mariahah Carey" card. Yargh. But, he's impressed and it "wasn't that bad". WOW - that's nice to hear.
Carla: blah blah, like, omg! Pitchy, blah blah, you did OK, hunny. (She's like Paula without the drugs).
Paula: yap yappity, mmmm, not so great! constructive criticism! bleh. Neutral, as always.
Simon: you were OK. I'd totally hit that, but eh. Just OK for me. "Robotic". (Now he's just making shiat up).

Coming up: two more kids we know jack schit about, after the break.

Oh boy, CHRIS from Ar-Kansas:
me:sweet jesus I hate this song (and pretty much anything on the newer side of MJ). Ungh. Very cruise ship. Guitar skills not helping. He wasn't horrible.
Carla: omg, gush gush, GUITAR HERO!
Paula: oops, I didn't hear what she said. Whatever, who cares.
Simon: eh, it was just meh. whatevs. (OMG, wife slam??)
Randy: really kewl, "dawg!".

"I'm soooo hispanic!!!"

ALISON, fresh from her stint at La Groceria:
me: I'm not sure I can sit through another Michael Jackson song. WTF song is this? I have no comment, as I tuned out.
Paula: (insert usual, trite "be true to yourself / I love you" garbage here)
Simon: Ummmm, frenna frenna, constructive crit and some love down, whatevah.
Randy: pontificating, "if you got IT, you GOT IT and YOU GOT IT!" (um, yeah)
Carla: Ohhhh RAWKER GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRL! you SO RAWK RAWKER GRL!

OMG I SOOO HEART THE ANOOP!!!!! more Anoopy Goodness, after the jump!


(OK, so, nothing after any jump, as this post is too long and this season sucks the arse. Sowwy)