So, it's Friday night and in like the span of 1 hour, I've now seen TWO "Breaking News" alerts - the first that McCain actually defended Obama's character today, when faced with yet more of his DEWSHY, ASSHAT, IGNORANT TARD-TACULAR supporters -- you notice I don't use hillbilly, because hillbillies rawk (well, some do....) and that just wouldn't be right -- spewing their hate-filled, utterly incomprehensible fucking BILE, along the lines of "terrorist!" and "kill him". Those pieces of shit should DIAF and burn in the hell that must certainly be their miserable lives. EABOD, you fucking losers.
Ok, so, I guess I should throttle down on the rant. My back hurts and I'm exhausted. So I'm crabby. But it doesn't excuse you miserable shitty douche-licking whore bags. And that's putting it mildly. F*CK YOU for your racist, ignorant, "book learnin' hatin'" GARBAGE that is the etiology of the cancer that is destroying this country. I can't WAIT until you have to sit and eat shiat EVERY SINGLE DAY as you are faced with the reality of a OHHHH SCARY BROWN PRESIDENT!
I will laugh. I will laugh HARD. And I will LAUGH AT YOU for sucking so badly at life. You are the epitomy of FAIL, cawk-punches. Yeah, you - the ones with the secret belief that Obama has ANYTHING to do with the TURRISTS. You are repugnant motherf*ckers. And you deserve the hell that is your life.
Second "news flash" of the night, as it turns out, OMG Palin is a lying sack of shiat, obsessed with power, (cough-VIOLATED STATE LAW-cough) and a total harpie!!!! OMG!!!11!11!Elenventy!
in case you missed it: VIOLATED STATE LAW
OMG I can't wait til November 4th so I can vote in another dirty, lying, miserable, fallacious, underhanded, devoid of scruples / conscience / a SOUL group of C-BAGGERS. YAYYY!!! I, for one, welcome our fascist, inherently EVIL pieces of crap Overlords!! VOTE KANGA! (Abortions for some, Small American Flags for others!)
DERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR ya F*CKIN TARDS!?!??!??!?! What the f*ck have we been TELLING YOU since, like, 3 seconds after it was announced that she was the pick for VP.
I am telling you this now, if McSame somehow manages to STEAL this election (too) I will lose my shit. I will definitely stroke out, or at very least have a F*CKING ANNEURISM.
If those of you that are f*cking clinically RETARDED manage to vote in another set of fucking LOSERS of the ilk we've just had to spend EIGHT F*CKING YEARS suffering under - OMG, you seriously deserve the f*cking HERPES OF THE EYE and perhaps even the itching, burning, fissured ANUS. Because you're hateful, miserable, rotten, MISGUIDED troll-tards and you should have your voting privvies REVOKED!
Stay tuned - seems like all the good shit comes out on (you guessed it!) Friday night.
/I think it's muscle relaxer time. I'm somewhat peeved.
Friday, October 10, 2008
She's not dumb, she's just drawn that way....
Awesome. Read it.
"I don't think Palin is dumb; she is just proudly ignorant, a cynical opportunist and a pathological liar. " -Andrew Sullivan, The Atlantic Monthly
"I don't think Palin is dumb; she is just proudly ignorant, a cynical opportunist and a pathological liar. " -Andrew Sullivan, The Atlantic Monthly
So? What do you think? Dow @ 8,200 today?
The Asian markets took a beating over night (sucks when you invest in a country run by total douchenozzles, right "my friends" in the pacific rim?)
Don't worry Asia, we'll uh, totally pay you back...someday....or not.
/disclaimer: a SIGNIFICANT portion of this country *didn't* vote these tards in - EITHER time. Of course, there's a decent amount of doubt that we ever voted them in in the first place. Thanks Diebold!!
Dear god I pray / hope / URGE this shiat to change and to change NOW. People of Earf, do NOT become complacent in the face of rising poll numbers. On November 4th YOU MUST GO VOTE!!!!!! Do NOT sit home on your broke asses, tokin' on the bong and eatin' the cheetos and think "eh, Obama's totally got this one in the bag, I can chill here with my homeys and my "Ow My Balls", because if you do? You'll end up reaping what you sowed. And that will SUUUUCK!
This country pulled it's shit together during the great depression and I have to believe that, with an educated, eloquent, **respectable** and admirable leader at the helm, we can do it again. Anyone else just holding their breath until Nov. 5th, until the nightmare is over? I am. If I NEVER have to feel disgust, anger, resentment and loathing for the holder of the office of the President of the United States, it will be too damn soon. If I never have to watch a clown-car-load of total ASSHATS steer this ship into a fucking maelstrom of FAIL, it will be TOO SOON!
Don't worry Asia, we'll uh, totally pay you back...someday....or not.
/disclaimer: a SIGNIFICANT portion of this country *didn't* vote these tards in - EITHER time. Of course, there's a decent amount of doubt that we ever voted them in in the first place. Thanks Diebold!!
Dear god I pray / hope / URGE this shiat to change and to change NOW. People of Earf, do NOT become complacent in the face of rising poll numbers. On November 4th YOU MUST GO VOTE!!!!!! Do NOT sit home on your broke asses, tokin' on the bong and eatin' the cheetos and think "eh, Obama's totally got this one in the bag, I can chill here with my homeys and my "Ow My Balls", because if you do? You'll end up reaping what you sowed. And that will SUUUUCK!
This country pulled it's shit together during the great depression and I have to believe that, with an educated, eloquent, **respectable** and admirable leader at the helm, we can do it again. Anyone else just holding their breath until Nov. 5th, until the nightmare is over? I am. If I NEVER have to feel disgust, anger, resentment and loathing for the holder of the office of the President of the United States, it will be too damn soon. If I never have to watch a clown-car-load of total ASSHATS steer this ship into a fucking maelstrom of FAIL, it will be TOO SOON!
GET OUT AND VOTE ON NOVEMBER 4th.
It's our ONLY hope.
It's our ONLY hope.
p.s. welp, it's 11:15am and we're already at 8,200.....if a DOLT like me can take a guess and be right on this shiat, WHY CAN'T THE PEOPLE RUNNING IT STOP SUCKING AT IT?!!?!?!?
Thursday, October 9, 2008
For this, I'll vote for Palin! You Betcha!!
PUSSYCAT DOLL NICOLE SCHERZINGER has invited U.S. vice presidential candidate SARAH PALIN to join the sexy girl group, if her election campaign fails next month (Nov08).The singer is convinced former beauty queen Palin has got what it takes to join the all-singing all-dancing five-piece.The Buttons hitmaker says, "She seems like a headstrong woman, a tough chick. And she's hot."It's not the only offer on the table for the 44-year-old Republican governor of Alaska - Playboy boss Hugh Hefner has already asked her to strip naked in the famous men's magazine.
Now THAT is some change I can believe in!!
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Prezzie'Bate II: Electric Boogaloo
ACT II – The Second Presidential Debate: (10.7.08)
AWESOME!!! Countdown to the debate. Have to go cut my nails so I can type WICKED fast. (Massholes in the HIYOUSE!)
(cue video of McFail and Mrs. McMoneybags debarking from the McFail express jet. McFail plane – tail tags – instead of N6794Q, MCFAIL! Air traffic control, come again?)
OK, I’ve cut off my fingernails and even buffed them down just a little so I can type way wicked faster, and it’s now 6 minutes (6 minutes dougie fresh you’re on, uh uh on!) until the debate. I’m free …balling!....er, falling….she loves jesus and horses too – sorry Failin moment…..
6 minutes til the debate. SO TOTALLY READY. All of the indicator lights are looking pretty damn green – McFail is UNSTOPPABLE as a total and complete Fail Machine!!! OMG – how can you not LOVE this guy for the abject FAIL his campaign has embodied throughout this election season??? What really scares me thought is that I kind of feel like it’s possible that this is yet another freaky Rovian plot, whereby they (the neocons) know there is something SO horrible and SOOOO ugly coming down the pike (they think), that they were like “Bro – seriously, you need to throw this election – FOR REALS” to McCain. Why the fark not? Let the dems take the fall for the last 8 years – please keep in mind the attention span of the average American – OMG look at that pretty bird! Ohh, the colors.
See what I mean? Yeah – sad, but true.
“Ginned up” said by Chris Matthews? Really? What does that even mean?
OH JESUS farkin’ Chris Matthews just invoked JFK – really bro?!?! WTF????? I’m telling you RIGHT NOW – if something happens to Senator Obama in the weeks, months or years from now, we need to SERIOUSLY rise up and have a good old fashioned REVOLUTION or anarchy or SOMETHING, because that will be some SERIOUSLY farked up shit, and I think, were it to come to pass, that I would unequivocally have a goddamned nervous breakdown at that point.
I’d move to the middle of farkin’ nowhere, Canada (or Mexico – not so much with the cold, ya feel me?), live completely and totally off the grid and prolly be that farken weird grandma all obsessed with her guns, apron, pies, corn crop and mayhem. You know the kind – maybe that’s your Nana too? Kay, not really my nana – they’re both in the afterlife now. They were pretty special though – Nana Green , fresh off the boat from Germany (Hausach!) and Nana Fern, right from the hizzie in Napoli, bitaches!
AW YEAH LET’S GET IT ON! (9:01pm, live from Tennessee it’s (um….) PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE LIVE!~
Slight eye-roll at Tom Brokaw, but I’m not sure why. I kinda think it might be because he’s been satirized so many times – mocked up, if you will. Yeah, the audience is totally going to be quiet. The fark with THAT shit.
And in this corner, BARAAAAAAAKKKK OHHHH BAAAH MAAHHHHHH!!!!
What a contrast – short / tall, black / white, gimpy / awesome…..curmudgeonly and carbuncular vs. smooth and elegant.
Oh boy – Section A question– Alan Schaeffer.
With the economy on the shitter and us old people being like WTF – what are you gonna do for me, bitch?
O: Thanks peeps – we are in the shitter – seriously, it SUCKS! I’d be scared too if I were a broke-assed mofo like you….but honestly, Bush III again? You’d even consider voting for that asshole? You can’t be serious. Now I’m gonna give you a shitload of facts so you know that my name is the LORD! (Heh heh. Samuel L. Jackson).
Bama, if you can make sure these goddamned piece of SHIT CEOs don’t get their golden showers, er, parachutes from this shit – if that’s the ONE thing you do in 4 years of being president, you will STILL be a farking HERO in my book. ASSHOLES!
I love this farkin’ guy – truly. As the magical SP says, “you betcha”
McFail: quack quack quck quck, cock-a-doodle-doo! Amurrickens are pist – I have a plan. MMMM, energy
ARE YOU FARKING KIDDING ME WITH THIS SHIT?!!??!?!?! DUDE YOU VOTED FOR US TO DUMP OUR FARKING BRAZILLIAN DOLLARS INTO IRAQ / IRAN / OTHER, and now you’re being all “oh, we shouldn’t dump all our money into countries that don’t like us, e.g. countries full of BROWNNNNNNNN PEEEEEOPLLLLLE! Brown people are scary, My Friends™ - REMEMBER THAT! /vote mcFail).
Oh I SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO dislike this bologna-hole – I just can’t even farking listen to him.
I am so disgusted with JSM, I actually feel bad for him. Just a little. I feel bad that he had a stroke and farkin’ lost his damn MIND and is now up on the public stage making a MAJOR ASS out of himself. I seriously do feel bad for him, because folks, he’s DONE. Stick. Fork. Him. DING! Timer. DONE.
FARK Hank Paulson. For real.
McFail: ahh funny joke about not having Tom Brokaw run the Treasury! “That’s a hard question – well, uh, we need someone people can trust. Warren Buffett likes Obama, he sounds like a good guy – and hey, Meg Whitman – Ebay Lady! Who doesn’t farkin’ LOVE ebay!?!?! Only tards and commies hate eBay! Anyway, blah blah blah, economy sucks cuz, uh, crony-ism, ooga booga brown people, etc.
Obama: I like warren buffet, but you know, I like other people too. Next Treasury Secretary has to help the PEEPS, man! The middle class –HELLO!!! Annnnd, a roundhouse punch – “fundamentals of the economy are sound” quote. LOLZ!
OHHH FAH! (like anyone cares what heObie says after THAT one – like that kind of miscalculation on McCain’s part, that kind of financial FAIL leaves the door open for anyone to care about ANY of the other crapola. Someone get McFail a calculator! Bitch can’t add!)
Oliver: uh, how you gonna hep me out?
McFail: blah blah people are greedy – Main Street / Wall Street! DRINK!
Additional protections – oversight – yes, oh, the taxpayers will TOTALLY get their money back, WINK WINK! Blah blah Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac - OBAMA caused that with his cronies!!!
YOU DIRTY LYING STINKING PIECE OF FARKING CRAP!!!!!! Are you FARKING KIDDING ME?!?!?!?:!?!!?
Obama wrote a letter to the feds in farking 2007 warning about this shit and YOU STILL VOTED FOR IT. OMG I seriously LOATHE. THIS. DEWSH.
Obama’s on now, but I need a smoke. GOD McFail fills me with the angry.
So now we’re on economy questions – not sure Obama’s knocking this one out of the park, but frankly, if it came down to it, at this point I’d vote for a farking can of CAT FOOD before I’d vote for McFailin. I shit you not.
McFail: yeah, you should feel shitty – it SUCKS to be poor like you.
“reaching across the aisle”!!! DRINK
Lieberman – what a DOUCHE. “bipartisanship” DRINK
Reform – DRINK!!!!!
Citizens Against Gov’t Waste?
“liberal” spending!?>>!>! I hate this guy – I HATE liars.
Obama’s going to put the SMACK DOWN on him for this one – 9:22pm…mark my words. Overhead projector at a Planet-Arium in CHI?!?!?
M cFail: “Look at our records” Yeah, let’s DO THAT – “Native American Basket Weaving Study”, for example, Senator McFail. (opencongress.org)
The FARK you do. You’ve had TWENTY SIX YEARS and what have you done?!?!?!
Sending money overseas?!?!?! (*head asplodes)
TB: What are your priorities?
McFail: What are my choices again? (TB: facepalm) uh, let’s reform all of those – all that shit. Yeah, that’s what we’ll do! Oh uh, by the way, um, old people? You’re farked.
“RONALD REAGAN” DRINK!! “Nuclear power plants / new jobs / alternative fuels…” (that’s why I consistently vote AGAINST them!!! )
“My Friends” DRINK!!
“TERORIST ORGANIZATIONS” (DRINK) [vomit]…(what a dick bag)
TB: OK ‘Bama – can you do “everything” ?
OBama: uh, no – that’d be retarded. Energy needs to cut the shit. Ahhh! Russia, Venezuela – versus “ooga booga middle east”. $15B over ten years – we are free on Middle Eastern oil (and an invocation of JFK – if the Americans wanna do it, it gets done. #2 – healthcare. #3 Education.
Sen. McCain mentioned our records – and mentioned earmarks – I’m gonna go all UP in that shit to make it work! Line by line, biatches! How about our taxes – how we gonna keep up this Bush tax cut shit - $4B?!?!?! WTF? That ain’t right.
TB: What sacrifices will you make?
McFail: Understand you aint getting shit – we’re gonna cut the shit out of everything that doesn’t make “My Friends” and I a profit. “Earmarks” DRINK!~
Asshole, repetitively invoking the overhead projector shit is LAME.
McFail: 9:30pm – Fark Yeah, Ameriiiiikahhh! Git R Done!
OB: (for real, bro!) oh no SHIT he just “nine-eleven’ed”!!!!! WTF?!?!?!? Nice. Gloves, coming off….old man, going down.
Republican ears across the land suddenly at the mere mention of “9-11”…..Like a dog whistle or a siren, when your dog starts howling…”I smell cake!”.
“Oirl”? Hmmm not sure what he means, but I think he knows that at this moment this shit is going in the can TOTALLY for him – how do you fail against MCFAIL? God, Obama would have to be captured on film drinking fetus blood, rollin’ in his ’64, drinking his Gin ‘n Juice (laiiiid back!) smoking a bong and fisting a nun to blow this one, baby. At least, it would take that kind of farked up shit to overshadow the MAJOR PHAIL in the Bush Regime. God almighty – it’s like the biggest Walk of Shame™ EVER. Like, that time you got so drunk, you banged the guy with the farking glass eye, small shween and strange body odor – not to mention the malformed, “my mom was exposed to environmental toxins while pregnant” gymper leg. Shit.
What the fark was I talking about?
Yeah, sorry about the no-no words, but bitch, I have CHILDREN and I work in an OFFICE – these are TWO places I’m not allowed to sputter off the “FARKKKKKKK”s at will, so pretty much you’re all I have. You farkin’ nutty, random, ‘tarded band of chimps like me. I love you guys. Srsly. All like, farkin, 4 of you that might haphazardly end up on this BLAWG, through no fault of your own.
JESUS H CHRIST with this piece of SHIT “$5K tax credit”. OMG what a FARKING SHAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (he makes me stabby – that McFail – did I mention that? I hope I wasn’t in any way ambiguous on my feelings around McFail. Yeah, around. I said it. I hate it, but I’m filled with piss and not enough farking chemicals at this point. What can I do to remedy?
LOLZ w/ the “straight talk express lost a wheel on that one”. President Obie, I srsly love you SOOOOO MUCH!
95%, mofo! English!! DO YOU SPEAK IT!~ So, tards who make jack shit money like me, and less, OPEN YOUR EARS AND STOP BEING RACIST ASSHOLES.
Sorry – I told you, I’m out of my goddamned mind tonight. Angry, creepy weirdo farkin’ crackie in my general vicinity this evening that has unsettled me quite fiercely.
Basically, unless you’re a totally money-laden, soulless ass-clown, there is NO WAY ON EARF you can look me in the eye and convince me that McFail is a better choice than Obama.
“my friends” DRINK!~!!! 9:41pm.
Guh- more drinky needed. Shut the FUFCK UP about all the dems you’re BFFs with, McFAIL – YOU’RE A HYUUUUUUUUUUUGE FRAUUUUUUUUUUUUD!!!!!!
Oh, and invoking LIEBERMAN over and over? Wow – that’s some brilliant strategy there – that guy doesn’t seem to know his ass from his elbow and comes off like a complete and utter TOOL, FYI.
Let’s just have all the tards and monkeys bang their stubby, simian digits endlessly on 187 IBM Selectric typewriters for about 150 hours and I GA RON TEE you, those hairy bastards will come up with something BETTER than anything McFail / Bush et al. have perpetrated on us over the last eight years.
Jesus H. Softball question, peppered with “green jobs” n shit. Ughhhh…..
McFail, you didn’t disagree with SHIT, so stop lying.
“President Bush says….blah blah…or something like that….” (McFail)
Oh sweet jesus on the cross.
McFail can barely farking get these words out – buh buh buh battery operated…uh…things, and uh, fireplaces! Yeah! Who doesn’t like a nice fireplace! We can burn the timbers from all those empty houses, heh heh!....(Too soon?)
OB: jesus. I can’t believe I have to dumb it down to this degree for these people. Motherfarkers, education just went to the TOP OF the farkin’ list. Jeeeeezus.
YEAHH OBIEEEE with the “26 years in Congress” slam!!! Been waiting for that one. BOOM! Bonus points. I was hoping he was gonna whip that one out, heh heh. Sen. McFail looooves him some drilling, baby. Yeck. Honestly – if we could have drilled our way out of this shit, don’t you think we WOULD HAVE by now??!?!? Shit, I like money!´ Stop being tards, tards.
TB: lights are on, nobody’s home…..Should we go totally off on a new New-kewlar bomb or make a 2nd silicon valley?
McFail: I like boobies. Blah blah blah, make it until it gets profitable, then take it private……WTF? He’s slamming Buch & Cheney? This motherfarker is hell bent on MAJOR fail….ugh. I don’t envy him.
My friends – DRINK! 9:49PM
“Drill baby drill”. Yeah….. that’ll work. Stammer, stammer – look how much Obama sucks! He’s brown? Did I mention that? He’s BROWN!!!!!
Ohh, Lindsay! (wish she could talk – something about healthcare – commodity – wait, what?
OB: bitches, McFail’s plan AIN’T SHIT. Need I say more?
WHAT THE FARK? 10:08pm and AGAIN with the farking’ McFAIL campaign and their “can’t have anudder HOLLAH-COST”!
And that’s where I kind of faded out, edited this piece of crap and decided to eat some Xanax and call it a night.
Nighters’ biatches.
p.s. Bob Schieffer's gawna rock it OLD SCHOOL! Or something. Whatevs.
Better late than never...(notes from the Veep Debate)
I have concentration issues, so sue me.
Musings from the Veep-Bate 10/2/08:
Musings from the Veep-Bate 10/2/08:
THE VEEP DEBATE – LET’S GET IT ON! (
“Kin ah cawl ya JOWE?”
Time of Death?
NEW
She sucks so hard, I fear the emergence of a black hole of SUCK at any moment. Numbers aren’t your friend, McFAILin.
And on we go to the GHEY question!!!!!
Biden: yep, I’m not a total fucking tard. Let the gheys get married.
Failin: Nope, gays are dirty and an abomination!! But I’m totally tolerant of their “choices”….! Ahhhh – she dodged it by milking the religious thing. Yargh.
Biden: we’re not re-defining shit. Just being fair.
What the fuck just happened!?!?!? Palin “whargarbled” and said “next question”. WHAT THE FUCK? “I’m not going to answer your questions the way you want me to, or “whargarblllllll”.
Failin: O’Bama hates the troops! He cut funding for them!!! OMG! We have to win, we can’t pull out!!! (Because pulling out is birth control, and that’s just wrong!)
Biden: shift responsibility to the Iraqis….even THEY want it! The only odd man out is JMcC – he voted the SAME WAY as Obama w/r/t funding the troops b/c there was NO TIMELINE, asshat!!
Nice!
Biden: Make
Failin: um….you’re surrendering! You pussy! Our troops!
The TALIBANI and WORKING WITH US?!?!?!? Jesus H. Christ what the FUCK!? “Talibani”:!:!:!:!: [eleventy]
Failin is CHUM right now. (Jaws theme) Ohhh, Biden’s licking his chops. He’s actually having a hard time not laughing out loud at her!! OMG. Can’t blame him. Not one bit.
Palin is unintelligible. Oh shit. And the TRAIN WRECK?
Biden: (more tangible evidence of McCain’s Colossus of FAIL! And a nice jab about Phailin’ never cracking a book).
(AMERICANS, PLEASE NOTE: Joseph Biden has the ability to properly pronounce “NUCLEAR”. Honestly, isn’t that good enough for us after the last 8 years????? It’s fucking NUCLEAR!!! NOT “NUKEYULUHR”).
(yack yack,
Failin: The war on terror is in
JEEEEEsussssss – again with the “meeting without preconditions”. You’re a fucking TARD – LEARN HOW TO PRONOUNCE NUCULAR.
WHAT THE FUCK?!?!? AN “ally like
I pretty much just see them engaging in some sick, twisted, German prOn, complete with black patent leather and big red gag-ball (please Jesus, if you’re out there, hear my prayer, let Failin be the SUB here. Pretty please? Red ball gag, mmmmmmm!).
Biden: She’s just fuckin’ retarded….NICE – calling them out on the fallacy of Ahmadinajad’s power in
Failin: “whargarrrble, also, too….”
WTF? WHO THE FUCK IS TALKING ABOUT SECOND HOLOCAUST?!?!?! /FACEPALM. That shit is like 9-11 x 10x11th power….(head asplode)
There will be NO McCain Palin administration. Give up the dream, biatch.
The FAIL, it burns.
Biden: [rocks it hardcore with the AWESOME Hamas BURN!!!!! Ohhhh with the Hezbullah!!!!]
Failin: Ham- what-now? Hez-bo-who-there, now?
Delish! “Abject failure”!
Failin: No, and I’m glad we both love
(That’s where hubby fuckin lost it and physically went to the TV and wished he could ninja style kill her with a sharp finger through the television – that’s pretty serious.)
Biden: McFail is just Bush in different shoes. They both suck, suck, suck!!! George Bush! Bush! Bush! Bush! FAILLLLLL!!!!!
(Biden is slow-roasting her…..
Wait, now she said “Nuclear”? Did her earpiece come loose? Kim Jung “Ull”? Oh damn back to Noo-cular. Ohh, let’s talk about
Biden: Facts matter, Gwen. The dude RUNNING the shit in
Fuckin war – the only thing she gets passionate about and sounds half decent on it. Fuckin’ beautiful. GOD I love her so much I wish I could vote for her like twice! (or not)…
Did Biden just falter??? Oops - Nope – she FAILS. “I wiki’d vice president! I know what a VP does!!” [FACE PALM / EYE ROLL]
(annnnnd, SCENE! Cuz I couldn’t friggin bear any more….)
That's. So. Farkin. AWESOME.
It's so beautiful as to potentially cause one to have just a wee tear in one's eye.
Could it be true? Could our long national NIGHTMARE (see: last 8 years) be over???
Bring it home, people. BRING IT HOME!
p.s. you betcha!
Could it be true? Could our long national NIGHTMARE (see: last 8 years) be over???
Bring it home, people. BRING IT HOME!
p.s. you betcha!
Monday, October 6, 2008
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Palin is totally down with the 'Sixpacks' like us, you betcha!
From CBS, so take it's for whatever it is or isn't worth?
"Overall, the 2007 return shows that last year the couple had an adjusted gross income of $166,080 and paid $24,738 in taxes - about a 15 percent rate after deductions. In 2006, the records show, the Palins earned $127,869 as adjusted gross income, with taxes paid listed at $11,944 - less than a 10 percent rate.
On federal financial disclosure forms, also released Friday, Palin and her husband listed assets worth from $960,000 to $2.3 million. Because the values of assets are reported in broad ranges, it's not possible to calculate an exact value for their holdings.
Like many Americans, their most valuable asset is their home. Theirs, in Wasilla, is valued at $500,000 to $1 million*. According to the Matanuska-Susitna Borough, the land and structure are appraised at $552,100.
*that's like 2 to 5 times the value of my house (or the house I'm living in, whatevs)
Their next most valuable asset is a fishing leasehold, worth $100,000 to $250,000*. Todd Palin's fishing business was valued at $50,000 to $100,000, and his snowmobile racing enterprise was put at $15,000 to $50,000.
*WAY more than I make in a year - that I support an entire family on. Middle class MY ASS, Miss Alaska.
Todd Palin also has a retirement account worth $50,000 to $100,000*, and he owns a variety of mutual funds in a 401(k) retirement plan through his employer, the oil company BP. Sara Palin also has retirement accounts from the state of Alaska and the city of Wasilla, where she was once mayor, valued at $115,000 to $250,000.
*Well, gawwww-lee! They sure am be some DOWN HOME HOMEY FOLKS, ah reckon!
The Palins also own shares of two land parcels worth a combined $51,000 to $115,000. "
I pretty much own SHIT. A 10 year old vehicle, a house I can't get the bank to farkin take (or not take, as the case may be), a hundred boxes of absolute JUNK, a set of nearly 10-year old Calphalon cookwear, some Henckels and Wursthoff knives....a bucket of really old shoes and shit that I can't quite bring myself to toss yet. And this BIATCH is trying to shove that whargarbl of BULLSHIT down my throat about how she's "oh golly gosharooney! I'm just super-dooper middle class, ayup!". She and her husband make and have this kind of cash in f*cking ALASKA -- you know what those dollars would tranlsate into in say, Boston or New York or LA? She'd be like any other douchey asshat, yakking incessantly on a cell phone, unable to use a blinker because her other hand is occupado with a 'latte', driving her precious snowflakes to ballet / soccer / karate (that is, if she weren't like, sorry kids, mommy has better things to do, good luck to yas, I reckon!!).
"Overall, the 2007 return shows that last year the couple had an adjusted gross income of $166,080 and paid $24,738 in taxes - about a 15 percent rate after deductions. In 2006, the records show, the Palins earned $127,869 as adjusted gross income, with taxes paid listed at $11,944 - less than a 10 percent rate.
On federal financial disclosure forms, also released Friday, Palin and her husband listed assets worth from $960,000 to $2.3 million. Because the values of assets are reported in broad ranges, it's not possible to calculate an exact value for their holdings.
Like many Americans, their most valuable asset is their home. Theirs, in Wasilla, is valued at $500,000 to $1 million*. According to the Matanuska-Susitna Borough, the land and structure are appraised at $552,100.
*that's like 2 to 5 times the value of my house (or the house I'm living in, whatevs)
Their next most valuable asset is a fishing leasehold, worth $100,000 to $250,000*. Todd Palin's fishing business was valued at $50,000 to $100,000, and his snowmobile racing enterprise was put at $15,000 to $50,000.
*WAY more than I make in a year - that I support an entire family on. Middle class MY ASS, Miss Alaska.
Todd Palin also has a retirement account worth $50,000 to $100,000*, and he owns a variety of mutual funds in a 401(k) retirement plan through his employer, the oil company BP. Sara Palin also has retirement accounts from the state of Alaska and the city of Wasilla, where she was once mayor, valued at $115,000 to $250,000.
*Well, gawwww-lee! They sure am be some DOWN HOME HOMEY FOLKS, ah reckon!
The Palins also own shares of two land parcels worth a combined $51,000 to $115,000. "
I pretty much own SHIT. A 10 year old vehicle, a house I can't get the bank to farkin take (or not take, as the case may be), a hundred boxes of absolute JUNK, a set of nearly 10-year old Calphalon cookwear, some Henckels and Wursthoff knives....a bucket of really old shoes and shit that I can't quite bring myself to toss yet. And this BIATCH is trying to shove that whargarbl of BULLSHIT down my throat about how she's "oh golly gosharooney! I'm just super-dooper middle class, ayup!". She and her husband make and have this kind of cash in f*cking ALASKA -- you know what those dollars would tranlsate into in say, Boston or New York or LA? She'd be like any other douchey asshat, yakking incessantly on a cell phone, unable to use a blinker because her other hand is occupado with a 'latte', driving her precious snowflakes to ballet / soccer / karate (that is, if she weren't like, sorry kids, mommy has better things to do, good luck to yas, I reckon!!).
Saturday, October 4, 2008
My Husband and I, whilst watching "I Am Legend"...
Hubster: "Mmmmm, zombie boobs....they undulate"
Me: "there's something wrong with you..."
Us: giggling our asses off at that whole exchange.
/life is good.
Me: "there's something wrong with you..."
Us: giggling our asses off at that whole exchange.
/life is good.
HOLY SHIT is this funny.
At least I think so, what with my penchant for spending the day target shooting with the air revolver thingy, mowing the lawn with my manual mower, sh0pping at the 'Mart* (cuz I'm broke like dat, and being broke trumps my ability to hack up some social ire, n shiat, sorry - that be the way itIzz), drinking wine, cooking and cleaning, trying to decrease my quotient of Suck where my kids are concerned, etc.,
I'm just gonna say one thing, then I'm posting that funny-assed blog I just read that made me start writing this in the first place: (i fucken forgot what I was gonna say, so here's the blog.....
*bought the sweet night scope with the friggin' infrared button for sweet night vision!! AWESOME! //hillbilly!
I'm just gonna say one thing, then I'm posting that funny-assed blog I just read that made me start writing this in the first place: (i fucken forgot what I was gonna say, so here's the blog.....
*bought the sweet night scope with the friggin' infrared button for sweet night vision!! AWESOME! //hillbilly!
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Well there's a brand new political superstar on the scene and she's tough as nails and the media won't leave her alone and she's a rough-and-tumble Alaskan hockey mom and why are they asking all these questions and she is the pure reincarnation of the invincible Anglo-Saxon frontier earth mother and stop picking on her!
So maybe Sarah Palin doesn't have all that much "experience." Maybe she doesn't pay much attention to your fancy-pants "foreign policy" or "domestic policy" or "policy." Maybe she's "crazy" and "corrupt" and was picked by a "vetting process" that consisted of "tossing darts at a phone book in the middle of an all-night Ambien-and-Ketamine binge." But maybe that's just because Sarah Palin's just too busy being a real American to hang around with your namby-pamby liberal candidates with their arugula lattes and their east coast Ivy League universities and their "qualifications" while they tax the Jesus Fetus to pay for gay Muslim healthcare! Well Sarah Palin understands that being vice-president takes more than just book-smarts or regular-smarts or knowing what a vice president does! It takes gumption and spunk and other made-up words that hearken back to another time - a realer time - a whiter
VALUES.
As a Jesus-fearing moose-hunting hockey-mom mother of five, Sarah Palin understands real American values, because she is a real American just like you, only with much more money and power and a tiny invisible fairy that lives in her brain and tells her to ban books and blow up Muslims. Sarah Palin understands that the key to America's success is personal responsibility, and the key to personal responsibility is getting lots of money from oil companies and the federal government while you enforce other people's personal responsibility! Oh, you wanted state funding to help with your out-of-wedlock Sin Child? Shoulda thoughta that before you decided to not be born to Sarah Palin!
Sarah Palin will also ban abortion, 'cause in the hardscrabble up-by-the-bootstraps wilderness of the Alaskan suburbs, they don't have abortion. They also do not have adequate access to health care, birth control, or equal pay for equal work, as it turns out.
MAVERICKNESS.
As a moose-hunting Jesus-fearing hockey-mom mother of five who hunts moose, Sarah Palin isn't some petty Washington bureaucrat. She's a petty Alaskan bureaucrat, and she's gonna shake things up in Washington! For her first reform she will pose for photographs with a gun and a stuffed moose head! For her second reform she will say something bold and brassy. For her third reform she will give birth at a live press conference to six eagle scouts, three peregrine falcons and an American mastodon, rear them in the Christian faith and release them into the wild before hunting them down, shooting them and mounting their heads in the Roosevelt Room!
Now some of you are saying "oh Giblets these aren't actual reforms" because you are boring and stupid and I hate you. But if you think about it, Sarah Palin would be reforming Washington just by being elected and finally giving a voice to marginalized white Christian evangelicals everywhere. She will also re-ban abortion, in case abortion got away the first time.
ENVIRONMENTALNESS.
As a Jesus-fearing moose-hunting hockey-mom mother of five who hunts moose for Jesus,gunning it down from her airplane. Sarah Palin understands that America is dangerously addicted to oil, and that the only cure is more oil. She also understands that nature is our natural enemy,also knows that we've got to leave this earth behind for our children, at least until we can find a way to drill for oil in our children. Sarah Palin is committed to exploring Baby Trig's vast and abundant petroleum reserves.
Sarah Palin may not know if global warming is man-made. She may not know if global warming is real. She may not know what global warming is. But if global warming is caused by abortions, Sarah Palin will fight it - by banning abortion, just in case the first couple times didn't take.
COMMANDERNESS.
As a hockey-playing moose-hunting Jesus-fearing hockey-mom mother of five who plays hockey, Sarah Palin lives in Alaska, which is just a couple thousand miles away from Russia and the Red Chinese, giving her valuable insight into their inscrutable foreign ways. Every day for forty-four years Sarah Palin has gotten up and thought to herself, "Hmmm, the weather is cold today - and I bet the weather is similarly cold in Russia at this latitude." Isn't it about time we had a vice-president who understands the climatological grievances of our most deadliest frenemies? Think about it! But not for very long!
Alaska is also close to the International Date Line, giving Sarah Palin the power to traverse the distance between Today and Yesterday at will and making her the Wizard of Speed and Time. She's sassy and white and ready to lead, people! And to ban abortion. Just look at that blastocyst! How can you say no! time - back when men were men and women were men and great big hairy-chested frontiersmen of the plains wrestled oxen and caribou and the savage Injun Man in their mighty conquest of the West before succumbing to explosive amoebic dysentery! And with the help of God and millions of dollars in energy industry donations, Sarah Palin will give us that dysentery again! Sarah Palin is kin to the wild outdoors and appreciates its bountiful splendor as she is created by a malevolent Satan to come between us and our God-given oil deposits with its hateful, clean water and its foul, pristine air. But Sarah Palin also
So maybe Sarah Palin doesn't have all that much "experience." Maybe she doesn't pay much attention to your fancy-pants "foreign policy" or "domestic policy" or "policy." Maybe she's "crazy" and "corrupt" and was picked by a "vetting process" that consisted of "tossing darts at a phone book in the middle of an all-night Ambien-and-Ketamine binge." But maybe that's just because Sarah Palin's just too busy being a real American to hang around with your namby-pamby liberal candidates with their arugula lattes and their east coast Ivy League universities and their "qualifications" while they tax the Jesus Fetus to pay for gay Muslim healthcare! Well Sarah Palin understands that being vice-president takes more than just book-smarts or regular-smarts or knowing what a vice president does! It takes gumption and spunk and other made-up words that hearken back to another time - a realer time - a whiter
VALUES.
As a Jesus-fearing moose-hunting hockey-mom mother of five, Sarah Palin understands real American values, because she is a real American just like you, only with much more money and power and a tiny invisible fairy that lives in her brain and tells her to ban books and blow up Muslims. Sarah Palin understands that the key to America's success is personal responsibility, and the key to personal responsibility is getting lots of money from oil companies and the federal government while you enforce other people's personal responsibility! Oh, you wanted state funding to help with your out-of-wedlock Sin Child? Shoulda thoughta that before you decided to not be born to Sarah Palin!
Sarah Palin will also ban abortion, 'cause in the hardscrabble up-by-the-bootstraps wilderness of the Alaskan suburbs, they don't have abortion. They also do not have adequate access to health care, birth control, or equal pay for equal work, as it turns out.
MAVERICKNESS.
As a moose-hunting Jesus-fearing hockey-mom mother of five who hunts moose, Sarah Palin isn't some petty Washington bureaucrat. She's a petty Alaskan bureaucrat, and she's gonna shake things up in Washington! For her first reform she will pose for photographs with a gun and a stuffed moose head! For her second reform she will say something bold and brassy. For her third reform she will give birth at a live press conference to six eagle scouts, three peregrine falcons and an American mastodon, rear them in the Christian faith and release them into the wild before hunting them down, shooting them and mounting their heads in the Roosevelt Room!
Now some of you are saying "oh Giblets these aren't actual reforms" because you are boring and stupid and I hate you. But if you think about it, Sarah Palin would be reforming Washington just by being elected and finally giving a voice to marginalized white Christian evangelicals everywhere. She will also re-ban abortion, in case abortion got away the first time.
ENVIRONMENTALNESS.
As a Jesus-fearing moose-hunting hockey-mom mother of five who hunts moose for Jesus,gunning it down from her airplane. Sarah Palin understands that America is dangerously addicted to oil, and that the only cure is more oil. She also understands that nature is our natural enemy,also knows that we've got to leave this earth behind for our children, at least until we can find a way to drill for oil in our children. Sarah Palin is committed to exploring Baby Trig's vast and abundant petroleum reserves.
Sarah Palin may not know if global warming is man-made. She may not know if global warming is real. She may not know what global warming is. But if global warming is caused by abortions, Sarah Palin will fight it - by banning abortion, just in case the first couple times didn't take.
COMMANDERNESS.
As a hockey-playing moose-hunting Jesus-fearing hockey-mom mother of five who plays hockey, Sarah Palin lives in Alaska, which is just a couple thousand miles away from Russia and the Red Chinese, giving her valuable insight into their inscrutable foreign ways. Every day for forty-four years Sarah Palin has gotten up and thought to herself, "Hmmm, the weather is cold today - and I bet the weather is similarly cold in Russia at this latitude." Isn't it about time we had a vice-president who understands the climatological grievances of our most deadliest frenemies? Think about it! But not for very long!
Alaska is also close to the International Date Line, giving Sarah Palin the power to traverse the distance between Today and Yesterday at will and making her the Wizard of Speed and Time. She's sassy and white and ready to lead, people! And to ban abortion. Just look at that blastocyst! How can you say no! time - back when men were men and women were men and great big hairy-chested frontiersmen of the plains wrestled oxen and caribou and the savage Injun Man in their mighty conquest of the West before succumbing to explosive amoebic dysentery! And with the help of God and millions of dollars in energy industry donations, Sarah Palin will give us that dysentery again! Sarah Palin is kin to the wild outdoors and appreciates its bountiful splendor as she is created by a malevolent Satan to come between us and our God-given oil deposits with its hateful, clean water and its foul, pristine air. But Sarah Palin also
Labels: fuck you '08, real america, the end of the world party
posted by Giblets at 12:59 PM
Thursday, October 2, 2008
A little late for the whole "pulling out" thing, iddnit?
LOLZ!
"John McCain is pulling out of Michigan, according to two Republicans, a stunning move a month away from Election Day that indicates the difficulty Republicans are having in finding blue states to put in play.McCain will go off TV in Michigan, stop dropping mail there and send most of his staff to more competitive states, including Wisconsin, Ohio and Florida. Wisconsin went for Kerry in 2004, Ohio and Florida for Bush.McCain's campaign didn't immediately respond to a request for comment.Republicans had been bullish on Michigan, hopeful that McCain's past success in the state in the 2000 primary combined with voter dissatisfaction with Democratic Gov. Jennifer Granholm and skepticism among blue-collar voters about Barack Obama could make it competitive.McCain and his running mate Sarah Palin spent the night after the GOP convention at a large rally in Macomb County, just outside Detroit. The two returned later last month for another sizable event in Grand Rapids.But recent polls there have shown Obama extending what had been a small lead, with the economic crisis damaging an already sagging GOP brand in a state whose economy is in tatters. A McCain event planned for next week in Plymouth, Michiigan, has been canceled."
Yeah, I know 3rd party source and all that, blah blah. Still made me chuckle though.
"John McCain is pulling out of Michigan, according to two Republicans, a stunning move a month away from Election Day that indicates the difficulty Republicans are having in finding blue states to put in play.McCain will go off TV in Michigan, stop dropping mail there and send most of his staff to more competitive states, including Wisconsin, Ohio and Florida. Wisconsin went for Kerry in 2004, Ohio and Florida for Bush.McCain's campaign didn't immediately respond to a request for comment.Republicans had been bullish on Michigan, hopeful that McCain's past success in the state in the 2000 primary combined with voter dissatisfaction with Democratic Gov. Jennifer Granholm and skepticism among blue-collar voters about Barack Obama could make it competitive.McCain and his running mate Sarah Palin spent the night after the GOP convention at a large rally in Macomb County, just outside Detroit. The two returned later last month for another sizable event in Grand Rapids.But recent polls there have shown Obama extending what had been a small lead, with the economic crisis damaging an already sagging GOP brand in a state whose economy is in tatters. A McCain event planned for next week in Plymouth, Michiigan, has been canceled."
Yeah, I know 3rd party source and all that, blah blah. Still made me chuckle though.
GOBAMA!
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
The Pink Girls ate my brain!!!!
Jesus christ. I've been up since friggin' 3am, gave up on going back to sleep, should have hauled ass out of here like 15 minutes ago, but I came across a ditty on ye olde pinklatex blog that sent me spiralling into an uncontrollable maelstrom of ADD, from which I could not escape until I had properly exorcised, from the dangerous and swamp-like morass of my brain, the hobgoblin unwittingly planted therein by the madcap ladies of Pink. It had started out innocently enough as just a comment. As it grew to Tolstoyesque proportions though, I knew then what I must do. And so, without further ado, here it is in all it's craptacular glory...
Aw yeah, biatches! RACE WALKING!!!! What. The. Fork, with that shizzle?
An Olympic even. Racewalking?!? Seriously, walking? Those cats are just...WALKING. FAST. Sure, really, really fast, but still just walking, nonetheless. Heel / toe / heel / toe / lather / rinse / repeat. That's it - WALKING. Something most folks do, cept those lucky fuckers with scooters, I suppose. In pondering this madness, it occurred to me that, "Shiat, I can haul ass with a big bag full of heavy crap, while smoking a butt and thingking furiously, from North Station to the office in like twelve minutes - and it's like a mile, my friends - if I have to. So EAT ME, "olympians". I dare you to try my kick-assed "racewalking" regimen - see how long your heart can take it before you stroke out, bitches! Any douche can walk reeeeeeally really really fast around a damn TRACK (a bouncy, space-aged polymer-constructed one to boot, versus the bombed-out, pothole-ridden obstacle course Boston's streets are - cobblestones??? Really??). Try that shiat from one end of the financial district to the other in Boston, or any wicked old, rickety urban area, during rush hour - now THAT is some Herculean shit right there.
Here's the master plan, chubbies! Get a pen. I'll wait...
1. Apply footwear (something rubbery; stilettos, not so much for this event, though platforms are a more stylish and reasonably lesser evil).
2. Power-enable muscial playback device with attached audiophonic interface capabilities. This step is optional, and actually, free-balling it and going without tunes adds that extra je ne sais quoi of utter suck inherent in being subjected to the random, idiotic bullshit ramblings of fuckheads on cellphones, mumbly-grumblies talking to their invisible friends, hecklers asking for money, etc. and further challenges you by diminishing your ability to maintain focus on the goal at hand while also simultaneously instilling in you an overwhelming urge to abruptly halt and strangle someone. Anyone.
3. Don't stretch or warm up or any of that phaggy shiat beforehand, by the way. That's just ghey. Jump right in and get your stride (distance between your feet at the longest point in your step or something like that) to it's MAXIMUM length - really feel the burn! - while dodging cars / assholes / tards / street lights / crackies and crazy people.
4. Smoke 'em if you got 'em. Throw the butts in a damn trashcan, though, not on the street. Don't be a lazy, ignorant piece of shiat.
5. It will require great agility, mental acuity and most of all, a strong desire to start consuming alcohol at the earliest possible opportunity. That's the real prize here. Oh, and getting to your train on-time, I guess. Yeah, that too. But mostly the cocktails. Some preemptive triangulation of the timing of Walk / Don't Walk (and the seldom seen "RUN, BITCH!") signs is helpful, as is the ability to process the relentless assault of multiple objects (broads with baby strollers / speeding yellow-light running douches, etc.) traversing your path, the trajectories of which are of such ill-placed randomness, even Stephen Hawking would freak out. It's somewhat Fear Factor, if you think about it. Oh shit! A pile of vomit from one of last night's delightful sports enthusiasts!! Look over there! It's an asshole who can't read the "No Turn on Red" sign, and he's headed right for you! Look out or you may cause him to drop the cell phone that must have somehow spot-welded itself simultaeously to his hand AND head! Oh the poor dear! ["Would you drive better if I shoved that cell phone up your ass?"]. Yes lady, it is always a damn fine idea to emerge from behind a parked car stroller-first in order to gauge the relative safety of crossing a busy city street at this particular moment....against the light. Them's some fine parenting skills there, Lou(ise)...
Arrive alive and you WIN! (wear those ugly assed, spandex Grandma panties and you FAIL, though. Always. At life. No gold medal for you - not yours!).
There's a workout for ya! There's more where that came from - hit me up for more great fitness tips, yo!
Aw yeah, biatches! RACE WALKING!!!! What. The. Fork, with that shizzle?
An Olympic even. Racewalking?!? Seriously, walking? Those cats are just...WALKING. FAST. Sure, really, really fast, but still just walking, nonetheless. Heel / toe / heel / toe / lather / rinse / repeat. That's it - WALKING. Something most folks do, cept those lucky fuckers with scooters, I suppose. In pondering this madness, it occurred to me that, "Shiat, I can haul ass with a big bag full of heavy crap, while smoking a butt and thingking furiously, from North Station to the office in like twelve minutes - and it's like a mile, my friends - if I have to. So EAT ME, "olympians". I dare you to try my kick-assed "racewalking" regimen - see how long your heart can take it before you stroke out, bitches! Any douche can walk reeeeeeally really really fast around a damn TRACK (a bouncy, space-aged polymer-constructed one to boot, versus the bombed-out, pothole-ridden obstacle course Boston's streets are - cobblestones??? Really??). Try that shiat from one end of the financial district to the other in Boston, or any wicked old, rickety urban area, during rush hour - now THAT is some Herculean shit right there.
Here's the master plan, chubbies! Get a pen. I'll wait...
1. Apply footwear (something rubbery; stilettos, not so much for this event, though platforms are a more stylish and reasonably lesser evil).
2. Power-enable muscial playback device with attached audiophonic interface capabilities. This step is optional, and actually, free-balling it and going without tunes adds that extra je ne sais quoi of utter suck inherent in being subjected to the random, idiotic bullshit ramblings of fuckheads on cellphones, mumbly-grumblies talking to their invisible friends, hecklers asking for money, etc. and further challenges you by diminishing your ability to maintain focus on the goal at hand while also simultaneously instilling in you an overwhelming urge to abruptly halt and strangle someone. Anyone.
3. Don't stretch or warm up or any of that phaggy shiat beforehand, by the way. That's just ghey. Jump right in and get your stride (distance between your feet at the longest point in your step or something like that) to it's MAXIMUM length - really feel the burn! - while dodging cars / assholes / tards / street lights / crackies and crazy people.
4. Smoke 'em if you got 'em. Throw the butts in a damn trashcan, though, not on the street. Don't be a lazy, ignorant piece of shiat.
5. It will require great agility, mental acuity and most of all, a strong desire to start consuming alcohol at the earliest possible opportunity. That's the real prize here. Oh, and getting to your train on-time, I guess. Yeah, that too. But mostly the cocktails. Some preemptive triangulation of the timing of Walk / Don't Walk (and the seldom seen "RUN, BITCH!") signs is helpful, as is the ability to process the relentless assault of multiple objects (broads with baby strollers / speeding yellow-light running douches, etc.) traversing your path, the trajectories of which are of such ill-placed randomness, even Stephen Hawking would freak out. It's somewhat Fear Factor, if you think about it. Oh shit! A pile of vomit from one of last night's delightful sports enthusiasts!! Look over there! It's an asshole who can't read the "No Turn on Red" sign, and he's headed right for you! Look out or you may cause him to drop the cell phone that must have somehow spot-welded itself simultaeously to his hand AND head! Oh the poor dear! ["Would you drive better if I shoved that cell phone up your ass?"]. Yes lady, it is always a damn fine idea to emerge from behind a parked car stroller-first in order to gauge the relative safety of crossing a busy city street at this particular moment....against the light. Them's some fine parenting skills there, Lou(ise)...
Arrive alive and you WIN! (wear those ugly assed, spandex Grandma panties and you FAIL, though. Always. At life. No gold medal for you - not yours!).
There's a workout for ya! There's more where that came from - hit me up for more great fitness tips, yo!
Monday, September 29, 2008
Wow. Just....WOW.
That's some SERIOUSLY farked up shiat, kids.
It's a GREAT MOTHER FARKIN' DAY to be poor!! YEAHH BABY!
/broke-assed mo-fos say "whuuuut" (whuuuut!) Can I get a "whut whuuuut"!
//silver lining etc.
p.s. Man, watching this thing tank into the 700s is just frickin creepy, man. Seriously - giving me the willies. Kind of. If I owned anything, man, I'd be freaking out. Since I've got nary a pot to whiz in, I'm just mildly uncomfortable, and trying not to think of the ramifications this is going to have. (Sadly, all of the sudden, those "Bu$h wants to be prezident fer LIFE" people aren't sounding quite as insane as they were, say, last Friday. Ulp....
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Epiphany, and why I will vote Obama.
I used to vote democrat because I perhaps didn't know any better. I qualify that with the caveat that I didn't know shit as politics were concerned, other than by and large, republicans didn't seem as if they had done much for me nor those of my ilk and after say, 2003 or so, they were pretty much sending us to our collective deaths. So I guess there's that.
At some point though, eons ago, I too was a 20-something. And when I was? Like you, what the fuck did I know?? Oh sure - at the time, we're all genetically predisposed to hold the steadfast belief that we know Everything(tm), when in reality, we know absolutely Nothing(tm). Ah, the roaring twenties, when we're all up in arms and pissed off and concerned about everything, lousy with our friggin protests, tee shirts attesting to our great and unfathomable angst (hey man, you're like, so old and you sooooo just don't get it, man) and our bumperstickers and our Rocking of the Vote, and of course that goddamned Critical Mass crap...
Flash forward to me, 2008: Friends, Hippees, Slackers: in a few years, some of you will likely be fortunate enough to have families, jobs or even entire lives that amazingly will not revolve around whatever cause-du-jour [ne, cause celebre, truth be told] you're protesting, en masse, today... In fact, said cause probably won't mean SHIAT-all of ANYTHING to you by then, but hey, thanks for fucking up my commute today - it's like SOOOOOOOO totally rad and AWESOME getting home at 9pm, missing the opportunity to put my children to bed (i'm a useless evil breeder though, so what the fuck do I know anyway?), and eating a cold-assed dinner before passing out from exhaustion. I understand that you're so very, very concerned and all, and the only way you could express your concern is to stuff Storrow Drive (or Market Street, for you west-coasters - oh yeah, I'm totally and unabashedly bitching at you fuckers too!) with your dumb-assed signs / bikes, whatever. You know what? GET A F*CKING JOB you lazy pieces of shiat. Better yet?? GET YOUR LAZY ASS ON A BIKE ON ELECTION DAY AND FUCKING VOTE FOR ONCE. Your demographic does a hell of a lot of bitching and moaning, protesting and blogging (oohhh, I'm gonna blog about you, neener!!), but rumor has it you pretty much SUCK when it comes to actually showing up on voting day. Believe me, I don't like putting down the bong / staying sober enough to drive, having to reschedule the removal of ticks from my dog or whatever lame-assed excuse you go with for blowing off exercisig one of the last rights you have left as an American any more than you do, but you fuckin' DO IT. If you don't? God help you if you're out protesting / bitching about Nukes or Bush or anything remotely related. I will seriously mow your ass down with my 11 year old, piece of shit mini-van (bank took the Audi, go fark theyself, hater!) and throw that shiat in reverse to make sure I finished the job.
If you don't vote, SHUT THE FUCK UP.
My point? VOTE, bitches.
I'm a 30-something now. Almost beyond that benchmark too, truth be told. So, those of you younger than I am , go awn with your hatin' of "old people" and well, of fuckin' everything, as you are wont to do. That's your thing - I know, babydoll - I was there - and I was likely better at it then than you are now. So, suck it. (I'm angry, getting older will do that to you - it will also probably saddle you with shit like hemroids, receeding gums and cellulite...and you wonder why we're fucking bitter? HOWEVER, if you're LUCKY, getting older will prompt you to actively seek becoming *wiser*, in that, you don't just wait for wisdom and think you're somehow entitled to it simply because you've been around longer, but you realize that the path to it is to actually get off your ass and FIND it.
And so, I used to vote democrat because, for lack of a better synopsis, I didn't know any better. And now I do.
Now?
I VOTE DEMOCRAT BECAUSE:
1. I give a f*ck. McCain is just....AWFUL. And Palin? JESUS H. CHRIST ON A CRACKER. Are you F*CKING KIDDING ME? Please, please, please, I BEG OF YOU to visit an impartial source - whether it's on the internet or at da liberry - just research it for yourself. No Faux Newz, no CNN, no Olbermann, no Limbaugh (the foregoing combination of pundits and hacks is no reflection of my personal views on any of them, with the caveat that Fox News SUCKS BALLS and Limbaugh is a useless shitbag - yeah, I said it!). Divine from a bevvy of the most non-partisan sources you can find exactly what each candidate stands for. It's NOT that hard. I work a full time job, I commute 2 hours each way, five damn days a week and I have a family at home and somehow, even against all odds, even slogging through the ADD, I managed to gain enough of a semblance of what each of these men stands for to understand who is a total fucking fraud and who is not.
2. I understand the system far better than I ever did, because I took the time to look into it - I looked up the voting records, lives, educational backgrounds, etc. of both Obama and McCain. I'm going to have to side with the self-made MAN, the one with the CONSTITUTIONAL LAW background, the degree from Columbia, the tenure at the Harvard Law Review, the one whose record in the senate (if even just basing the conclusion on the bills sponsored or co-sponsored by said senator) ALONE demolishes the competition. (Read for yourself. Shit, THINK FOR YOURSELF. Start here. Or anywhere. Just START!)
3. I came to the realization, through researching the REALITY of politics in the 21st century (and before....and beyond?) that, not for nothing, peeps - OMG, I'm a f*cking conservative. NOT a Bushite "conservative" [when I tell you Bush and his crew are the sickening, nauseating ANTITHESIS of everthing conservative, I am grossly understating things - the Bush regime is the DIAMETRIC OPPOSITE of every single goddamned TENET of conservatism. And they make me want to projectile vomit for that very reason]. The Bush Regime has DESTROYED what it means to be conservative and has, through the endless bullshit shenanigans, fostered an environment in which a great majority of the population, upon hearing the word "conservative", display an involuntary, Pavlovian and utterly visceral reaction akin to a dry heave and really, can you blame them?? It makes me throw up in my mouth a little bit too - now that I understand what it actually means to be a conservative, and how there isn't one fucking IOTA of conservatism involved in even a nanosecond of the last 8 years. It's been a friggin' HORROR SHOW, quite frankly. But yay us! We elected the guy we thought we could "have a beer with" [despite the fact that I'm pretty sure W wouldn't be caught DEAD with 99.99999% of the folks who voted for him, even if they happened to be carrying a pound of coke, two mexican hookers and an F-150 full of uranium. Still ain't gawna habben. Nah gawn do it.
I'm a conservative. I'm DISGUSTED with the old guard. The ONLY option for me in 2008?
Republicans who voted for Bush not once, but TWICE!??!?!!? You can seriously EABOD and DIAF for what that miserable band of piratical*, hypocritical, usurious bastards has done to this country - both here and abroad. DAMN YOU for your spin, your lies, your distortions of truth. What you and your greedy, soulless ilk have done to this country is nothing short of TREASON. I watched you heartlessly eviscerate the middle class, while pretending to champion them (unless they were actually middle class, had some education and an IQ about 70 - then you maligned them as elitist pieces of shit, because after all, an educated populous is one you can't as easily control, right Karl?) Some of you laugh at this - you've heard it before. And you laugh and you point fingers and call names - names like "commie" and "lib-rul, hurr hurr!!" and "turr-ist" because you're too goddamned stupid....ne, WILLFULLY IGNORANT to acknowledge the truth, the reality of what has happened to America in eight short years.
ARE you farkin kidding me with this shiat? I swear to Baby Cheebas, the next idiot Limbaugh-tard I hear "hurr hurr 'Fuck Yeah Amurrrikah'", I'm going to cawk-punch them like you f*cking READ ABOUT. You love this country so much, shiat-holes? GET OFF YOUR ASSES AND READ / LEARN / CARE / ACT then. Act for your country for once, NOT FOR YOUR OWN GREEDY, MYOPIC SELF-INTERESTS - e.g., elect someone who can actually BE THE PRESIDENT, not just some fucking CLOWN who tells you "Abortions for None, Small American Flag Pins for All, HURR HURRRRR!". Your ignorance, collectively, leaves me fucking SPEECHLESS.
Fuckin' Aye. I'm so very, very angy about this. Yes, ANGY. Ainnnn-Geeeeeeeeee. It's so sad that it makes me want to throw a damn temper tanrtum like a child - and lemme tell you, I have children and temper tantrums are like nails on the fuckin' chalk board. So I don't threaten to exact them on you lightly. But oh baby. I'm SO pissed.
Aren't you pissed? A little? Write me. Tell me. Tell me about your pissed-offedness. If you don't, I will think I'm alone and well, that's just fuckin' sad.
peace, bitches.
*Werd up, Biscuit! You're kind of my hero - and I co=opted piratical from you!
At some point though, eons ago, I too was a 20-something. And when I was? Like you, what the fuck did I know?? Oh sure - at the time, we're all genetically predisposed to hold the steadfast belief that we know Everything(tm), when in reality, we know absolutely Nothing(tm). Ah, the roaring twenties, when we're all up in arms and pissed off and concerned about everything, lousy with our friggin protests, tee shirts attesting to our great and unfathomable angst (hey man, you're like, so old and you sooooo just don't get it, man) and our bumperstickers and our Rocking of the Vote, and of course that goddamned Critical Mass crap...
Flash forward to me, 2008: Friends, Hippees, Slackers: in a few years, some of you will likely be fortunate enough to have families, jobs or even entire lives that amazingly will not revolve around whatever cause-du-jour [ne, cause celebre, truth be told] you're protesting, en masse, today... In fact, said cause probably won't mean SHIAT-all of ANYTHING to you by then, but hey, thanks for fucking up my commute today - it's like SOOOOOOOO totally rad and AWESOME getting home at 9pm, missing the opportunity to put my children to bed (i'm a useless evil breeder though, so what the fuck do I know anyway?), and eating a cold-assed dinner before passing out from exhaustion. I understand that you're so very, very concerned and all, and the only way you could express your concern is to stuff Storrow Drive (or Market Street, for you west-coasters - oh yeah, I'm totally and unabashedly bitching at you fuckers too!) with your dumb-assed signs / bikes, whatever. You know what? GET A F*CKING JOB you lazy pieces of shiat. Better yet?? GET YOUR LAZY ASS ON A BIKE ON ELECTION DAY AND FUCKING VOTE FOR ONCE. Your demographic does a hell of a lot of bitching and moaning, protesting and blogging (oohhh, I'm gonna blog about you, neener!!), but rumor has it you pretty much SUCK when it comes to actually showing up on voting day. Believe me, I don't like putting down the bong / staying sober enough to drive, having to reschedule the removal of ticks from my dog or whatever lame-assed excuse you go with for blowing off exercisig one of the last rights you have left as an American any more than you do, but you fuckin' DO IT. If you don't? God help you if you're out protesting / bitching about Nukes or Bush or anything remotely related. I will seriously mow your ass down with my 11 year old, piece of shit mini-van (bank took the Audi, go fark theyself, hater!) and throw that shiat in reverse to make sure I finished the job.
If you don't vote, SHUT THE FUCK UP.
My point? VOTE, bitches.
DON'T LET THE LAST EIGHT YEARS HAPPEN AGAIN.
EVER.
EVER.
I'm a 30-something now. Almost beyond that benchmark too, truth be told. So, those of you younger than I am , go awn with your hatin' of "old people" and well, of fuckin' everything, as you are wont to do. That's your thing - I know, babydoll - I was there - and I was likely better at it then than you are now. So, suck it. (I'm angry, getting older will do that to you - it will also probably saddle you with shit like hemroids, receeding gums and cellulite...and you wonder why we're fucking bitter? HOWEVER, if you're LUCKY, getting older will prompt you to actively seek becoming *wiser*, in that, you don't just wait for wisdom and think you're somehow entitled to it simply because you've been around longer, but you realize that the path to it is to actually get off your ass and FIND it.
And so, I used to vote democrat because, for lack of a better synopsis, I didn't know any better. And now I do.
Now?
I VOTE DEMOCRAT BECAUSE:
1. I give a f*ck. McCain is just....AWFUL. And Palin? JESUS H. CHRIST ON A CRACKER. Are you F*CKING KIDDING ME? Please, please, please, I BEG OF YOU to visit an impartial source - whether it's on the internet or at da liberry - just research it for yourself. No Faux Newz, no CNN, no Olbermann, no Limbaugh (the foregoing combination of pundits and hacks is no reflection of my personal views on any of them, with the caveat that Fox News SUCKS BALLS and Limbaugh is a useless shitbag - yeah, I said it!). Divine from a bevvy of the most non-partisan sources you can find exactly what each candidate stands for. It's NOT that hard. I work a full time job, I commute 2 hours each way, five damn days a week and I have a family at home and somehow, even against all odds, even slogging through the ADD, I managed to gain enough of a semblance of what each of these men stands for to understand who is a total fucking fraud and who is not.
2. I understand the system far better than I ever did, because I took the time to look into it - I looked up the voting records, lives, educational backgrounds, etc. of both Obama and McCain. I'm going to have to side with the self-made MAN, the one with the CONSTITUTIONAL LAW background, the degree from Columbia, the tenure at the Harvard Law Review, the one whose record in the senate (if even just basing the conclusion on the bills sponsored or co-sponsored by said senator) ALONE demolishes the competition. (Read for yourself. Shit, THINK FOR YOURSELF. Start here. Or anywhere. Just START!)
3. I came to the realization, through researching the REALITY of politics in the 21st century (and before....and beyond?) that, not for nothing, peeps - OMG, I'm a f*cking conservative. NOT a Bushite "conservative" [when I tell you Bush and his crew are the sickening, nauseating ANTITHESIS of everthing conservative, I am grossly understating things - the Bush regime is the DIAMETRIC OPPOSITE of every single goddamned TENET of conservatism. And they make me want to projectile vomit for that very reason]. The Bush Regime has DESTROYED what it means to be conservative and has, through the endless bullshit shenanigans, fostered an environment in which a great majority of the population, upon hearing the word "conservative", display an involuntary, Pavlovian and utterly visceral reaction akin to a dry heave and really, can you blame them?? It makes me throw up in my mouth a little bit too - now that I understand what it actually means to be a conservative, and how there isn't one fucking IOTA of conservatism involved in even a nanosecond of the last 8 years. It's been a friggin' HORROR SHOW, quite frankly. But yay us! We elected the guy we thought we could "have a beer with" [despite the fact that I'm pretty sure W wouldn't be caught DEAD with 99.99999% of the folks who voted for him, even if they happened to be carrying a pound of coke, two mexican hookers and an F-150 full of uranium. Still ain't gawna habben. Nah gawn do it.
I'm a conservative. I'm DISGUSTED with the old guard. The ONLY option for me in 2008?
Republicans who voted for Bush not once, but TWICE!??!?!!? You can seriously EABOD and DIAF for what that miserable band of piratical*, hypocritical, usurious bastards has done to this country - both here and abroad. DAMN YOU for your spin, your lies, your distortions of truth. What you and your greedy, soulless ilk have done to this country is nothing short of TREASON. I watched you heartlessly eviscerate the middle class, while pretending to champion them (unless they were actually middle class, had some education and an IQ about 70 - then you maligned them as elitist pieces of shit, because after all, an educated populous is one you can't as easily control, right Karl?) Some of you laugh at this - you've heard it before. And you laugh and you point fingers and call names - names like "commie" and "lib-rul, hurr hurr!!" and "turr-ist" because you're too goddamned stupid....ne, WILLFULLY IGNORANT to acknowledge the truth, the reality of what has happened to America in eight short years.
ARE you farkin kidding me with this shiat? I swear to Baby Cheebas, the next idiot Limbaugh-tard I hear "hurr hurr 'Fuck Yeah Amurrrikah'", I'm going to cawk-punch them like you f*cking READ ABOUT. You love this country so much, shiat-holes? GET OFF YOUR ASSES AND READ / LEARN / CARE / ACT then. Act for your country for once, NOT FOR YOUR OWN GREEDY, MYOPIC SELF-INTERESTS - e.g., elect someone who can actually BE THE PRESIDENT, not just some fucking CLOWN who tells you "Abortions for None, Small American Flag Pins for All, HURR HURRRRR!". Your ignorance, collectively, leaves me fucking SPEECHLESS.
Fuckin' Aye. I'm so very, very angy about this. Yes, ANGY. Ainnnn-Geeeeeeeeee. It's so sad that it makes me want to throw a damn temper tanrtum like a child - and lemme tell you, I have children and temper tantrums are like nails on the fuckin' chalk board. So I don't threaten to exact them on you lightly. But oh baby. I'm SO pissed.
Aren't you pissed? A little? Write me. Tell me. Tell me about your pissed-offedness. If you don't, I will think I'm alone and well, that's just fuckin' sad.
peace, bitches.
*Werd up, Biscuit! You're kind of my hero - and I co=opted piratical from you!
The financial "crisis"...
Ah yes - as predicted (by me, 8 years ago, natch!), we're on the brink of financial chaos. Taking only the mortgage situation into consideration, would it really be so difficult to triangulate a solution whereby, rather than just bailing out the effin-tards who caused this mess, by and large, the Gubmint mandates that mortgage companies re-write all of the loans currently in default? Seems pretty frackin' obvious that one great way to stem the tide of foreclosures might be to say, WORK WITH THE HOMEOWNERS, durrrrrrr! From personal experience, I can tell you that even when the cards are stacked utterly and completely against the lender (e.g., the property value has tanked, the market has tanked, the property has major challenges and the potential for huge liability on the lender's part, just to name a few), they simply aren't willing or aren't able to get beyond their ridiculously outmoded formulae for "working with the homeowner" and as such, are wholly unable to comprehend what "working what the homeowner" actually even means. It doesn't mean "you tell us how much you make, all of your debts, bills, how much you spend on tampons, how much beer you drink, give us a DNA sample, and we'll run it through the supercomputer, which will use complex trigonometric calculus to spit out a "workout plan" that you, dear homeowner will STILL have no shot in hell of being able to afford". It's assinine!!!
Were the collective of geniuses in Warshington to use just an iota of common sense for once in their Trail of Fail that the last 8 years have been, they would realize that all of these gigantic financial institutions might, just might, fare better were they, on every single loan that has gone bad, to get *some* money instead of *none*. How to accomplish such a colossal feat? Play some ball with the borrowers, dumbasses!!!
When faced with or given the option of either being strangled by a mortgage one has found onesself unable to afford (due to a rate reset, a job loss, etc.), if given no other option, unfortunately, people are going to walk away. Whether it is a heart-breaking absolute last resort, or a decision to cut one's losses or something in the middle of the continuum these two options span, it's going to happen. It has and continues to happen. And it's gutting this country in very tangible and quantifiable ways. Yep, people were tards, and weren't smart enough to read the fine print, do the research, etc. What else is new? Sure, it sucks and it's kind of hard to feel bad for the dumbest of the lot. But the reality is that a) not everyone sucked into this financial maelstrom is a tard and b) it is what it is, and it's f*cking SERIOUS as shiat at this point.
So lenders, throw out the old paradigms and get your heads out of your butts for five minutes. More specifically, you "investors" who back the mortgages serviced by lenders need to unclench your biscuits and loosen up the greedy stranglehold you have on servicers and give them the autonomy and flexibility they need to actually work with borrowers in order to both keep them in their homes and more importantly for you, investors, to keep those properties off your books and allow those assets to perform, instead of what you have now - a massive pile of non-performing shiat. Take a loss, take a hit, allow the homeowner to set terms they can live with - if even for a period of five years. It would be enough to allow that segment of the distressed borrowing population to make good on the deals they've worked out with you, and would serve two very important purposes. Take the short term hit for the greater long-term gain.
It just can't be this hard. I'm no economist, definitely not financially savvy, but JEEBUS!!!! If you owe me money and I have the choice between you paying me NOTHING and paying me something, I kind of feel like I'd be a gigantic TARD if I chose the option where I get NOTHING and have to break your knees, er, I mean take a loss.
God help us all.....
Were the collective of geniuses in Warshington to use just an iota of common sense for once in their Trail of Fail that the last 8 years have been, they would realize that all of these gigantic financial institutions might, just might, fare better were they, on every single loan that has gone bad, to get *some* money instead of *none*. How to accomplish such a colossal feat? Play some ball with the borrowers, dumbasses!!!
When faced with or given the option of either being strangled by a mortgage one has found onesself unable to afford (due to a rate reset, a job loss, etc.), if given no other option, unfortunately, people are going to walk away. Whether it is a heart-breaking absolute last resort, or a decision to cut one's losses or something in the middle of the continuum these two options span, it's going to happen. It has and continues to happen. And it's gutting this country in very tangible and quantifiable ways. Yep, people were tards, and weren't smart enough to read the fine print, do the research, etc. What else is new? Sure, it sucks and it's kind of hard to feel bad for the dumbest of the lot. But the reality is that a) not everyone sucked into this financial maelstrom is a tard and b) it is what it is, and it's f*cking SERIOUS as shiat at this point.
So lenders, throw out the old paradigms and get your heads out of your butts for five minutes. More specifically, you "investors" who back the mortgages serviced by lenders need to unclench your biscuits and loosen up the greedy stranglehold you have on servicers and give them the autonomy and flexibility they need to actually work with borrowers in order to both keep them in their homes and more importantly for you, investors, to keep those properties off your books and allow those assets to perform, instead of what you have now - a massive pile of non-performing shiat. Take a loss, take a hit, allow the homeowner to set terms they can live with - if even for a period of five years. It would be enough to allow that segment of the distressed borrowing population to make good on the deals they've worked out with you, and would serve two very important purposes. Take the short term hit for the greater long-term gain.
It just can't be this hard. I'm no economist, definitely not financially savvy, but JEEBUS!!!! If you owe me money and I have the choice between you paying me NOTHING and paying me something, I kind of feel like I'd be a gigantic TARD if I chose the option where I get NOTHING and have to break your knees, er, I mean take a loss.
God help us all.....
Friday, September 26, 2008
Before & After w/Sir Tardsalawt
THIS (bears repeating, and so I shall, though I cants taketh credit therefor):
WASHINGTON...BAILOUT CRISIS...THIS WEEK-ISH:
....BEFORE MCCAIN GOT THERE:
Congress looked close to reaching a deal to approve a $700 billion plan to bail out the U.S. financial system and President George W. Bush called an emergency meeting for Thursday to hammer out details.
The move toward a deal will likely calm U.S. markets, which were in turmoil on Wednesday as negotiations dragged on. Investors stampeded into cash and safe-haven assets, briefly sending short-term interest rates below zero. Experts said banks were hoarding cash, fearful that if they loaned money to other banks they might not get repaid.
But with a deal near, U.S. stock futures were up about 0.5 percent after earlier being negative, suggesting a firmer open for Wall Street on Thursday. Asian stock markets also retraced earlier losses.
Bush warned of a looming economic disaster if Congress failed to act swiftly to fund the $700 billion bailout that would be larger than the total cost of the Iraq war.
Bush offered few details about the makeup of the emerging deal for a bailout.
U.S. congressional Democrats and Republicans plan to meet on Thursday to draft a final bipartisan plan, a Democratic source told Reuters on Wednesday night.
"Not too many unresolved issues remain," the source said.
Earlier on Wednesday, Senate Banking Committee Chairman Christopher Dodd expressed optimism a deal was nearing.
"We're not there yet," Dodd told reporters, adding there was a "good possibility we'll get there in a day or so."
AFTER MCCAIN ARRIVED:
Republican revolt stalled urgent efforts to lash together a national economic rescue plan Thursday, a chaotic turnaround on a day that had seemed headed for a success that President Bush, both political parties and their presidential candidates could celebrate at an extraordinary White House meeting.
Weary congressional negotiators worked into the night, joined by Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson in an effort to revive or rework the $700 billion proposal that President Bush said must be quickly approved by Congress to stave off potentially "a long and deep recession."
They gave up after 10 p.m. EDT, more than an hour after the lone House Republican involved, Rep. Spencer Bachus of Alabama, left the room. Democrats blamed the House Republicans for the apparent stalemate. Those conservatives have complained that the plan would be too costly for taxpayers and would be an unacceptable federal intrusion into private business.
Wow, thanks for getting to War-shington to make sure this deal went through, McCain!!!!!
Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid announced a new round of late-night discussions Thursday in a bid to get the deal back on track, set to be joined by Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson and Federal Reserve chief Ben Bernanke.
"John McCain did nothing to help, he only hurt the process," the senior Democrat said at a joint news conference with Senate banking committee chairman Christopher Dodd.
Barney Frank, the Democratic chair of the House of Representatives financial services committee, said: "I think this was a campaign ploy for Senator McCain.
"I think they then had the problem that there might not have been enough of a deadlock for him to resolve," he said, after Dodd had earlier announced an in-principle agreement with some senior Republicans on the bailout package.
The meeting convened by Bush was a "photo op and political theater that had nothing to do with us getting to work," Dodd said.
OH, and LOLZ!
WASHINGTON...BAILOUT CRISIS...THIS WEEK-ISH:
....BEFORE MCCAIN GOT THERE:
Congress looked close to reaching a deal to approve a $700 billion plan to bail out the U.S. financial system and President George W. Bush called an emergency meeting for Thursday to hammer out details.
The move toward a deal will likely calm U.S. markets, which were in turmoil on Wednesday as negotiations dragged on. Investors stampeded into cash and safe-haven assets, briefly sending short-term interest rates below zero. Experts said banks were hoarding cash, fearful that if they loaned money to other banks they might not get repaid.
But with a deal near, U.S. stock futures were up about 0.5 percent after earlier being negative, suggesting a firmer open for Wall Street on Thursday. Asian stock markets also retraced earlier losses.
Bush warned of a looming economic disaster if Congress failed to act swiftly to fund the $700 billion bailout that would be larger than the total cost of the Iraq war.
Bush offered few details about the makeup of the emerging deal for a bailout.
U.S. congressional Democrats and Republicans plan to meet on Thursday to draft a final bipartisan plan, a Democratic source told Reuters on Wednesday night.
"Not too many unresolved issues remain," the source said.
Earlier on Wednesday, Senate Banking Committee Chairman Christopher Dodd expressed optimism a deal was nearing.
"We're not there yet," Dodd told reporters, adding there was a "good possibility we'll get there in a day or so."
AFTER MCCAIN ARRIVED:
Republican revolt stalled urgent efforts to lash together a national economic rescue plan Thursday, a chaotic turnaround on a day that had seemed headed for a success that President Bush, both political parties and their presidential candidates could celebrate at an extraordinary White House meeting.
Weary congressional negotiators worked into the night, joined by Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson in an effort to revive or rework the $700 billion proposal that President Bush said must be quickly approved by Congress to stave off potentially "a long and deep recession."
They gave up after 10 p.m. EDT, more than an hour after the lone House Republican involved, Rep. Spencer Bachus of Alabama, left the room. Democrats blamed the House Republicans for the apparent stalemate. Those conservatives have complained that the plan would be too costly for taxpayers and would be an unacceptable federal intrusion into private business.
Wow, thanks for getting to War-shington to make sure this deal went through, McCain!!!!!
Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid announced a new round of late-night discussions Thursday in a bid to get the deal back on track, set to be joined by Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson and Federal Reserve chief Ben Bernanke.
"John McCain did nothing to help, he only hurt the process," the senior Democrat said at a joint news conference with Senate banking committee chairman Christopher Dodd.
Barney Frank, the Democratic chair of the House of Representatives financial services committee, said: "I think this was a campaign ploy for Senator McCain.
"I think they then had the problem that there might not have been enough of a deadlock for him to resolve," he said, after Dodd had earlier announced an in-principle agreement with some senior Republicans on the bailout package.
The meeting convened by Bush was a "photo op and political theater that had nothing to do with us getting to work," Dodd said.
OH, and LOLZ!
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Holy Crap....
http://www.theoildrum.com/node/3382
read, for one in your life....for the love of all that is holy (or unholy, depending on your preference...you see, shoving your religious beliefs down people's throats is FARKIN RETARDED!!!!!!)
/barkeep!! another 'round right here, STAT.
read, for one in your life....for the love of all that is holy (or unholy, depending on your preference...you see, shoving your religious beliefs down people's throats is FARKIN RETARDED!!!!!!)
/barkeep!! another 'round right here, STAT.
There is NO GODDAMNED PAUSE BUTTON IN the White House, BIATCH!
Wow. Just wow.
McCain, you FAIL.
/that is all.
//friggin' ASSHATS
McCain, you FAIL.
/that is all.
//friggin' ASSHATS
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Ba da dat da dahh, I'm lovin' it!
Scales. Eyes. McCain.
14 Sep 2008 12:52 pm
Reading the "press" in this surreal climate right now, one is tempted to despair. I'm not giving in to it, because I still believe that the actual truth matters in the world. If propaganda could win in the end against truth, then Bush's approval ratings would be somewhere in the high 80s. They are in the lower 30s. In the end, the American people are not fools. And facts are facts. Right now, we are being subjected to an absolutely disorienting blizzard of lies and absurdities (Palin is a lying absurdity) from the McCain campaign. The idea is to so disorient people, to throw so many new concepts, brands, lies, images, marketing and distortions at them that they will not be able to focus on the issues in this election, and the real choices serious people have to make.
But facts are stubborn things, as someone once said.
In the end, the fact of no WMDs in Iraq is indisputable.
The fact that Bush appointed a know-nothing apparatchik to deal with hurricanes is unavoidable. The fact that Bush made no serious preparations for occupying Iraq is clear as day. The fact that he and his party have added $32 trillion to the debt of the next generation is now part of the global financial system. The fact that the Bush administration effectively withdrew the United States from the Geneva Conventions and have legitimized the torture of prisoners across the world is empirically indisputable. The fact that Bush has failed to stem Iran's growing nuclear capabilities is inescapable. The fact that under George W. Bush, the country suffered its biggest attack in history, and the mass-murder of 3,000 people by religious fanatics, and that he was warned about this and did nothing is simply history. The fact that in his presidency, the West missed a critical window of opportunity to develop new forms of energy and to wean ourselves off foreign oil is staring us in the face. And the fact that after seven years, this president who once declared that he would get him dead or alive still has not apprehended the man who planned the 9/11 attacks is equally beyond dispute. And the fact that under George W. Bush - far from finding and killing these monsters, we gave them a new sanctuary and did virtually nothing to stem or control the possible supply of WMDS to al Qaeda is equally indisputable. It is equally indisputable that only one individual has been successfully prosecuted in the war on terror and he will be out of jail soon enough, because the evidence that could have convicted him could not be introduced into a court of law.
In the end, whatever the power of the religious fundamentalist movement that is now the GOP in simply denying reality, reality wins. And the fact that John McCain is now a serial and shameless liar will also sink in. The question before us is not whether this will be one day understood to be true. The question is whether it will be flushed out in time.
We cannot control these despicable liars in the McCain campaign. We can only tell the truth as fearlessly and as relentlessly and as continuously as we can until November 4. We must do our duty. And if the American people want to re-elect the machine that has helped destroy this country's national security, global reputation and economic health, then that is their choice. But I am not so depressed to think that they will.
We must give them the truth. And that will feel like hell. And we must tell it like Truman told it: cheerfully, passionately and relentlessly.
UTTERLY SCRUMPTIOUS~!~ (That from The Atlantic Monthly's Andrew Sullivan, and he RAWKS IT!). I happened upon an episode of a cable network politically oriented discussion programme this evening and have completely developed a MAJOR girl-stiffy for Mr.Sullivan. I do, however, add the caveat that I am basing this literary, socio-political lust wholly on the interview I saw this evening (which was FUCKING STELLAR!!!!), and have not yet had the opportunity to read his escribes as of press time. More on that later.
In case you're unfamiliar or familiar and preemptively biased:
The Atlantic (formerly known as The Atlantic Monthly) is an American magazine founded in Boston in 1857. Originally created as a literary and cultural commentary magazine, its current format is of a general editorial magazine. Written from a center-right perspective with content focusing on "foreign affairs, politics, and the economy [as well as] cultural trends", it is primarily aimed at a target audience of "thought leaders".[1][2]
The magazine's founders were a group of writers that included Harriet Beecher Stowe, Ralph Waldo Emerson, Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr., and James Russell Lowell (who would become its first editor). The current CEO and group publisher is John Fox Sullivan.[3]
(yeah, yeah, Wiki - STFU and GBTW, then, 'roight?).
You know who else I really dig? Rachel Maddow. Yep! I like Pat Buchanan, the dude above AND Rachel Maddow. What can I say? Call me crazy, I like to listen to points of view that both differ from and are similar to mine, versus solely one or the other. I like Rachel Maddow because her show is that perfect blend of smart / quirky / feisty / intelligent / topical / relevant without being too much of any of those things, nor too little. I do enjoy the Olberman, but sense, at times, that he's SO very, very [something I can't immediately put my finger on, as the muscle relaxers and motrin are finally kicking in....maybe...after a brutal weekend of musculoskeletal heinousness] that I find my "ut oh, bias-o-meter tingling ever so slightly.and while not to a great enough degree to cause me to instantly render his sentiments fraudulent and utterly without merit (e.g., the same ascription* I give to ANY of the bloated, drivel-spewing TARDS on Faux "News"), at least enough to make me twitch ever so slightly.
I digress.
My random, round-about point is that folks, this elections is CRITICAL - CODE BLUE. Truly. Surely, you must see that. Hell, you MUST feel that, or frankly, you might just be dead. So, for me, the partisan bullshit gloves are off, and the public figures I come across in my search for something remotely approaching "truth" (versus "truthiness") whose words resonate with me are the folks I'm going to tell you about. Sure, I know - you hear Pat Buchanan and your anus puckers because he's an evil conservative nazi person! (He's actually quite brilliant - and while I may not agree with the entirety of his platform, that in and of itself is what I'm farkin TALKING ABOUT HERE - argh. I can't even continue. Brain hurts. Too tired. Something about ferretting out your truth and piecing it together from sources that span the continuum, for it is then and only then that you'll have the necessarily complete basis upon which to rest your convictions. If you obtain your news, your facts and your information from just one source, you (unfortunately) are being mislead, lied to and utterly and completely BAMBOOZLED. And that sucks.
/* Not sure if this is an actual word, too beat at the moment to look it up. I reserve the right to claim ownership of the proprietary rights inherent in the formation of a new word, should that be the case.....good lord, must stop now, making so very little sense.....
True Dat.
"The Crash of 2008, which is now wiping out trillions of dollars of our people's wealth, is, like the Crash of 1929, likely to mark the end of one era and the onset of another.
The new era will see a more sober and much diminished America. The "Omnipower" and "Indispensable Nation" we heard about in all the hubris and braggadocio following our Cold War victory is history.
Seizing on the crisis, the left says we are witnessing the failure of market economics, a failure of conservatism.
This is nonsense. What we are witnessing is the collapse of Gordon Gecko ("Greed Is Good!") capitalism. What we are witnessing is what happens to a prodigal nation that ignores history, and forgets and abandons the philosophy and principles that made it great.
A true conservative cherishes prudence and believes in fiscal responsibility, balanced budgets and a self-reliant republic. He believes in saving for retirement and a rainy day, in deferred gratification, in not buying on credit what you cannot afford, in living within your means.
Is that really what got Wall Street and us into this mess – that we followed too religiously the gospel of Robert Taft and Russell Kirk?
"Government must save us!" cries the left, as ever. Yet, who got us into this mess if not the government – the Fed with its easy money, Bush with his profligate spending, and Congress and the SEC by liberating Wall Street and failing to step in and stop the drunken orgy?
For years, we Americans have spent more than we earned. We save nothing. Credit card debt, consumer debt, auto debt, mortgage debt, corporate debt – all are at record levels. And with pensions and savings being wiped out, much of that debt will never be repaid.
Our standard of living is inevitably going to fall. For foreigners will not forever buy our bonds or lend us more money if they rightly fear that they will be paid back, if at all, in cheaper dollars.
We are going to have to learn to live again without our means.
The party's over
Up through World War II, we followed the Hamiltonian idea that America must remain economically independent of the world in order to remain politically independent.
But this generation decided that was yesterday's bromide and we must march bravely forward into a Global Economy, where we all depend on one another. American companies morphed into "global companies" and moved plants and factories to Mexico, Asia, China and India, and we began buying more cheaply from abroad what we used to make at home: shoes, clothes, bikes, cars, radios, TVs, planes, computers.
As the trade deficits began inexorably to rise to 6 percent of GDP, we began vast borrowing from abroad to continue buying from abroad.
At home, propelled by tax cuts, war in Iraq and an explosion in social spending, surpluses vanished and deficits reappeared and began to rise. The dollar began to sink, and gold began to soar.
Yet, still, the promises of the politicians come. Barack Obama will give us national health insurance and tax cuts for all but that 2 percent of the nation that already carries 50 percent of the federal income tax load.
John McCain is going to cut taxes, expand the military, move NATO into Georgia and Ukraine, confront Russia and force Iran to stop enriching uranium or "bomb, bomb, bomb," with Joe Lieberman as wartime consigliere.
Who are we kidding?
What we are witnessing today is how empires end.
The Last Superpower is unable to defend its borders, protect its currency, win its wars or balance its budget. Medicare and Social Security are headed for the cliff with unfunded liabilities in the tens of trillions of dollars.
What we are witnessing today is nothing less than a Katrina-like failure of government, of our political class, and of democracy itself, casting a cloud over the viability and longevity of the system.
Notice who is managing the crisis. Not our elected leaders. Nancy Pelosi says she had nothing to do with it. Congress is paralyzed and heading home. President Bush is nowhere to be seen.
Hank Paulson of Goldman Sachs and Ben Bernanke of the Fed chose to bail out Bear Sterns but let Lehman go under. They decided to nationalize Fannie and Freddie at a cost to taxpayers of hundreds of billions, putting the U.S. government behind $5 trillion in mortgages. They decided to buy AIG with $85 billion rather than see the insurance giant sink beneath the waves.
An unelected financial elite is now entrusted with the assignment of getting us out of a disaster into which an unelected financial elite plunged the nation. We are just spectators.
What the Greatest Generation handed down to us – the richest, most powerful, most self-sufficient republic in history, with the highest standard of living any nation had ever achieved – the baby boomers, oblivious and self-indulgent to the end, have frittered away."
That's what I'm talking about, people.
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